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"Danny, I don't need a Christmas tree," Steve McGarrett protested for what seemed like the hundredth time.
"What do you mean you don't need a Christmas tree? Of course you need a Christmas tree! It's Christmas, even on this pineapple-infested rock," his partner, Danny Williams, replied.
"I have a cat," Steve pointed out. "Who knows what he'll do to a Christmas tree."
That stopped Danny momentarily. He paused in his perusal of the Christmas tree lot he'd dragged Steve to. "So, we'll get a small one you can put on a table. Then your stupid cat won't be able to get to it."
"Yeah, like that worked so well with the turkey for Thanksgiving," Steve said sarcastically.
Danny ignored him, moving away from the taller trees to the smaller ones. He selected a four-foot Douglas fir. "How about this one?"
Steve sighed. He knew when to give up. There was no arguing with Danny when he was in this mood. "Fine. Can we go now?"
Ninja watched from his perch as Danny and Steve dragged the tree into the house. They left the tree lying in the living room while Danny set up the folding table they'd bought to put the tree on, and Steve went to get the ornaments and decorations. Ninja cautiously approached the tree and sniffed at the branches. "Hey, scat!" Danny said, noticing him.
Ninja gave Danny a haughty glance and sauntered away, clearly indicating he was moving because he wanted to, not because Danny said. Ninja stopped a few feet away and stuck a rear paw in the air, clearly telling Danny what he thought. "Stupid cat," Danny muttered.
Steve returned with the box of decorations, and they wrestled the tree into the stand. Ninja had retreated back to his perch and continued to watch with interest. Danny pulled the lights out of the box and began untangling them. Ninja watched the strands twitch and Danny worked on them. Ninja's tail swung back and forth, and he left his perch to creep slowly up on the moving strand of lights. Closer, closer, and...pounce!
"Hey, leave those alone!" Danny shouted. Ninja ignored him and continued batting at the lights, getting himself tangled up as he rolled around. Danny reached for him. Ninja hissed and swatted at Danny's hand, connecting and drawing blood. "Ouch!"
Steve looked over from where he was straightening the tree. "That's what you get for making sudden moves. You scared him."
"I scared him!" Danny pointed to where Ninja was still playing with the lights. "Does he look scared to you? Your cat hates me, I swear."
"Whatever." Steve turned back to his task. "Does this look straight to you?"
"Yeah, it's fine." Danny moved towards the lights again. Ninja glared and hissed. "Look, can you do something with your cat? We'll never get the tree decorated with him around."
"Fine." Steve reached for Ninja, who allowed himself to be picked up with out protest. Steve snuggled the cat to his chest and scratched his ears. "Why don't we go up to Daddy's bedroom for a while, okay?" Ninja just purred in response.
Steve shut Ninja in the bedroom and returned downstairs to find Danny had finished untangling the lights. They draped the lights on the tree and started on the ornaments. After a few minutes, a hideous wail like an animal being tortured came from upstairs. "Jesus, Steve, what did you do to your cat?"
"I don't think he likes being shut up."
"Well, do something about it before the neighbors call the police because somebody's being tortured."
"You're the one who wanted me to put him up," Steve pointed out.
"Steve!"
"Fine. We're almost done anyway." Steve went to let Ninja out. The cat stalked into the living room, glared at Danny, and once again stuck his back leg in the air. Danny ignored him.
The men finished the tree, grabbed a couple of beers, and sprawled on the sofa, admiring their handiwork. They chatted about nothing in particular, not noticing Ninja creeping up on the tree until they heard a rustling. They turned to see a small, black head peeking out from between the branches. "Meow."
"Ninja, no!" Steve scolded. The cat just blinked at them. "Great, how am I supposed to get him out of there?" Steve wondered aloud.
"Easy." Danny strode over to the tree, reached his hand into the branches, and grabbed Ninja by the scruff of his neck. The cat turned into a snarling demon, clawing at Danny until he managed to escape and raced up stairs. "Ow! I swear, one of these days I'm going to end up in the ER, all because of your stupid cat."
Steve examined the scratches. "You'll be fine. I'll clean and bandage them, and then maybe it's time to call it a day, don't you think?"
"Sounds good to me."
After Danny left, Steve turned on a game and sat down to watch it. After a while, Ninja crept down from upstairs, looked around for Danny, and, satisfied the other man had left, curled up in Steve's lap. Eventually, Steve displaced him to go get another beer. While he was in the kitchen, he heard a crash and returned to the living room to find the tree knocked over, Ninja sitting next to it innocently. "Meow?" The cat asked. "Who, me?"
"Oh, for Pete's sake," Steve muttered. This had to stop. A cat and a Christmas tree was clearly a bad idea. He couldn't just get rid of the tree, though—Danny would never forgive him, and Steve had to admit it was kind of pretty, and he did kind of like it. He booted up his laptop and settled in to research solutions.
After some browsing, one suggestion caught his eye. He looked at the picture, read the instructions, looked at the diagram, and got to work.
When Danny arrived the next morning to pick Steve up for work, he stopped when he saw the tree. "What in the world is that?"
"It's a Christmas tree."
"It's hanging from the ceiling!"
"It was the best way I could find to keep Ninja from it."
"Does it work?"
"Yep."
As if to illustrate his point, Ninja leaped onto the arm of the sofa and ineffectually batted at the dangling Christmas tree. Frustrated, he lunged, missed, and ended up sprawling on the floor. Noticing the men, he began grooming himself, trying to salvage his dignity, his hind leg once again in the air.
Danny chuckled. "Not bad. See, getting a tree was a good idea after all."
"Sure, Danny, whatever you say."