There was a Mega Man. The Mega Man hungered for steak. The steak was in the freezer. The freezer was in the meat department of the local grocery store. The Mega Man was not at the grocery store. The Mega Man was at home. The Mega Man legs were too short to walk all the way to the grocery store and even if they weren't, he had no money to purchase such a steak. The Mega Man's mother told him, "We're eating liverwurst for dinner." The Mega Man detested Liverwurst. "The only thing worse than not eating steak, is eating liverwurst," thought the Mega Man. The Mega Man knew that if he wanted to be eating steak tonight then he would have to think of something quick.
The Mega Man hatched an ingenious scheme. His plan was to ask his mother if she could go to the grocery store and buy him steak so that he could eat steak and his parents wouldn't have to go through the trouble of sharing their "coveted liverwurst." Enthralled by his cleverness, the Mega Man approached his mother and opened his mouth thus setting the wheels in motion, "Mom? Could you please go the store and buy me steak so that…" "I'm afraid not," the exclusively biological mother said, undeterred from her chopping of the liverwurst. The Mega Man was stunned. He watched the knife come slapping down on the liverwurst ejecting hyperactive discuses of meat all over the cutting board like mattress springs left to the fate of a hateful trash compactor. The meat was cut and ready to be ingested. He couldn't believe his plan failed. He didn't even have a chance to explain how his eating of steak would increase their net intake of liverwurst. He didn't even have the chance.
The Mega Man's plans never fail. Just the other week the Mega Man had made plans to invite his friend over to play cops and robbers, and like that, the friend was over within the hour, and they were playing, cops and robbers. He knew this day would come but it posed an incredible shock to the Mega Man that it would arrive so soon. It appeared that today was the day the Mega Man had learned that that you can never get everything you want in life. Sometimes you have to make compromises. Unfortunately for the Mega Man, his situation demanded that he not only fail to get what he wanted but ALSO compromise . It was two lessons in one, enough to make any child smash his head through a wall, but the Mega Man was a smart cookie who always wore a helmet—presumably for these situations. He consumed the liver with abject fear only to discover "hey this isn't so bad." Little did he know the worst was yet to come. Excusing himself from the table the Mega Man made his way to the door only to be stopped short by his fiercely biological mother. "Forgetting something?" She said, and with excellent aim she shot a loaded index finger in the direction of his plate. There sitting mockingly on the Mega Man's plate was the wurst! "Oh no, how could I forget, THE WURST!" Internally screamed the Mega Man. He returned to his plate reluctantly prepared to finish the job. And like that, it was gone. He ate the sinister meal in its entirety, liver and wurst. While steering his teeth recklessly through the spongey debris that was the wurst, a thought occurred to the Mega Man. "There are far worse things I could be eating other than liverwurst." "Such as cauliflower, anchovies, eggplant, or even seepage." THEN HIS HEAD WAS ON FIRE. He realized that having been through the harrowing experience of eating liverwurst, he now knew an additional four edible items that his special treat was superior to. "YES! Cauliflower, anchovies, eggplant, and seepage!" The Mega Man had gone has entire life without quantifying just how delicious steak was. The Mega Man suddenly attained the world-weariness he craved to truly appreciate the things he loved. "Tis death in life and tis love in death. For it is one's mortality that lends the clairvoyance needed to bask in the bounty of life. Does the flesh not learn from the fires of agony? It is these fires that act as the pedagogue giving instruction to the senses in which we are betrothed to." The Mega Man said, staring god straight in the face. Tired from his soliloquizing, the Mega Man hurried off to bed. He slept soundly, his passion for steak burning with the intensity of a thousand oriental grills. The Mega Man was in a pleasant trance, blissfully unaware of the breeding machine stirring thousands of miles under the Earth waiting for its time to strike.