I had this idea whilst looking at one of the Lists of Things I Am Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts. This is basically the same thing, but I'm hoping it includes some new ideas. If anything inspires a story, just let me know and send me a link.

Disclaimer: If you cannot tell that Harry Potter et al. is not mine, then I seriously doubt your sanity and I firmly believe that you should go read a book called either Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone or Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, both by J. K. Rowling.

I will not convince firsties that there is a house for the crazy called the Lovegood house, nor that almost everyone thinks Dumbledore should have been sent there. I will not convince said firstie to do a survey asking older students if they think Dumbledore should have gone to the crazy house.

I will not convince other students that the Dark Lord's head is the shape and texture of a bowling ball, nor will I inform them that the serpentine nostrils (once thoroughly cleaned) are perfect places for your fingers when you toss the skull-ball down the lane.

I will not inform the Weasley twins that the proper term for more than one prankster is 'prankstren', nor will I charm every dictionary within range to make sure it proves this.

I will not deface the school yearbooks with mustaches and goatees, no matter how evil Tom Riddle might have been.

I will not deface the school yearbooks with gazelle antlers and oddly shaped facial moles, either.

I will not charm the House banners to be fluorescent colours.

I will not start a black market of miniature badger, snake, lion, and eagle figurines that are animated to wrestle with the proper password.

I will not post a picture of a raven on the Ravenclaw common room door with a Permanent Sticking Charm, even if I think it is ridiculous that the Ravenclaw mascot is an eagle rather than a raven.

I will not transfigure the eagle door knocker into a raven.

I will not transfigure the chairs in the Hufflepuff common room into soft rugs and piles of fluff, no matter how comfortable I think it will make them.