A/N: This is my first fan fic ever…so be gentle. LOL. I got inspired to write this during "Charisma." I just wondered what would have happened if everyone's favorite blue-eyed detective could just open up about his job, just once. Since this episode takes place before "Doubt," perhaps all the drama could be avoided. If you don't like Kathy…too bad, she seems to make him happy.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them…..too bad for me. But now that I think of it, Dick Wolf must have a million claims for people who would LOVE the rights to Elliot.

Spoilers: Pieces of Charisma.

Elliot POV

"Let him go."

Yeah, sure. Let me go. I swear, Huang gets off on seeing me like this. Taking me off the job, just to get in my head. God, I wanna throw this sick bastard in jail, not sit around and talk about my feelings! And….is this the LONGEST elevator is history…god, how many floors…THANK YOU.

Smile and nod. Smile and nod. That's right boys; I'm apparently more crazy than they all had thought. Me, one of the best special victims detectives in this city, well in my own opinion anyways. Even took my gun. Right, like I would even consider anything like that. I've got more to live for than to just end it. But God help me, grant me the wisdom to make sense of this…this…mess.

Well, ground at last…out the door, back to Queens. At least traffic won't be so awful and I'll have the house to myself, for a little while anyways. Geez! Did it get colder out here or is it just me? Oh, nothing like this city to make you really wish you could be somewhere else. There are some real freaks…freaks the kill innocent children…someone else's children…stop! Don't. Just…get in the car and drive.

Home. Everyone will be home soon and if I remember correctly, Maureen will be over for dinner, complete with a new boyfriend to torture. Kathleen will be rolling her eyes, complaining….Dickie will be bugging Lizzie, just because he can. Boy after my own heart. And Lizzie….STOP!

Why can't I just make that go away? All I keep seeing is MY precious baby…there…in that, that hell. Oh, damn it all…no holding back now, don't worry…no one will see you sobbing in your car. Phone…..thought I turned it off….who…great. THAT'S who I wanna hear from.

"sniffle Yeah?"

"El, are you okay? I called to see if you'd be home at a decent hour and they said you were sent home…"

"Kath. I'm fine. And I'd be willing to bet I'm going to be home before you."

I hate her long pause. She can see right through me…I bet she knows I've been crying. "What happened? It must have been really awful…Oh, God. Olivia?"

"No. No. She's…okay. Let's just say I've got a whole week off to straighten it out. I don't wanna talk about it right now."

"Okay…but promise me you WILL talk about it."

"Kath…come on…."

"No, Elliot. I know you. And you know that I'm here for you alright? You just don't think I can handle it."

"To be honest. I don't think I can." How about that….just came right out.

"….must be pretty terrible. sigh Well, I won't push you, but if you need to talk…"

"You're right there."

"Yeah, I'm that lump in the bed beside you. Listen, I've gotta go…oh, remember Maureen is bringing Jason, her new boyfriend, over for dinner. I'll brief you on him once I get home."

"Kathy. I know it's been weird lately…but, I love you. Don't forget it." Huh, why'd I say that….but it must be true….

"I know. I love you, too. We'll work it out…somehow. I really have to go sweet-heart. Bye."

"Bye."

I hate not telling her…but I don't want her to hurry and leave work just to be my shoulder to cry on. But, the night hasn't even begun. Guess I should get going before I look suspicious.