A Cricket in the Watchtower
Chapter 1
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Lois shrieked in horror, all the Leaguers waking up
"what the hell is the matter with you?" Black Mask asked sleepily and grumpily
"well, it's about time you all woke up" a voice chirped
"who said that?" Hippolyta asked before gasping and swooning at the tiny green cricket dressed in a suit with a top hat and little red umbrella
"oh no. no, no, no and no. I am NOT letting THAT THING in my house" Batman snarled, about to crush Jiminy until Supergirl got the cricket out of harm's way
"Kara… gimme the bug. Kara, listen to your big brother and give me the creepy perverted bug" Batman ordered, Supergirl defending Jiminy
"Supergirl's got a lot of purity. But actually, I came here for YOU" Jiminy announced, pointing at Batman
"…what?" the Dark Knight asked as the Leaguers snickered in amusement
"yes. I've been very disappointed in your behavior. You're rude to your sidekick, you only think about yourself, you never smile or laugh, you're always grumpy and yelling, you always drink and swear, you always rant and rave, you always lose your temper…" Jiminy listed
"ok, ok! I get it" Batman snapped, before his nose grew an inch, Kara and Alex giggling in amusement
"oh no… no, no, no…" Batman whimpered as his body became more wooden and puppetlike
"until you learn to be kind, caring and selfless, you may be a real man. Until then you're a wooden puppet" the Blue Fairy decreed before turning to Jiminy
"I'm sooo glad I broke up with you. You really suck" the Blue Fairy spat, disappearing
"what was up with her?" Green Arrow asked
"you… don't wanna know" Jiminy said
"so… I'm a freakin…" Batman said, before catching himself
"I'm a puppet" Batman said through clenched teeth
"atta boy, son! Now let me teach you the straight and narrow path" Jiminy said cheerfully
"OVER MY DEAD BODY" Batman thundered, his nose growing even longer
"hehehehe…" the Leaguers giggled in delight, Superman recording every minute
"when you're in trouble and you don't know right from wrong, give a little whistle…" Jiminy sang, Kara and Alex whistling in sync
One song later…
"…when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true" Jiminy sang operatically, the Leaguers applauding
"that was… the best lullaby ever…" Supergirl whispered, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep, sucking her thumb as Alex hugged her close
"I can tell Walt Disney would be spinning in his grave if he ever saw this" Batman grumbled irately
"yeah. He probably would" Jiminy agreed, Batman actually chuckling in amusement
"good one. You're not that bad… for an anthropomorphic cricket" Batman said
"I'm one of a kind" Jiminy replied, yawning as he rested on Batman's head