"Who Wants To Be a Griffin-air?"
- A Family Guy Script -
Created by: Stephen.
- Opening Scene -
We see the exterior of the Griffin's house. Cut to the interior of the Griffin's house. We see Peter at the TV in the living room. We see the TV.
Announcer: We now return to when Rhino's Turn Bad. Starring Jim Carry as: The Rhino!
We see Peter.
Peter: Lois, come on! Hurry!
We see the TV again.
Cop: Come on Rhino, come get me!
Rihno: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
The Rhino starts chasing the cop.
Cop: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Peter: (Laughs).
Peter looks over his shoulder.
Peter: Lois come on, you're missing the best part!
Lois: I'm coming Peter! Hold on!
Peter looks over at the TV again.
Peter: (Moans)
We see the TV. We see that the rhino is dead. And that he has a harpoon in him.
Peter: Aw man! They killed him! And I didn't even get to see it!
Lois comes running down the stairs.
Lois: So, what did I miss?
Peter: Everything! (Farts) But you didn't miss that!
- Opening theme -
- Scene 1 -
We see the exterior of the Griffin's house. Cut to the interior of the Griffin's kitchen, Lois is there. Stewie comes running into the room.
Stewie: Lois, am I to run around the house in my own filth? Clean me woman!
Lois: Not now honey, mommy's got a headache!
Stewie: No you don't! I know what a headache feels like!
/We see Stewie drinking a slushie. He starts slurping really fast.
Stewie: AUUUGGGH! Brain Freeze! Da you brain! AAAAAUUUUUUGGGH!
Stewie falls to the floor and starts running around in circles./
Stewie: Now clean me or you can burn in he!
Stewie runs away.
Lois: (Sighs).
Lois pulls out an icepack and sits at the kitchen table. The phone starts to ring. Lois sighs and goes to the phone.
Lois: Hello? (Smiles) OH MY GOD!
Stewie comes bursting into the room.
Stewie: What happened? Did the old man or the dog die? I know just how the funural is going to turn out!
/We see everyone mourning over Peter and Brian's death. Lois goes up to the stand to say a few words.
Lois: I just can't believe that Peter and Brian are dead...I mean I loved them alot and-
We see Stewie holding a remote control.
Stewie: Show time!
Stewie presses a button on the remote control and the coffon blows up making everyone die with it.
Stewie: A-HA, VICTORY IS MINE!
A head comes flying at Stewie and knocks him into a lake./
Stewie: Or uh, something like that!
Lois: No sweetie, your daddy just got chosen to be put on the cool show, "Who wants to be a millionaire?"!
Stewie: Dam- wait a minute, if the fat man wins, I can steal the money and use it to buy a machine that would make me the ultimate ruler!
Lois: Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say!
Stewie: Your not supposed to hear me Lois!
We see the interior of the living room and the front door opens.
Peter: I'm home! And I'm starving!
Lois comes running to Peter.
Lois: Peter, the most amazing thing just happened.
Peter: Is it the same as last time?
/We see Peter is digging a hole on the beach and then he hits something. He bends down and picks it up.
Peter: What the he?
We see that he's holding a silver Holy Grail. He brushes off some sand and a wizard appears out of it.
Wizard: Thank you, that is mine!
Peter: What the he are you talking about? I found it first! It's mine!
The wizard and Peter have a tug-o-war fight. The wizard gets tired and Peter is about to use that as an advantage.
Wizard: Hey, isn't that Ricky Martin over there?
Peter: (Turns around) Where?
All of a sudden the Wizard takes the Holy Grail and runs away.
Peter: What the he? Get back here you magic BAST/
Lois: No Peter, you got chosen to be in the cool show, "Who wants to be a millionaire?"!
Peter: Wow, I'm going to be on TV! This is the best day of my LIFE!
Meg comes running down the stairs.
Meg: Dad's going to be on TV?
Lois: That's right honey your fat-
Meg: (Starts crying) Why are you torchoring me?
Meg runs up the stairs crying. We see that Chris was with Peter and he comes running into the room.
Chris: That's cool dad! Can I come with you? It'd get me away from the evil monkey that lives in my closet!
Lois and Peter: (Laughs) Evil monkey...
Chris looks at the stairway and sees the evil monkey, the evil monkey points at him.
Chris: (Crys) Leave me alone you dumb monkey!
- Commercial Break -
- Scene 2 -
We see the exterior of a stadium. Cut to the interior of the stadium. We see Regis and Peter sitting on the seats across from each other.
Regis: Now Peter, do you know how to play this game?
Peter: Umm, yes?
Regis: Okay, the rules of the game are simple, first I'll ask you a question and then I'll give you four choices, if you get the answer correct then you can go onto the next question. There is a total of 15 questions, if you answer the 15th question correctly then you win 1 000 000 dollars!
Peter: (Snores)
Regis: Peter, please pay attention!
Peter: (Wakes up) Huh, what-who!
Regis: Now then, as for life-lines, there are 3. 1 of them is 50/50, it'll take away 2 of the wrong answers. That means that there'll be one wrong answer and the correct answer. Another of the life-lines is Ask the Audience. When you use this life-line, certain members of the audience will tell you what they think the answer is. When you see the results I suggest you use the one most of the members think it is. The final life-line is Call a friend, here you get to chose who you want to call to help you answer the question, so you better chose wisely.
Peter: You talk way to much!
Regis: So, are you ready to get started?
Peter: Uh-huh...
Regis: Okay, just one more thing, the questions will get harder as they go along!
Peter: Ture..no wait! FALSE!
Regis: That wasn't a question and if it was then the correct answer is true. Now then, question number one, which person is NOT in your family? A. Lois B. Peter C. Meg or D. Billy
Peter: Aw man, ugh, I know this one...uh, I don't remember a Lois...but there might be one. Uhhh, I'm not so sure about a Meg, but I don't think there's a Billy either, unless the wife is hiding something from me...uhh. Can I uh, call a friend.
Regis: Yeah sure why not, knock yourself out!
We hear Lois's cell phone ring in the audience.
Lois: Hello?
Peter: Yeah, hi the wife, what's the answer to this question?
Lois: IT'S BILLY!
Peter: Is it Billy?
Regis: And Billy is correct...(We hear a buzzing noise) And that's all the time we have today, join us next we-
Cam. Man #84: Actually Regis, it's just my cookies! They're done.
Regis: Right...anywho, next question. What show is Stewie looking for when he and Brian go to London?
Peter: Stewie went to London?
We see the interior of the Griffin's living room, Brian and Stewie are sitting on the couch watching the TV.
Stewie: Yes, that was a fun ride to London wasn't it.
Brian: Yes, it was for all of us!
We see the interior of the stadium, again.
Regis: Is it A. Jolly Farm Revue. B. Jacky Fan Review. C. The Show We Love to Hate. Or D. Teletubbies.
Peter: What kind of name is Stewie?
Interior of the living room.
Stewie: What the he, doesn't he know his own son? At this rate the fat man won't make any money. That fat as bast!
Interior of the stadium.
Regis: You can answer at any time Peter. Just don't use up all your life-lines right away!
Peter: Umm, well I know Stewie loved that Farm, but uhh, I don't know wether it's Jackie Fan Review or Jolly Farm Revue. Uhh.
Interior of the living room.
Stewie: It's Jolly Farm Revue! YOU IMBICILE! Or crap, there now are you happy?
Brian: Aww, did the poor infant soil himself?
Stewie: SHUT UP!
Interior of the stadium.
Peter: I'm going to take a wild guess and say Jolly Farm Revue!
Regis: That is correct!
Peter: OH MY GOD!
Regis: We'll be right back after these commercials.
- Commercial Break -
- Scene 3 -
Regis: We're now back with Mr. Peter Griffin. During the commercial break he's answered 12 of the answers correctly...
Interior of the Griffin's living room. We see Stewie and Brian drinking Juice and a bottle of wine. They spit out what they were drinking.
Brian: Oh my god, I didn't think Peter was so good.
Stewie: The fatty might win after all!
Interior of the stadium.
Regis: Peter, if you answer these last three questions correctly, you'll win 1 000 000 dollars! And plus a new bonus was added in the game...if you answer all the questions correctly and you haven't used up all your life-lines you'll win an extra 500 000 dollars!
Peter: Lay it on me, Regie!
Regis: it's Regis...
Peter: I'm sure it is Arnold!
Regis: Right...so anyways, these last three questions will not be about you and your family.
Peter: Aw crap!
Regis: Ok, question 13, In Futurama what is Fry's full name... Is A. Mississippi R. Fry B. Phillip B. Fry C. Phillip J. Fry or is it D. Joel L. Foodlewort.
Peter: Aw crap..I've seen that show, umm...oooooh, it's either B or C...let me remember.
/We see Peter watching Futurama. The Futurama theme is playing. We see the little joke at the bottom. It says, "Filmed in front of a live studio Aud- who are we kidding? It's just Phillip J. Fry" the theme finishes, we see Peter again.
Prof: Good news Phillip J. Fry.
Fry: What's the good news/
Peter: Is it...C?
Regis: Aww, I'm sorry...
Peter: (Crys)
Regis: That is correct!
Peter: (Stops crying) What?
Regis: Question 14...
10 minutes later
Regis: Congratoulations Peter, you're a 1 1/2 million air!
Peter: Yes!
Later...
We see the interior of the Griffin's house, we see Chris, Meg, Stewie, Brian and Lois. Peter comes bursting into the house.
Lois: So, where's the 1 1/2 million dollars?
Peter: Oh, yeah, about that... I uh, kind of spent it on uh, a new car and beer!
Lois: You what?
Peter: (Laughs) You should've seen how drunk I was! It was hilarious.
Lois: Peter! How could you have done that?
Stewie: I was supposed to be the ultimate ruler! (Crys)
Brian: (Rubs Stewie's head) There, there, there'll be other chances for you to be the ultimate ruler. I mean, you pretty much already are.
Stewie: What do you mean?
Brian: I mean Rupert takes orders from you.
Stewie kicks Brian in the croch and runs away.
Lois: We were supposed to use the money for good!
Peter: Well Lois, I believe you should have told me that before I used up all the money.
Lois: I DID!
The Griffin's argue, while the camera goes from the interior of the Griffin's house to the exterior of the Griffin's house..then the camera fades to black.
THE END!
Made-up by: Stephen.
Cast:
Seth McFarlane as: Peter, Stewie, Brian, Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Cop
Alex Borstein as: Lois, Tricia Takanawa
Seth Green as: Chris, Wizard
Mila Kunis as: Meg
Mike Henry as: Cleveland, Cam. Man #84
Patrick Warburton as: Joe
Guest Stars:
Regis Philbin as: Himself
Jim Carry as: The Rhino
Billy West as: Phillip J. Fry, Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Announcer