Things had changed. Gotten better, actually since Miranda. Inara stayed on Serenity, no more companion. Made Mal happy, although they haven't been together yet. And they only fight half of the time, but the love is growing between them. Zoe still mourns Wash, as we all do, but she is getting better too. The child growing in her belly helps take away her grief. It's a boy. She doesn't know it, I won't tell her. Want it to be a surprise. Kaylee and Simon are together always. Simon is happy, which makes me happy for him.
Then there is Jayne. Boy with a girl's name that tried to turn Simon and me over to the Blue Hands. Made me angry. Still making me angry. Always feel his guilt, his remorse. It overwhelms me sometimes. To the point I can't be around him. Driving me crazy.
It was no trouble sneaking into his bunk. I am very quiet. Like a leaf in the wind. Jayne is dreaming, no doubt about money and killing. I quietly find two belts and slowly, carefully, strap one arm, then the other to his bunk frame. I gently lie on his chest and wait for him to wake up.
Jayne is dreamin' of killing people and making money. A slight noise brings him out of his dreams and he knows he is not alone in his bunk. Then he realizes that there is weight on his chest. He opens his eyes to stare into the face of the girl.
"Gorram it, Crazy, what're you doing here?"
She simply stares at him. Jayne begins to sit up, but is stopped short by the fact that each of his arms is strapped to the sides of his bunk with a belt.
"Girl," he growls, but is cut off by her hand over his mouth and the glint of his knife near his throat.
"Shhhhhhhh," she whispers.
His eyes are wild. I can feel both his anger and a slight hint of fear. I took him down in the Maidenhead and after Miranda, he knows what I am capable of.
Jayne stares at River, wondering what is going on. His temper boils, but what can he do with a knife at his throat? What does she want? She removes her hand from his mouth and sits up to straddle his body. "Hello, Jayne"
"Whatever you're thinking of doin, girl, just don't," he whispers. "Just let me up and get on out of here. "
"The girl is not going anywhere," I reply. I purposely speak about myself in the third person. I don't do it as much anymore, mostly when I am over stressed, but I do it now because I know that it scares him. Makes him think I may be, how does he put it, all crazy and moonbrain.
"You best get, or I'll tell Mal that you was…"
"Tell Mal what?" I ask as I cock my head slightly sideways. "That you pulled the girl into your bunk and made her do things. Things she didn't want to and she defended herself."
His eyes go wide. "You can't. Mal won't believe that," he says.
"When the girl is crazy and she has the marks upon her body…"
"Mal would airlock me for sure. You can't."
"Quiet," I order. "You will not speak unless she gives you leave." I brush my hand down his chest as I speak. The muscles tense beneath my touch. He is weighing his options, calculating if he can escape.
"Moonbrain, you really are crazy," he starts. I cut him quickly, not deep or long, but it gets his attention. "She did not say speak"
"What the ruttin' hell!" he bellows. I cut him again.
"River" escapes his lips and I cut into him once more. "Please"
"You stop and she stops."
He quickly clamps his jaws shut.
"The boy named Jayne listens now. You are bad, Jayne. You would sell the girl back to Blue hands for a few credits. It makes the girl angry and sad. What is the girl to do about it?"
Jayne lies perfectly still as River babbles about what happened on Ariel. He knows he was wrong. He actually feels bad about the whole thing, but what can he do? How do you apologize for something like that? He has been nicer to her. Hell, he's even been nicer to the Doc, well he hasn't been insulting him as much. After what happened on Miranda, he felt a new respect for her. She might have been all crazy in the head, but she had saved his ass. Saved all of them. Jayne was grateful for it. It made him feel all the more worse about the Ariel incident. He tries to put the guilt away, but things come up. A casual remark from one of the crew can set him on edge. Mal knows, Simon and River know, but the others don't know what he did. He'd like to keep it that way.
I feel his wave of guilt wash over me. This is the problem. I try to move on, become well. I am broken, just not as much. But this guilt that Jayne's feels weighs me down. He can't get past it. Neither can I. He must let go, so that I can let go.
"Perhaps she will just kill you and be done with it," I suggest. I feel him tense under me.
"I'm sorry, River." He uses my name, doesn't call me Crazy or Moonbrain. Isn't that sweet? But it's not enough.
"Sorry doesn't cut it," I reply.
"Sorry doesn't cut it." Then an evil smile spreads across her lips. "But this does." She cuts him with the blade again. Jayne grits his teeth through the pain. It's not bad, but the cuts begin to ache slightly.
River looks at Jayne questioningly. "When you were a little boy and were bad, what did your mother do to you?"
Jayne tentatively answers, afraid she may slice him again, "She'd punish me."
River smiles and pats his cheek. "You were very bad on Ariel." She runs her hand over his chest again and Jayne trembles slightly, his salty sweat rubbed into the cuts.
"You deserve to be punished," she whispers. She brings the knife towards Jayne's face and his eyes widen with fear. She gently taps the flat of the blade on his chin. "Say it" she demands.
Jayne swallows hard. "I deserve to be punished," he chokes out.
She leans down and whispers in his ear, "No matter where you are, you can't hide from me. She will find you and you will be punished. Now it is time for Jayne to sleep." With that River punches Jayne, knocking him out.
"Hello Jayne."
Jayne tenses at the words. He's been avoiding her since that night in his bunk. Has managed to stay away from her, but here she is now, leaning over the weight bar as he lowers it to his chest.
River quickly puts her weight on the bar and Jayne struggles to keep it from crushing his throat. The girl don't weigh nothing and normally Jayne would just throw her off, but he has been lifting heavy today. "You're gonna kill me," he manages to get out.
"No, Jayne. She's going to punish you, " he hears before he blacks out.
Jayne slowly wakes up. He attempts to sit up but his arms are tied down to the sides of his weight bench.
"Gorramit, let me up," he hisses at River.
She climbs on top of him, laying the length of his body, folds her arms and rests her chin on her hands, staring into his eyes. "Say it."
"What, that you're a crazy, moonbrain witch?"
She bites his chest. "Owww, you bit me!" Jayne growls.
"The rules, Jayne, the rules," she starts.
"What rutting rules?"
She brings a small dumbbell to rest on neck and begins to press, cutting off his air. "You will not speak unless she gives you leave. If she asks you a question, you answer, dong ma?" She lets the dumbbell up a little and Jayne whispers "yes." "And you must say it every time she requires you to." Jayne looks at her questioningly. River sighs, "you deserve to be punished. Now, say it."
She places the dumbbell on the floor and stares at him patiently. She knows this is hard for him, but it will all be worth it in the end. Jayne stares at her for what is only a mere moment, then averts his eyes and whispers, "I deserve to be punished."
River starts to rub her hands over his chest as she speaks. "At first, she did not know how to punish you. Should she kill you? That would be too easy. Get you tossed off the boat. Maybe. For now, she would just like to play with you." Jayne raises his head to look at her and sees that she is now straddling him and reaching one hand behind her. Her hand slides into the waist of his pants and his eyes go wide. "What the ruttin' hell are you doing?"
"The rules, Jayne, the rules. She will hurt you if necessary," she says as she pinches the head of his cock. Jayne lays his head down and closes his eyes. He can get through this. He silently prays that no one comes in. They are in the bay after all and even though he is tied down to his weight bench he knows that somehow it would be his fault and Mal would airlock him. So he concentrates on staying quiet as she begins to rub his cock. Her hand grips him firmly and starts to pump up and down.
Jayne followed her quietly down the corridor. He would get the jump on her and put a stop to this. She moved gracefully down the hall, her bare feet not making a sound. Jayne was within arm's reach.
"Hello Jayne."
He was beginning to hate those words. Ruttin' crazy never even turned around, but she knew he was there.
"This needs to stop," Jayne started.
"It stops when she says it stops," River countered.
"No, gorramit, this stops now. You better stay the ruttin hell away from me girl or I'll.."
"You'll what? Tell Mal. I don't think so."
"Well, now maybe that brother of yours might get hurt while we're out on that job today." Jayne threatened.
River just smiled. It gave Jayne the chills. Gorram girl was ruttin crazy. Jayne stomped away.
The crew was gathering in the bay. Jayne was geared up. Zoe was staying back to watch the ship. Mal wanted Simon to go along to check out the goods. They were supposed to quality medical supplies, but Mal wanted to be sure.
River quietly entered the bay. She silently walked past the others. Jayne caught her staring at him and she gave him an evil smirk and winked at him. Then she let out a wail.
"Simon can't go, can't go, can't go." She clutched her head as she slid to the floor.
Mal bent down next to her. "Hey little albatross, what's wrong?"
"Simon in danger….. Jayne will…." And then she wailed again.
Mal stood up and looked to the merc with narrow eyes. "Jayne will what?" He looked back to River, curled on the floor in obvious pain and then turned towards Jayne.
"You got any ideas like Ariel, Jayne?" Mal asked low as he approached the big man.
Jayne's eyes widened, but he quickly regained his composure. "Mal, I don't know what she's wailing about." Mal turned back to look at River. "River?" he questioned. Jayne also caught her eye, a pleading look on his face. If Mal thought he was a threat to Simon, he would definitely airlock him. He had made that clear after Ariel.
River quieted and raised her eyes to Mal. "Jayne will protect him," she stated.
"You like it when she hurts you, don't you?"
"You're the gorram reader. You already know the answer," Jayne barked. He was angry with himself for letting her get the drop on him once more and now here he was, at her mercy again, no shirt, only boxers, arms suspended above his head, tied to a catwalk.
"But she wants to hear you say it." And she gave Jayne another hard smack on the butt.
Jayne grunted as she hit him again. "Answer the question or she will really hurt you."
"Fine, yes," he said through tight lips.
"Yes, what Jayne?" And she hit him again.
"I like it when you hurt me!" Jayne growled.
"I know." She circled around to Jayne's front and ran her hand down his chest. His eyes closed and he inhaled sharply when she twisted his nipples. "She is tired of your guilt, Jayne. Ariel is inconsequential. She is over it, and so must you be."
He started to apologize again, but was cut off by her hand over his mouth. "No more apologies, no more guilt. What's done is done. And she knows that you would not do something like that again." She moved her hand and caressed his cheek. He just stared as her tongue darted out and moistened her bottom lip. She leaned up and he felt her hot breath as she whispered, "And I like the feelings you are having right now much better. They slam into me like ocean waves. Make me feel things I can not explain, but am yearning to explore. You and I are going to explore them together, Jayne." And then she pressed a soft kiss to his lips and let the exploration begin.