Chapter One: Loss

In a few hours, she'll be six feet in the ground. In a few days, mention of her death will still sting, in a few weeks, her name will be hushed whispers, in a few months, she'll have been grieved for, in a year, she'll be forgotten. Levi didn't want any of that. He told himself what he'd go through while all this happened around him, too numb to be involved. However the information refused to plant into his brain, simply because he didn't want to face the reality of it all. He'd have to see her in a coffin, being lowered to the ground, having others tell him how sorry they were. Well, fuck them...he didn't want them to feel sorry. He wanted them to feel his pain, his ache. Then and only then could they be "sorry".

"Levi? It's...it's time."

His best friend's deep voice had pulled the male from his inner thoughts and he glanced up. There, sticking through the door was Erwin Smith. The one man Levi had come to call a friend, best at that. He could see the sympathy there in his eyes, the pity he had for him. Again, Levi didn't want that, especially from his best friend. He simply nodded his head slowly, and watched Erwin nod back, retreating from the door. A sigh escaped from his lips and he finished looping his tie around his neck. Usually when he dressed up, he'd choose a cravat. However, he knew her favorite was when he wore a tie, and so he would.

The funeral was long. Maybe because he felt uncomfortable in his own skin or because it was his fiance he was watching be mourned over and placed six feet under. Whichever it was, made the service seem like an eternal hell. Not everyone knew of their recent engagement, but those who did couldn't seem to bring it upon themselves to look Levi in the eyes. Not once did Levi shed a tear, no matter how much blubbering was going on around him, his eyes were dry. He thought the visitation was bad, but the funeral was worse. Longer, and even more people to cry and pretend like the girl had impacted their life and that her death would alter it in the slightest. Levi didn't give a eulogy, he declined her father's offer. The man understood and instead went up himself. The fathers words were sweet, full of love. To Levi's dismay, he addressed to everyone that his daughter had, had plans to marry him. Then, by his own words it seemed, he crumbled, reminded of what could have been. He cried, and someone led him away. It was sad, don't get Levi wrong, he was depressed as shit. He just didn't see the point of making it so public. At the end, Erwin placed his firm hand on his shoulder. Levi took the cue to follow behind the casket as it left the building, ready to be taken to the burial site.

The grave was just a few minutes from his apartment, or the apartment the two were to share, but never ended up getting there. The whole time the burial took place, Levi just pictured the time they had spent in their relationship All the things they had done in their short time together. The entirety of their love, now...gone. Visualizing all the things in his apartment that would taunt him when he returned to it. Her sweatshirt, her flip flops, eyeliner; all things that he'd want to remove but felt guilty just thinking about doing so. At some point, he stopped thinking all together and his body was just on autopilot. He'd been so out of it that when he finally snapped back into it, he was waking up. However, it was not in his room, it was in hers. He swallowed the dry lump in his throat and climbed out of the bed, and finally left the room. Levi found his way downstairs where many voices flooded his still tired and cloudy head. As he moved from the steps and through the crowded room of people dressed in black (who were giving him the obvious look over), he knew he shouldn't have left the room. After he'd turned a corner to head to a different room, he came to face a familiar man. A friend of his fiance maybe? He'd met him before, Hannes was his name?

The other male stopped him by reaching his arm out and offering his hand to shake. He nodded his head. "Levi." He sighed. "I'm so, so, sorry…"

Levi was confused, why was he saying sorry. What was with all the people giving him an odd look. He sighed and went to open his mouth to ask the man what he was going on about. Erwin was the one to stop him. He came over, wrapped his arm around the skinny males shoulders trying to move him back towards the stairs.

He nodded to the Hannes guy. "Thanks so much Hannes, really, your condolences are appreciated." Erwin kept directing Levi towards the stairs. Once out of earshot, Erwin mumbled slowly to Levi. "You should go back upstairs, get some more rest, you really need it." He tried to persuade, but Levi wasn't taking the bait.

He just shook his head. "What's going on? Where is she? Why are all these people in here?" With his voice loud, he began to draw even more attention from people around them, trying to get a taste of just how damaged he really was.

Erwin's brow furrowed and knew immediately that his best friend was in denial. "Levi?" He questioned. "Remember, we came over to Mr. Rall's house after the funeral. These people are enjoying some food and reminiscing about her. Before anyone showed up, we let you take a nap."

As his best friend explained, reality came back and bit Levi in the ass. His head wasn't groggy from just waking up, but because he was flooded with memories of that night. He put his hand on his forehead and he took deep sharp breaths. He leaned into Erwin. "I...I," He gasped. "I don't think I can breath."

The raven haired male turned sharply to hurry back to the stairs and up them to get away from all the faces and the whispers and mostly reality. However, as he turned to go into the other room, one of the waiters that had been walking around with trays collided right into him. The cheap tray clattered to the floor between both males feet, the drinks however had followed the momentum and flung all over Levi. Some splattered into his face, the others down the front of his black button down. He gasped as the cold drinks hit, as well as the at the impact.

"I, oh god...I'm so sorry. I wasn't…I didn't think." The brunette waiter had bent down to scrounge up all that had fallen, as if somehow it would reverse what had been done.

Levi's dull eyes just followed him as he raised back up slowly, biting at his lip nervously, as if he'd get yelled at. He wasn't mad, nor was he all that happy. He just wanted out of the social eye. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Look, it's fine kid. Think you could find some towels though?" He glanced down at his now damp clothes.

It took the kid a moment to realize he wasn't going to be yelled at. He blinked and then a stupid smile appeared on his face. "I ca-"

However, an arm cut him off as a towel was hanging in front of Levi's face, a girl extending it out to him.

"Here you go Mr. Rivaille." She nodded her head as Levi took the towel in his hands. "So sorry, my brother got your shirt wet. Mr. Rall, said that he'd find a shirt that he'd lend you to get out of this wet one. In the meantime here is a towel to dry as much as you can. Again, I apologize for Eren's mistake."

Levi eyed the girl in a white shirt and red scarf. Who was she and how had she just appeared to save this kids ass? He just nodded. "Thank you…"

"Mikasa." She piped in.

"Mikasa…" He nodded at the two, as he walked past, patting the towel on his face. "Eren."

Then as he continued to walk through the crowd of now silent people, he heard the Eren kid whisper behind him.

"Hey, wait, Rivaille? Oh crap, that's Petra's fiance!"

His whisper wasn't all that concealed with the rest of the room so quiet. And just before he made it to the top of the stairs, the slap was unmistakable.

"...wait, does this still mean I get pai- ow! what was that for!"