A Rock, Me, and a Hard Place
Summary: Post-Alex Charms a Boy. Oh, Alex remembered what Future Harper said about Mason, alright. And she's bracing herself.
Did Mason break up with you already?
Future Harper's words have been stuck in my head since that first day Mason introduced himself. Well, literally, since the first moment. He'd introduced himself as Mason Greyback, and I...froze. Sure, I barely recovered with that lame game show host joke, but it still threw me. It had to be him. After all, how many guys who hit on me would have the name Mason?
But here I am a few weeks later, the cliched school girl lying on her bed, writing her crush's name in her journal. I'm even on my stomach with my legs crossed in the air.
If I saw myself at that moment, I would probably make myself sick. And then I'd yell at myself, close the journal and tell myself to do something else. And then I'd probably itch that spot on my back I haven't been able to reach for the past few days...
Okay, getting distracted here. Supposed to be hating my huge, massive crush on Mason.
To feel a little better, I ditch the corny position and sit back on my pillow, my journal on my crossed legs. Normally I'd talk to Harper about this, but...well, she still didn't know that H. J. Darling had been her future self. That, and she was in her room doing homework. after she'd specifically told me that she wanted quiet while she worked, and that I should start my homework too.
Please. As my best friend, you'd think she'd know how useless that advice was.
Instead, I'd dug out my journal. It was really the first time a while that I had reason to draw in it...not since I'd had someone to draw myself with. After Dean and I broke up, I'll admit, it hurt, so much that I wanted to go psycho and rip out every page that featured him. But after I'd looked it over, I realized that he was still a part of my past, and I couldn't erase him. Well, the Dean in my journal was drawn with pencil, so technically I could but...oh, you get the idea. Plus, even then I was a pretty talented drawer, and didn't want to throw out most of my early artwork.
Anyway, Dean, I purposely didn't go after any more guys. I'm not like those fake Disney girl characters who can date a new guy every week - though it may be surprising, I like developing relationships with the guys I go out with. That's because, honestly, there aren't many left who will. Sure, practically every guy in school thinks I'm hot and wants to make out with me. But while Harper was quick to paint Dean as the bad boy of the school, she doesn't realize that I'm the bad girl. People are afraid of me, and I like it that way.
So when guys brave the rumors and ask me out, I fall for them. It means they're willing to accept that I'm not like the dozens of sweet, dependent, ego-flattering girls they've dated before. Dean was one of those guys, and so I fell hard for him. He was almost the boy version of me - a rebel and a good flirt. Maybe in the end, that was why we didn't last, we were too much alike.
Even though we agreed we couldn't be together, he was my first love, and it took me a long time to stop missing him. I was perfectly fine with being single. Between the zombie prom, getting a little more serious about my magic studies, and Justin's drama with Juliet, it wasn't hard to keep myself busy.
When Mason hit on me in art class, I wasn't surprised at how surprised I was, if that makes any sense. Even though I instantly recognized him as the Mason, I was so startled...and mesmerized by his accent...that I reacted on instinct. I flirted back, and he asked me out. Then I just figured, oh, he was a transfer student, after the first date he'd understand why I was single and "dump" me. No harm, no foul.
But it didn't happen that way. Even though he's a complete gentleman, he has this rebellious, snarky side too. Excuse the cliche, but he is everything I ever wanted in a guy. Sure, he's a little awkward, and there's that whole freaky dog thing. For the most part, though, he's perfect, and I feel a rush of emotion every time we came in contact. I couldn't stop myself from falling for him.
Oh, gosh, I sound like a corny love song. Somebody stop me.
Anyway, now that we'd finally kissed, I know I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either break up with Mason now, or face a broken heart later. And while I'm aware it would be better to break up now rather than fall completely in love, I...I just can't do it. He's too amazing to let go of just because Future Harper said he's going to break up with me.
And I'm not going to try and figure out why he's going to break up with me either. It could happen months from now - how would I know what to fix? Besides, chances are, I'd mess things up so much in the process of trying to change our relationship, he'd break up with me anyway.
So...what I've got to do is brace myself. Sure, I'm going to enjoy this relationship, and ride it out until the end. But I will not, I repeat, will not fall in love with Mason. I will get close to him, and we will date for a while.
But I will not fall in love with him.
I won't get used to having him in my life.
I won't depend on him.
I won't take him for granted.
I won't believe that we'll be together forever.
I just won't, no matter where our relationship goes. And that's it. Some people might say I'm only fooling myself. But I'm Alex Russo. Unlike other teenage girls, I am in control of my emotions.
Satisfied, I snap my journal shut and stuff it into my hiding place. No more daydreaming about Mason for me. I'm going to go bug Harper until she agrees to drop water balloons with me off the side of the terrace. She can do her homework later.