It Gets Easier
Eat when you need to, sleep because you have to, and all the in-between is work. Breath to show you're alive, smile because it's healthy and don't cry because it doesn't help. Read when you want to escape, listen because it's polite and remember; actions speak louder than words. Confide in the written and not the spoken for words can be manipulated. Keep your head busy with the superficial things so you don't think of her. Let out a sigh at the end of a long day, go to bed with a clear head and sleep. Wake up in the morning with sun in your eyes and lest we repeat.
Like a mantra- a routine embedded into the pores of his skin and the depths of his mind, he abided to these restrictions. Lost in the labyrinths of partly his own makings, he drowned in the deep waves of his own self-pity and depression. She had left him as the result of a sequence of unfortunate events, which fomented to the end product.
She was a vampire. She left him. He was alone.
It was as simple and complicated as that. His own vivid imaginations took a life of its own, his inner monster seeping into reality through the ministrations of his mind. His closeted nightmares haunted his dreams and acted as a constant reminder in his consciousness. They reminded him of his sin, and reinforced his guilt. They laughed, mocked and ridiculed him for his weakness and inability to control his own lust for power, retribution- and blood. He built this idea of himself, of melancholy and vengeance, that along the way he lost himself. The constrictions of the cage he constructed restricted him from growing, always pulling him back into the abyss.
Because he was a monster, he deserved this. He was allowed no happiness.
He ate, because he needed to survive. His life clinging to the mere white tablets of iron, its taste bitter and foul. He slept, because the hours of the day seemed too long, and the ordeal of his mind on for a whole twenty-four hours of a day was a terrorizing thought. And, as always- all the in-between was filled with menial work, either it be schoolwork, or council work.
He numbered his days from that event. Counting upwards, the hours and seconds from when that mere moment fleeted. He kept playing it over and over again, the simple utterance of simple words. How he could've done something different, how he could've done a million things different. But with the counting up of time, came about years, and with the years, the rawness of the wound healed. Although painful and a long process it was, it healed.
The menial processes of life became easier, simpler even. His breathing became less shallow. And although he would never admit it, the slightest tug of the corner of his lips was a smile, and what a good smile it was. He never cried and had yet to cry, he couldn't bring himself down to that extent.
Along with the more superficial processes becoming easier, his general life started an upward inclination. She helped him through it more than he would ever admit. She was the only consistent thing in his life. And really, from the beginning, she was always the consistent thing in his life.
It started off small.
"Zero? Are you in there?- I have today's homework for you," Her voice would speak modestly from the outside of his door, "I'll just slide it under your door"
And with the simple slip of two sheets of A4 paper under the tiny crack of his door, began a string of growing events.
It formed into something complacent.
"Here, they gave me an extra loaf of bread" She said as she poked his shoulder with one piece of bread the size of her palm. He looked up at her quizzically.
"What? You look hungry" She shrugged, tossing him the loaf before disappearing around the corner of the corridor.
Complacent led to a state of comfort.
His neck met the trunk of the tree with a small bump. He let his eyes fall shut and allowed for a moment of weakness, letting his mind wonder to its heart's content. He let her head lean on his shoulder in the symphony of subtle silence that lingered between them.
Comfort turned into a requited friendship.
"Zero, did you get the notes from class the other day? She asked.
"Yeah, I'll write up an extra copy for you" He said simply, as if it was the most natural thing to say. She looked over to him and gave a quick small smile before looking back down to her own work. He smiled to himself, under the white bangs of his fringe.
And friendship well- friendship turned into somethingmore.
"Its almost that time again, isn't it?" Her voice was meek and a little unnerving.
"Yeah, time has gone by quickly" He stated,
"I always feel sad around this time-"
"Why?" He looked at her, sitting at the post of his bed, her eyes looking almost as if they weren't there. She looked up at him with autumn in her pupils. Autumn and sadness.
"Don't you feel sad when this time comes around?"
He wanted to look away from her, almost feeling the shame and bile build up in the pit of his stomach. But, like an angelic siren, she pulled him in and kept him there. Her eyes playing a melodic tune.
"I guess you're right." He said, adverting his eyes to the side, ripping the image of her wide eyes staring at him. "But you-" He paused. "We shouldn't be sad anymore."
He shifted from the side of his bed and leaned down to her small figure sitting on the floor. Almost shakily and guiltily, he reached the tips of his fingers to rest on her cheeks.
"We shouldn't be sad anymore, because we have each other." He said, leaning his forehead on hers. Their eyes never leaving each other.
He read the mere prints of his textbooks and homework when he wanted to escape, listened to the obscure lectures of his teachers. He kept himself occupied with the superficial to keep his mind from lingering to uncharted areas; he kept it busy to keep it from thinking of her. But as time grew, these things became easier.
Actions spoke louder than words.
Their warm foreheads were pressed against one another, their fringes entangling; white with gold. His cool finger caressed the heat of her cheeks, daring to lead her closer to him. Her pink lips breathed a string of air across his before they met in a simple chaste kiss. They broke away lightheaded, eyes still connected to eyes in an awe of newfound understanding.
...
Let out a sigh at the end of a long day, go to bed with a clear head and sleep. Wake up in the morning with sun in your eyes and lest we repeat.
A Zero-centric angst story, because I'm feeling a bit angst-y. Enjoy
V