Summary: It hurt when he held it now.
The first time he had laughed as he lifted the Shield up, and then he had yelled at Steve for over an hour while the others laughed because it was a freaking prop and what had Steve been thinking when he had ran off with it into enemy territory.
The last time he was whole and held it he'd been thrown from a speeding train and his last thought was how horrified Steve looked as he fell.
Steve's face haunted him through the years of torture at Hydra's hands and eventually he let them numb the pain he felt, let Bucky fade away into a ghost.
The next time he held the Shield, it was in his metal arm and Steve was fighting against him and he recognized him distantly and it was a lost little voice remnicent of the old Bucky that whispered, "But, I knew him."
So much had happened after that, so quickly that he could hardly keep up and he was put back into cryosleep even though he knew it made Steve sad.
Now, he held the Shield that Steve had dropped and left behind for him and Steve... Steve was gone, some time while he had been sleeping the end of Steve's line had come and he was left alone.
Sam had tried to pick up the burden of Captain America but ultimatly he had stepped down, more than willing to fade into the background while Bucky picked up the Shield. He couldn't bring himself to put it down now that it was in his hands, it was one of the last things that he had of Steve and he couldn't let it go.
They had tried to keep the details of Steve's death from him at first but Natasha had realized that he would find out eventually and had told him privately.
At first he had wanted to deny it, Steve had survived seventy years on ice, he couldn't be dead, couldn't be gone. Then reality had hit and he had asked Natalia to leave and he had stared at the Shield that sat proped against the dresser for a minute before he began to sob as it finally hit him that Steve would never hold that Shield again.
Fists pressed tight against his closed eyes Bucky saw Steve dropping the Shield for him not once but twice, saw Stave marching with him and the Comandoes in Europe. Saw the man reach for him desprately as he clung to the train rail. Saw the man decide to march on a suicide mission in order to save him from Zola. Bucky saw Steve ginning at him as he led him out of the building he'd been held in.
He saw the boy he'd left behind when he shipped out, saw the boy who'd been grieving his mother. Saw the boy who'd dragged him into countless fights both before, during and after the war.
He saw a little grinning kid with a swollen cheek and gasping breaths syaing he'd had that bully on the ropes.
Bucky, with his eyes clenched tightly closed saw a thousand memories of the man he'd never see again nad never said goodbye to. Not that he ever would if he'd had the chance Steve was too much a part of him to ever say farewell to.