If He Loved Her

I don't own Avatar.

A loud crash awakens Katara. She quickly pushes the comforter off of her and gets up from the futon, running to the source of the loud noise. She enters the main room of the apartment she was now living at and immediately caught the mess near the opened door – a dresser tipped over on it's side, papers scattered all over the floor, and a drunken Zuko lying on his side laughing at it all. Katara looks at the grandfather clock and takes note of the time; it's three forty in the morning.

This wasn't the first time this has happened. Sighing in agitation, she walked over to the door and closed it. Zuko had stopped laughing and rolled on to his back with a sigh. He reached out for his fedora, feeling around but his fingers never coming in contact with the hat. She kicked his feet aside as she made her way to the kitchen to light a lamp.

" How many times is this going to happen?" She asked as she lit a match. He scoffed, " Is this how it's going to be now? Get drunk and come make a mess at all hours of the night?" Katara lit the lamp and blew out the match. She walked into the main room and knelt down next to Zuko, placing the lamp gently on the floor. There was no electricity in the neighborhood, the power grid completely decimated by the American bombing raids months earlier.

" I am a grown man," Zuko drawled, " I can do whatever the hell I want."

" No you can't. Not when someone else lives here." Her nose scrunched up. " Christ, you stink."

" This is my apartment. Not yours," He slowly sat up and ran a hand through his hair. His hand fell down in his lap like a dead weight. " Don't go telling me what I can't do."

" Oh, we're going to play that game tonight." Katara stood up, pulling her cotton slip on away from her skin. Even though it was September, it was still hot outside, and the slick sheen of sweat against her skin had the slip stick to her body like a second skin. " You can spend the rest of the night out here."

She feels his arms wrap around her waist and his face against her stomach. Zuko breathes her in, pulling her closer, as if he's afraid she's going to disappear; and maybe she is. Maybe she is fading away and he's only grasping on to whatever's left of her to keep in his own two hands. Maybe if he held on tight enough, longer enough, she wouldn't disappear like everyone else in his life.

Katara's stiff in his arms, but he doesn't acknowledge it. Instead, he places kisses all over her small swell of her stomach. This child, their child, his child – he didn't want to let it go. It was his child and felt as if it should stay here, with him, as his father. Zuko had already lost one child, she knew this, and yet she was taking it away from him. How dare she decide on her own accord?

" I love you, I love you… Aishiteru…" He whispers drunkenly against her stomach. She can feel the heat of his breath against her skin and it sends a shiver down her spine and goosebumps across her skin. " Kimi ga boku no…"

" Zuko…" Katara is tired, defeated. " We've went through this…"

" It can work."

" No, it can't."

He looks up at her, " Your life is here now. This child is mine. Why can't you just accept the fact? Why can't you stop being so stubborn for once in your life and realize that you can't go back."

In a perfect world, the soft hands grazing his face, down his neck, and landing softly on his shoulders would be the touch of a loving wife. Instead of the sad eyes and pitiful expression, it would be warm and lovingly. He would whisper sweet nothings to their child and she would laugh. They would be back in at his family residence watching fireflies and humming sweet songs. She would wear nothing but the finest yukatas and kimonos and be treated as the lady of the house as he followed in his father's footsteps and pursued his political career.

She would always be by his side as the perfect wife and mother.

In a perfect world, that is.

But, they didn't live in this perfect world. The hands on his shoulders pushed him away. She steped away from him and left a distance that makes him feel alone and broken. Katara is not his wife and she would never be his wife. Their child would never be his child. Their lives together would never happen. He could promise her the world and it would mean nothing.

" You're living in a fantasy. A drunken fantasy."

Because she never wanted to be in this situation in the first place.

" Do you love me?"

" How can I love someone who doesn't understand who I am and what I need? How can I love someone that refuses to leave a fantasy and face reality? When will you see that I do not belong here?"

" Kimi no koto ga suki dakara… I would give you the world, Katara."

" And watch it from afar in a locked cage? Is that giving me the world? Is that loving me?" She sighs in frustration, " I am not happy here. I was never happy here. The time we spent together was a fantasy, an escape from the reality of the war. Now, it's time to face the truth. I will never be happy here. If you love me, you'd understand that."

If you loved me. She always said those four words, if you loved me. Those four irritating words were like nails against a chalkboard; as if what he did was not enough to prove to her that he did, in fact, love her. Why couldn't she simply accept him and his way of life? Why couldn't she just appreciate the fact that he was protecting her from the war? Did she think that if she returned home everything would be normal? Had she forgotten that her family was imprisoned over there for simply being Japanese? Why couldn't she understand that her life was safer here, that everything he has done was for her.

But, she disappears into the bedroom without another word, leaving him alone, surrounded by a mess of papers and a tipped over dresser. He shrugs out of his white button down shirt and tosses it across the room in anger, leaving him in a white wife beater and black slacks. Zuko has a headache and he's drunk, so he lies down on the cold wood floor and tries to manage an attempt at some form of sleep. When sleep does settle over him, it settles hard, so much so he doesn't notice when Katara covers him with a spare comforter.

The next morning, he wakes up to a piercing migraine and the urge to throw up. He sits up and notices the sheet over his body. Wincing, he pushes the sheets off of him and gets up off of the floor. Zuko stretches and notices the table in the kitchen – there's a glass of water, a bowl of rice, a small dish of pickles, and a bottle of aspirin on top. He turns around and sees Katara sitting by the window, in a yellow dress, wavy hair pulled into a high ponytail, taking in the sunlight to read a book silently to herself.

That afternoon he goes to the shipping liner's office, the only one allowed to perform civilian transport to America, and purchases her ticket home.

If he loved her… Heh, he was willing to set her free.

AN: So, I decided to write this after getting positive reviews for the original story, A Red Light Turns On. The original story is basically Katara's story trapped in another country so we never really see into Zuko's whole psyche during the five year time span of their complicated relationship.

I like to believe that Zuko loved her during this time, but his love was plagued with a fear. He had lost his mother, his cousin in the war, his Uncle was basically banished from the family for following his heart, his first wife dies and so does his newborn. So, when he falls in love with Katara he decides that the best way to keep her from leaving him would be to smother her and protect her from the outside world. Unfortunately, he refuses to leave their "fantasy" and no matter how much Katara pushes him away he still comes crawling back to her in hopes she'd just give up and realize he's right.

Katara loves him but she just wants to go home. She knows she doesn't belong in that country. So, despite the fact that she'll say cruel things, Katara will cave in and make sure he's warm at night or make his breakfast in the morning. She acts like his "wife" whether she realizes it or not.

Thanks for reading :)

Translations:

Aishiteru - I love you
Kimi wa boku no - You are my _ (mine)
Kimi no koto ga suki dakara - Because I love you