I have just gotten a present from one of my many admirers. It seems that 'Lonely Boy' has a much more varied fantasy life than one would have ever suspected. He clearly has a thing for our Queen B. Jealous S? XOXO you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And what followed were images of about a dozen pages of one of Dan's writing journals. Very descriptive ones.
"Yeah, Blair's going to hate this." Said Dan softly as he looked at the computer screen and scrolled through words he'd written about a month ago, that had somehow ended up online. As if on cue his cell phone rang. A text message:
-We need to talk- B
"Sure Blair," Dan said to himself softly "I don't know what you think that will do, but whatever."
They met at a coffee place. It was decidedly off the beaten path, but the coffee was really good. Dan was mentally trying to reorganize his daily routine to include a visit there when Blair showed up.
"I don't know where we should start." she said facetiously, looking up as though in thought. " Maybe we should start with your apology? And skip any details, I read a page and a half and that was more than enough to make me lose my breakfast. I'm going to have low blood sugar during my morning classes and that too will be your fault."
"It's not a 'fault' situation." Dan said stroking his temple as though he was getting a headache already. "Actually, it is; it's the fault of whoever photographed one of my writing journals and then sent it in to Gossip Girl. And then it's also Gossip Girl's fault for not realizing that it wasn't actually gossip. It was just work."
"Save it Humphrey. I'm not the one who engaged in self-love while fantasizing about people who are way out of my league… that was you and you decided to record the details in a permanent form. This situation is entirely a product of your stupidity."
"Alright."
"Alright what?"
"I mean fine. Whatever. You think you know something and I don't think I can get you to believe anything else, so fine. What do you want to do?"
"You need to find Serena and make up with her."
"What makes you think Serena would want to get back together? She just broke up with someone. Not to mention the fact that she set him up to live with me. I understand her options were limited at the time, but it still felt like she was putting a pretty firm period on the end of our romantic relationship."
"I don't care if she actually gets back together with you. That's hardly the point. You will woo her publicly… and soon; this afternoon would be ideal, thus proving that we are not together and never have been. If the whole thing ends with Serena tearing your heart out with her bare hands, so much the better."
"Hmmm… and you make it sound so tempting…"
"It may not be pretty Humphrey, but it solves our problem."
"There is no problem. A bunch of people will think I have a thing for you. It didn't even say you reciprocate in any way. This is all in your head and I'm not going to engage in some ridiculous charade with Serena to snow a bunch of morons who take Gossip Girl that seriously. If this bothers you so much can't you just… slap me in public or something?"
"This is really not your forté, Humphrey. Slapping you in public, while satisfying I'm sure, could be seen as a lover's quarrel. It would imply that I have strong feelings towards you; in other words it would be a really stupid thing to do. I'm not surprised that you suggested it."
"Do you have any other ideas?" Dan said. "Not involving Serena." He added when Blair immediately started to reply.
"It doesn't have to be Serena. I started with her because I thought playing into your grandest obsession would get you to agree faster. Just find someone to kiss. Even Vanessa Abrams would do." Blair finished with an expression of distaste.
"Not Vanessa."
"You're so tedious. I'm not proposing that you forgive her for what she did to Serena. Pretend to forgive her, then use her and then discard her." Blair finished as though she was talking to a child.
"You're charming."
"And Vanessa Abrams," Said Blair, eyes hard and flinty with dislike for her subject matter. "is an unconvicted felon with delusions of moral superiority."
Dan sighed. He couldn't think of anything to say to that. He knew Vanessa was fundamentally a good person. It was almost scary that someone like her could get to a place that dark. Even if she clearly regretted it afterwards.
"Dan," Blair tried more softly " if this rumor persists and it ever comes out that we've been hanging out together without anyone knowing. Who will believe there wasn't more going on? Serena won't believe me. It's as simple as that."
"How about if I'm seen trying to pick someone up at a club or coffee place or something? That would work wouldn't it?"
"Tell me where and when and I'll have a minion ready with a camera."
Dan nodded and got up to leave.
"And... thanks Humphrey."