A/N: Takes place in season 1, during Jeff's drunk dial to Britta in "Communication Studies." OOC because he's drunk so I took some liberties, ahah.
"Sorry," Jeff snorts. "Abed's turtle face is just really funny. Anyway, I think the main of this…phone call…is for me to tell you how much I really value you as a friend. A friend. Cause that's what we are, friends." Jeff turns quiet and takes a short of vodka. Abed laughs.
"But also," Jeff says, "know that if you ever wanted to-you know-I would drop it off with Slater in a minute." Jeff pauses – should he have said that? He looks at Abed, who nods seriously. This is just a movie to him. Jeff grins. He puts the phone to his mouth. "You were my first Greendale kiss!" Abed clutches at his heart, scrunching his shirt in the process, and nods with his eyes closed.
"Okay, but like Britta," Jeff says abruptly, "how weird is Pierce? And how weird is it that he thinks I'm gay and that you're a lesbian? I mean, that's just like another piece to the puzzle that we're supposed to be together. Uh, if I wasn't dating Slater, I mean." Jeff corrects himself, he doesn't want to totally disrespect Slater here. "Here Britta, I'm gonna play you some music okay – by the way, I'm kind of drunk. So is Abed. It's weird. "
Jeff motions to Abed, and Abed nods smartly, before turning up the stereo. Jeff vaguely recognizes the song. Jeff holds the phone above him, letting Britta's answering machine listen. He sways a bit to the melody, a dreamy smile plastered on his face. He brings the phone back to his mouth.
"Nice, right," he says sloppily, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm so tired, I just want to cuddle… let me guess. Britta Perry is too good for cuddling right?" Jeff snorts. " Nah. I think you're like me, I think you secretly love it." Jeff clears his throat, feeling stupid. "Hey, wanna hear some fart noises?" Jeff struggles to hold his phone in between his ear and shoulder, and smacks his armpit with his hand, laughing hysterically.
"Oh God, that's good stuff," Jeff says. He sees Abed on his own phone, ordering a pizza and making a movie reference…or something. Jeff eyes Abed while sipping from the vodka bottle before lowering his voice.
"One last thing, Britta. This is strictly confidential, though, so can't tell anyone. But I love nipple play." Jeff hangs up, bites his lip, and bursts into giddy laughter.