I started this ages ago, but have never been able to complete a chapter or fixed its issues. With the show clearly going the Kensi/Deeks route, I tried to jump on board but those tiny scenes occasionally draw me back to Kensi/Callen and I just don't think I can move on.
This is my second attempt at writing these two, my first is 'history', (under the penname rainwalks), though I was unable to finish that as my computer with the next couple chapters died and I haven't been able to make myself re-write them- trust me I tried numerous times!
Honestly I struggle to consistently write these two, as the show tends to dampen my writing mood oftenly, but just thought I would give it another go as I have now finished uni for the year and have a long break- yay for summer and daylight savings!
Sorry for the novel before the actual story.
After the shooting she had kept her distance. Those couple days afterwards – the surgeries, the medicated coma, the constant chance he wouldn't make – had nearly killed her. Sam had kept to his partner's side, unable to trust the agents standing at the door. He had only left when Mase or Renko was there to stand watch or on the rare occasions he was able to convince her to, something he had quickly stopped trying to do. Mase had understood and initially Kensi had leaned on her slightly but it hadn't taken long for Mase to be transferred far away and Henrietta Lang to have taken over. The short and powerful woman had obviously worked with Callen before and held him in high regards, but Kensi couldn't help that Hetty was unsure of her.
Once he was finally in the clear she couldn't move past the images in her mind. She would sit there just staring at the machines and tubes, unable to believe he was alive. She was in the room when he finally woke and she had seen the fear in his eyes subside when he noticed her. She had quickly moved to the wall opposite him when the nurses rushed in, making sure not to let her own fear and concern show. Kensi ignored the looks she was getting from the doctor and nurses due to her seemingly careless attitude to Callen waking up, to the untrained eye she appeared detached to the man on the hospital bed in front of her, as if his outcome didn't affect her. Even Callen appeared to be slightly confused at her stand-offish appearance.
When Sam and Hetty showed up moments after the staff left, Kensi quietly left. Callen watched her leave out of the corner of his eye, clocking her actions to the back of his mind until he has a chance to question Sam on them. Hetty watched Callen's reactions, trying to gather a read on the younger agents actions based on his read on the situation.
That chance to question Sam on Kensi's actions came quicker than he had expected after Hetty left for a meeting with the Director. Callen's thoughts on his shooting and new boss had instantly come back to her the moment Hetty excused herself from the room.
"Is Kensi okay?" He asked directly.
"You will have to ask her, in case you didn't notice she's not really in the sharing mood." Sam responded.
"Do you have any idea how she's been?"
"G, you have been out of it for a week, how do you think she has been?" Sam quickly put an end to the conversation.
For the next week Kensi made a point of visiting when she knew he would be sleeping. She never spoke, didn't stay for long and always stayed leaning against the window opposite his bed. Hetty had watched her from afar during a number of these visits. She had initially been concerned about how the shooting would affect her field work but every time Kensi simply pushed it aside and got the job done. She had done her job so well that Hetty had decided that they just mustn't have been all that close, even sensing some fear in Kensi towards the senior agent but she wasn't quite ready to call her on any of it just yet. Half way through the second week after Callen woke, a nurse who had clearly taken a shine to him beat her to it and called Kensi on her visits.
"If you don't mind me asking," the nurse tried to act polite, even going to the effort of a large, fake smile. "Why do you visit?"
"Sorry?" Kensi spoke for the first time in that hospital room since Callen woke.
"I mean, you seem like you don't even want to be here."
"I think I do mind you asking actually." Kensi was quite taken aback by the nurse's bluntness.
"It's just that –"
"- just what?"
"Just that I've never noticed you talk to him, you only come when he's sleeping and everyone around here has noticed. Do you even like him?"
"I think that is none of your business." Callen broke the silence, having been woken by the voices.
Both women turned at the sound of his voice, a look of embarrassment on one and a mixture of fear and shock on the other.
"I-I-I'm sorry" The nurse stuttered as she hurried away.
"Thanks." Kensi said quietly, eyeing him cautiously.
"Are you doing okay?" She asked, breaking the silence they had lapsed into. A silence quite different to the comfortable one they often found themselves in and both noticed the difference.
"Getting there." He said honestly, motioning for her to come closer while attempting to keep her gaze to give him some sort of read on her current state.
"Good." she came to stand next to his bed, still keeping a distance between them.
"Are you holding up okay with Sam as a partner?" He was trying to not push her.
"He always tries to make me eat healthy." She gave him a small smile, for the first time since before it all happened.
Hetty had caught the end of the conversation as she entered and saw
"Miss Blye, how nice to see you here." Hetty stated with enough undertone to ensure both agents would understand her words exactly. Once witnessing an actual exchange between the two agents, Hetty realised her mistake; Kensi didn't fear the man, she feared his fate.
After that she begun to visit less regularly but always made sure to go when he would be awake. They rarely would discuss anything but work and he knew she was distancing herself, she had been since he was shot.
His recovery was a long process; it took weeks before he was even able to leave the hospital. Once out, he had a lot of physical therapy and a strict exercise routine. He fell back into his lone wolf ways, barely seeing any of his colleagues, who themselves were busy with work. Though Sam always made a point to help him choose new places to stay and to drag him to fortnightly games and Hetty stopped by often enough, Callen tried to spend as little time as possible with any of them, he hated their constant concern. Kensi stayed away as usual, giving him space to recover and time for her memories of his blood to fade. It took him weeks to approach her.
The knocking on her open bedroom door startled her awake, instantly she trained her gun on the man standing in her door way.
"I could have shot you." Kensi simply said, the moonlight lit up her room enough to make out Callen.
"What's one more bullet?" He said smirking at the glare he received. "At least I knocked."
"It's two am." Kensi stated, sitting up against the headboard.
"I couldn't sleep."
"What do you want from me?" She sighed before continuing, "You can stay here if you want," gesturing to the space next to her.
"I want everyone to stop treating me like I died that day, that if they do or say the wrong thing around me that I will break. I sick of everyone acting differently." He sat on the edge of the bed, right next to her, facing her, invading her personal space to force her to acknowledge his short rant.
"I thought you were dead, G." Her sentence threw him.
"I'm not. I'm right here, I'm alive." She diverted her glaze and ignored his comment.
"That day, Mase had me work the crime scene, she had sent Sam with you and she had to deal with the politics of it all. I was there for nearly twenty hours, with no word on you, nobody told me anything and everybody else there expected me to answer all of their questions. That whole time all I could think about was the amount of blood, your blood, that there was too much. My training told me you should be dead, it told me that one person shouldn't bled this much and live." He had been watching her throughout her story,
"Kensi," he said forcefully, the look in her eye as she lifted her head to look at her, made him lower his voice. "Kens." He stared at her, trying to grasp some sort of control over the situation, though it was clear to both that neither were in control. "I am alive." He simply stated.
"I know." She responded quietly.
"Do you?" Her eyes flickered to his for a second and that was all the answer he needed, she knew it , she just didn't believe it.
He stared at her for a few seconds before leaning down and kissed her hesitantly, but forcefully. He felt her freeze for a second, completely thrown, but quickly responded, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He pinned her against the headboard, showing, proving to her that he was okay, alive. Neither was in control with anything in that moment, but somehow in the darkness, it didn't matter. She pulled away first, needing air and distance to process, though he kept her pinned, disallowing her to overthink.
"Believe me now?" He asked lightly, ignoring the numerous boundaries he just crossed, watching her like always. He knew he shouldn't have crossed that line, and wasn't entirely sure how she would react, but neither were really thinking straight and they both knew it.
"Not quite" she responded with a slight smirk, two could play at that game. With him having already thrown the boundaries and rules well and truly out the window, she leant forward and initiated another kiss.
Later she fell asleep watching his bare chest rise and fall with each breath, confirming to her he was alive. They both slept peacefully, with the knowledge that the other was at their side, for the first time in a long time.
A/N – there are numerous parts I'm not entirely happy with but spent to long analysing them to change at the moment.
Hope you enjoyed!