Title: Babbling Idiots

Author: poeticdownfall

A/N: Ick. What much is there to say in these damn things expect, "Hello and please enjoy my story that I have poured my very being into"? So, with that said, Hello and please enjoy my story that I have poured my very being into!

Oh and of course that one tiny little fact that I have abandoned a certain Peter Pan tale...hangs head in shame

Chapter One: If You Are Flammable and Have Legs...You Are Never Blocking a Fire Exit.

Blah Blah Bladdy BLAH! That's all I was hearing as Hermione confessed her love for Harry for the umpteenth time that lunch hour. It was beginning to get old rather quickly, and time was definatly on her side, going slower than a snail trying to cross the Quidditch Pitch in a wheelchair. I was beginning to think that maybe if I faked my death, she'd get the hint and stop talking. Or maybe if I began to hold my breath until I turned blue, she'd get the hint and ask me if I was okay, therefore granting me the void in her speech to run for the hills.

"And THEN..."

Her chocolate brown eyes were glazed and directed towards the ceiling as if God Himself was urging her to continue. Whatever great being was conducting her babble, I still was desperate for a break.

"Hermione?"

"He's just so-what?" She did not look pleased with my intteruption.

"I hate to break this wonderful conversation up..." Yea right. "But I really need to go to the libreary for some homework..."

Her ears perked up. "Homework trouble?"

I nodded.

"I can help you with that!"

Dammit. Why didn't I remember that Hermione Jane Granger loved two things: Harry Potter and showing off how smart she was? I was covering those topics like an umbrella in a leaky faucet. "A-actually I just need to get some studying done...big Potions test...heh."

Yea. Like she was going to believe that. I was already making a list of who got what when she nodded. "Alright, but can you tell Luna I need to talk to her? I'm sure she'd be thrilled to hear of my recent date with Harry!"

Her eyes glazed over but I was too far gone to notice. The libreary was quiet and it made my ears ring to have such soothing silence right after the ear splitting sqeals of Hermione. It was peaceful and I let out a deep breath of contentment. I wondered over to find a seat at a table only to find every single chair that libreary owned occupied. Great. Just my freakin luck. I turned to leave when I noticed one open spot. YES! I ran for it like a fat kid at cake and plopped down in it with another sigh of satisfaction.

"Finally..." I breathed, cracking open my Potions 101 book. I had just gotten to the chapter I needed to review when I felt a tap on my shoulders. Already frustrated at the break of concentration so early, I spun around and spat, "What?"

SMACK! That was all of my previous hopes of a peaceful study session smacking into the wall behind the ever-sophisticated Draco Freakin Malfoy.

His delicate eyebrow quirked up in question. "Grouchy, are we?"

I pouted, refusing to answer his question. Sticking my nose back in my book, I prayed to whatever decided it liked me that he'd go away.

"I asked you a question Weaslette."

Why did everything hate me? I sighed and turned to him. "Some people do get rather grouchy when they are intruded upon by the likes of a prick such as yourself..." I smiled prettily, batting my eyelashes as daintily as possible.

He frowned, his amused grin wiped clear off his face. I mentally high fived myself. "Well, some people wouldn't be intruded upon if they didn't steal other people's chairs..."

I scoffed. "What makes you say this?"

"You are in my chair."

"HAH! I don't see your name on it!"

He quirked an eyebrow and motioned for me to stand. I did so and there, clear as day were the intitials DLM. Well, shit. "Oh..." He gave a satisfied nod and smirk as if he had won. I wasn't giving in that easily. "I'm not moving..." and with that, I sat back down in "his" chair with a very unladylike PLOP.

His smirk scowled. "Get up..."

"Or what?" I challenged.

He had to think a moment, causing me to think I'd won and I gave a cocky grin. About time. "Or I'll sit on you."

WHAT! "WHAT!"

There was that infuriating smirk again. "I said, 'Or I'll sit on you.' Do you need a hearing agent?"

"No...I'm still not moving..." He wouldn't really sit on me. That's just absurd, crazy, insane, and completely and utterly obnoxious. Malfoys wouldn't stoop down that low...would they?

"Alright, but you asked for it..."

And BAM. There he was, on my lap. And he wasn't a light weight object either. His arse was rather bony and cut into my thigh. "HEY!" I cried, drawing the attention of everyone who wasn't already watching this scene unfold. "Get off!" I hissed under my breath.

He acted like he didn't hear me and kept on reading MY book.

"Malfoy!" I whined.

"Hmm? Oh, something seems to be on my chair...why, it resembles that off a weasel! Someone! I need something to pry it off with!"

The room erupted with laughter and I felt my cheeks burn red. "Please stop..." I whimpered. Alright. He won. I lost. Stop humiliating me now, please?

"Does anyone have some shit for it to eat? Maybe it's hungry?"

More laughter and more redness. He was taking this too far. But then again, should I really be surprised? He WAS a Malfoy after all, and I kind of DID ask for it. But that was no excuse for the taunting and teasing he was relentlessly unleashing on me. Then I remembered, he IS a Malfoy and I AM a Weasley. I wasn't going to take this shit, so I calmly reached over him and got my other book, propping it open on the table, resuming my studying as if nothing had happened.

He looked at me increduously and made me smile on the inside. I was finally throwing him for a loop. "What are you doing?" he hissed down at me.

I shrugged. "What does it look like? I am reading a book...or do you need a looking agent?"

He sneered at me before tossing my book off the other end of the table. He reached for his own book and began to read with his book on top of mine. I rose to the challenge and began rocking my own book back and forth. "Stop it!" I heard him growl.

"Stop what? I need to get this studying done, Malfoy!"

He grinded his bony butt down further into my thigh and I witheld the urge to cry out in pain. I was NOT going down, not yet. I carefully put my lips on his shoulder and bit down ever so gently, slowly biting harder and harder until I felt him cringe. "I'm warning you Weasley!"

The others had gone back to ignoring us since we weren't going to send each other's heads into next week anytime soon, so there was really nothing he could do about my teeth marks. "Or waf?"

He peered down at me, his stormy gray eyes melting into a softer blue for a quick moment. But before I could investigate and see if the switch had actually happened, the light was gone and he was scowling back at his book. I unhooked my death bite and almost felt sorry I had scarred him. Then, I remembered he WAS a Malfoy and I AM a Weasley and went back to reading.

Was it wrong for me to bask in the delight of his warm legs on mine? Or the way the light from the window made his hair shine like a golden halo? Ew. Definatly. I pushed his back, trying a different tactic to get him off me. But he was much larger than I was and didn't move one measly inch. "Malfoy!" I pleaded, leaning my head between his shoulder blades.

"Mmph" was his reply.

"Get off!" I tried louder.

He shook his head. "I just got to the good part...I'm not ruining it for a measly weasel..."

"UGH!" I groaned, closing my eyes and basking in his warmth. It was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. But that didn't stop the soft smile that invaded my lips, or my breathing getting slower and slower. And my thoughts drifting...drifting...

"Ginny...Giiiiiinny..."

"Mpghf..." I mumbled, desperate to cling to a few more moments of sleep.

"VIRGINIA WEASLEY!"

My eyes popped open and one very excited Hermione Granger came into focus. "Wha...?" I mumbled, burying my head into my pillow.

"I heard about last night!"

Last night? What happened last...oh shit. I jumped up almost colliding our heads together. I remembered falling asleep agaisnt his back and I think I remember being laid down, but I sure as hell didn't remember HOW I got there. "What happened?"

She gave a sly smirk, sitting down on my bed. "A certain Slytherin happened to carry you up here last night..."

"Malfoy?" He couldn't have carried me up here! Maybe levitated, but certainly not CARRIED!

But she gave a nod and a smile that screamed rumors were already flying like buzzards after a drought. Damn. I groaned and fell back agaisnt the bed. "What happened! Aren't you going to tell what's going on!"

"Nothing's going on!"

"Yea...that's why he carried you up here..."

I sighed, throwing my arm across my forehead. "I don't know why he carried me up here!"

"Suuuuure."

"I DON'T!"

"Alright alright! No need to get grumpy about it! I was just curious!" Silence. "Besides, he was holding you rather close..." And before I could press the issue further, she was gone, her shaking laughing shoulders disappearing through the door frame.

Life isn't fair.

So apparently he did carry me up to my dormitory and he did do it with a more than hateful enemies air, but that didn't have to mean anything, did it? Was it completely absurd to think that maybe, just maybe, that old crusty Malfoy meanness (A/N: how's that for alliteration!) could possibly have a twist of humanity in it!

Hm.

Yes.

Alright, so maybe Hermione was right and something was brewing, but judging from the harsh looks he was sending me from across the Dining Hall, that something was not about to be investigated any time soon.

"Why would I help you with your SPEW!" Ron cried with a mouth full of egg.

Hermoine pouted and crossed her arms. "For the last time Ronald, it's S-P-E-W! Not SPEW like bile or something!"

"I don't see the difference!"

Hermione's face turned a bright shade of pink and all of a sudden, a large spoonful of oatmeal landed smack on Ron's plate.

"EWW!" he shrieked, eyeing the food as if it might grow horns and begin to attack him. He pursed his lips in an angry fit and launched a forkful of egg in her general direction. However Ron's aim can be easily be compared to that of one of a very drunken man on a rowboat out on the sea during a frightful hurricane. It was not very good, to say the least and it splashed into the hair of a very ungrateful Ravenclaw girl.

"Good going..." I muttered, eating my own food.

"Oopps...?" he said sheepishly as the girl glared death rays at him.

The girl stood, looking slightly menicing over our table, and grabbed a handful of my waffle and threw it in Ron's face. "Hey!" I whined. I was hungry, why should I suffer?

I grabbed the rest of it and threw it at her. However my own aim could be compared to that of one of a slightly stoned man in a dart throwing contest. My grogginess from my lack of sleep made me see three of her at once and I missed entirely, landing the food in a Hufflepuff's plate.

"FOOD FIGHT!" someone cried, and all pandimonium erupted in shrieks and catcalls.

The teacher's table sprang to life in a vague attempt to calm the masses, but it was too late. Food was flying through the air as drinks were poured down robes and shirts. I did not want to participate in this in the least and quickly dove underneath the table like a frightened rabbit.

"Get your own table, Weasel!"

Off ALL tables for me to cower under, it just HAD to be the one with the ferret. "Last time I checked, this was the Gryffindor's table!"

He raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to remark when an unidintified piece of breakfast hit him in the cheek. He shook it off with a shudder of disgust before reaching out his hand for me. I stared at him. "It won't bite...it's much further up where you'll have to worry about that problem..."

I scoffed and threw my hand in his. "Needed to see what smooth skin felt like? Rather different from your scales, eh?"

He ignored my insult and pulled us out from underneath the table. He looked around, spotted the door, and made a run for it whilst tugging yours truely right behind him. I quickly surveyed the scene around us. Teachers frantically pulled students aside only to lose them as they fought to grab another. Ron was laughing while pouring maple syrup down a not too happy Slytherin. Hermoine looked completely baffled by the whole thing and stood there mouth agape while Harry defended her honor.

I couldn't supress a giggle and soon my small chuckles became embarassing belly laughs. Malfoy spun around. "What's so funny?" he demanded as he whisked the door close behind us.

I took a slow, calming breath. "It's - It's just that - LOOK AT THEM!"

He rolled his eyes and peered through the window of the door. Even he couldn't stop the tugging of his lips as he watched the struggling members of Hogwarts battle it out in the food fights of all food fights in the history of the school. His lips twitched and sure enough, he smiled.

"See!" I cried happily.

He shook his head, the smile disappearing before I even got to properly relish in it. Not fair. "If you find such joy in that, why don't you go back in there and have a go?"

"Maybe because I don't feel like becoming a human buffet bar!" I had to laugh at my wit.

He didn't look so amused and began to walk away. It was all I could do to resist the temptation to grab those broad shoulders and smash them agaisnt the wall for the snog of a lifetime. Thankfully, my girlish hormones remained in check as I made my own way to my room with one question plaguing my mind.

Why did he help me out of there?

A/N: Ahhh...cracks knuckles How's it sound so far? I really do try to stay away from all this cliched nonscense...it just gets so repeatative and really makes me run to the bathroom with my hand clamped over my mouth! That's why I decided to take a dip into the HP universe and see what kind of chaos I could inflict. I also hate it when Draco turns into this Casanova outta nowhere! Our brave and cynical Slytherin MUST make some kind of appearance! THEREFORE, I write. THEREFORE, you review. 'Nuf said.