I do not own Instant Star.
I'm lost without him.
For so long I depended on Jamie to tell me what he thought about my songs. It had always been Me and Jamie. Jamie and I. We were like two peas in a pod! Inseparable.
Then I won Instant Star.
I began to rely on him to tell me what he thought of my songs. He helped me. He was my inspiration. Even when we were mad at each other and weren't talking, we still created beautiful music.
Our passion is what kept us going. Our passion for our work… our music… and of course each other. We needed each other.
Maybe it was good that he was gone. What would have happened if the flame that seemed to light between one day would extinguish? I couldn't handle that thought.
Maybe it was better this way.
All I know is that I'm not the same. My music isn't as good as it is when I'm with him. I miss him so much that some days it hurts to wake up. Those are the days I know are going to be harder then most.
We talk sometimes. Late at night. I'll lie on my bed and just listen to his voice, knowing that I can't see him. That tomorrow he won't be on the other side of the glass. Giving me that encouraging smile that gets me to do anything. And I mean anything.
They've just given me the knock. I have a few minutes before I have to go onstage and fake a smile. Pretend to be happy Jude whose heart hasn't been broken.
Pretty soon, after faking it for so long, maybe I won't have to force a smile.
That'll be sad, because then I'll know that my heart is healing and I'm moving on and I don't want to.
I'm lost without him.
But all the same, I miss him.