I own none of the brilliant characters in this story, except Basil. The rest belong to J.K Rowling.
The Daily Prophet
By Basil Wheelit
London- A shocking statement released today by Thomas Riddle, better known as The Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort, or He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, has turned the magical world upside down.
As many of you know, HWSNBN was finally cornered and captured by thirty-three Aurors, and sixteen Ministry-of-Magic-employed house elves three days ago while he was in the restroom of a McDonalds ( a muggle resturant chain.)
Today he delievered his last horrifying statement to the public before he is to face his certain fate of the Dementors Kiss.
" I...am Harry Potter's real father."
He added simply, "I never wanted him to find out this way." Then later this afternoon, in a private interview with him, (with 2 house-elves on hand of course, what do you think I'm mad?!) HWSNBN told me this story:
"Lily and I had been sneaking around for years. We met at a mutual friends party, we had a little too much to drink and ...you know...things happen." The Evil Lord of Darkness shrugged."We continued to see each other on and off secretly through the years. When Harry was born, I was relieved that James and I looked so much alike- noone would ever have to know."
The house elves began slapping each other every few minutes, while still trying to listen to the story. HWSNBN drew in a quivering breath and gathered himself before beginning again.
"And then, one day, that horrible day. I went to go see Lily. In disguise of course- I used the Polyjuice Potion and became their friend Peter Pettigrew. That day I was pretending to take Lily to an antique lantern auction. James was never home anyway, but I liked to err on the side caution. I knocked on the Potter's door three-and-a-half times- our secret knock!", he squeaked out before grabbing a tissue and blowing into it with the force of an elephant trumpeting.
"I knocked and went in, and she was feeding little Harry strained pears. He wildly flung his arms in front of him struggling to get away. 'Uncle Pe-er!' he yelled! He was so boisterous! I always greeted him with with a pat on his head and a chocolate frog whenever I visited, which was usually about twice a month." His faced changed from fatherly pride to eyes misty with remembrance.
Then, eyes narrowing he continued.
"But James was there THAT time. He came to greet me but I could sense his wariness as we shook hands. He was a smart man, but so naive," The dark, evil man said said bitterly.
"Harry began shrieking and jumping around the coffee table in the next room. On it was a green, electric lantern that Lily and I had picked out once when we actually HAD gone to a lantern auction.
"James and I stared each other down, unblinking, not releasing our hands from the sqeezing handshake. Lily....was....standing at the door...waiting with her coat..." HWSNBN murmered slowly, as though trying to remember everything.
I waited patiently and glanced at the clock on the wall and then house elves who had stopped paying attention and were making faces at each other and pulling the other's ears. I thought about telling them to bugger off, when the former dark wizard began to speak again.
"Harry was flopping around the next room, Lily was giving me meaningful, lets-get-out-of-here glances, and James wouldn't let go of my hand. Instead, he suddenly jumped on me and began boxing my face, hollering at me to keep my grabby hands off his wife. Lily couldn't pull us apart, we were so viciously tearing at each other. So she ran to the kitchen, grabbed a cauldron of cold water and dumped it on us."
"Harry was so startled by our scene in the front foyer, he wasn't watching where he was galloping and ran right in to the corner of the wall and toppled over backwards- THAT'S how he got the scar on his forehead." The evil wizard explained.
He shook his head in innocence and I nodded sympathetically, glancing nervously at the door. The house elves were now biting each others legs with their sharp teeth and slapping at each other's arms.
HWSNBN sighed and started again.
"Harry was bleeding all over the place..the water...gushed all over the floor into the next room. It caused James to slip on the wet wood floor. He fell... and broke 'is bloody neck!" He smiled triupmhantly. I heard him mutter something that sounded like very much like "wanker", before his face fell suddenly dark. "But then Lily...screamed at me, and grabbed the green lantern from the table and flung it me, but I dodged it. Unfortunately the lantern ....was still plugged....IN!" The Dark Lord began to howl at the top of his lungs in anguish.
I was so startled I let out an unprofessional "AH!", and the house elves stopped, wide-eyed and mid-bite to stare at the emotional wreck sitting across from me.
"The lamp fell with a flash to the wet floor, and ELECTROCUTED her! I...I didnt know what to do! So I ran. And I just wanted to tell Harry", He sniveled. "That, I'm s-s-o-o-rr-y, and, I never wanted, to hurt...y-you."
HWSNBN openly bawled, trying to speak through his sobs. I felt my own eyes begin to tear, and wiped at them quickly, trying to regain composure. Glancing over, I saw the house elves dabbing their eyes on their shirts and whimpering, sounding like they'd just inhaled helium.
They were still sputtering when they led him out of the room a few moments later, blowing their noses every few feet, and hicupping.
Perhaps the saddest part of this story, is that Harry Potter himself, was unavailable for comment. His wife Parvati Potter was on hand, saying he'd locked himself in the attic after he'd learned who his true father was, and wouldn't come out, "Not even for tea!", she said sounding throughly harrassed.
*Author's note- Now we understand why Harry need glasses- without them he runs into walls
The Daily Prophet
By Basil Wheelit
London- A shocking statement released today by Thomas Riddle, better known as The Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort, or He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, has turned the magical world upside down.
As many of you know, HWSNBN was finally cornered and captured by thirty-three Aurors, and sixteen Ministry-of-Magic-employed house elves three days ago while he was in the restroom of a McDonalds ( a muggle resturant chain.)
Today he delievered his last horrifying statement to the public before he is to face his certain fate of the Dementors Kiss.
" I...am Harry Potter's real father."
He added simply, "I never wanted him to find out this way." Then later this afternoon, in a private interview with him, (with 2 house-elves on hand of course, what do you think I'm mad?!) HWSNBN told me this story:
"Lily and I had been sneaking around for years. We met at a mutual friends party, we had a little too much to drink and ...you know...things happen." The Evil Lord of Darkness shrugged."We continued to see each other on and off secretly through the years. When Harry was born, I was relieved that James and I looked so much alike- noone would ever have to know."
The house elves began slapping each other every few minutes, while still trying to listen to the story. HWSNBN drew in a quivering breath and gathered himself before beginning again.
"And then, one day, that horrible day. I went to go see Lily. In disguise of course- I used the Polyjuice Potion and became their friend Peter Pettigrew. That day I was pretending to take Lily to an antique lantern auction. James was never home anyway, but I liked to err on the side caution. I knocked on the Potter's door three-and-a-half times- our secret knock!", he squeaked out before grabbing a tissue and blowing into it with the force of an elephant trumpeting.
"I knocked and went in, and she was feeding little Harry strained pears. He wildly flung his arms in front of him struggling to get away. 'Uncle Pe-er!' he yelled! He was so boisterous! I always greeted him with with a pat on his head and a chocolate frog whenever I visited, which was usually about twice a month." His faced changed from fatherly pride to eyes misty with remembrance.
Then, eyes narrowing he continued.
"But James was there THAT time. He came to greet me but I could sense his wariness as we shook hands. He was a smart man, but so naive," The dark, evil man said said bitterly.
"Harry began shrieking and jumping around the coffee table in the next room. On it was a green, electric lantern that Lily and I had picked out once when we actually HAD gone to a lantern auction.
"James and I stared each other down, unblinking, not releasing our hands from the sqeezing handshake. Lily....was....standing at the door...waiting with her coat..." HWSNBN murmered slowly, as though trying to remember everything.
I waited patiently and glanced at the clock on the wall and then house elves who had stopped paying attention and were making faces at each other and pulling the other's ears. I thought about telling them to bugger off, when the former dark wizard began to speak again.
"Harry was flopping around the next room, Lily was giving me meaningful, lets-get-out-of-here glances, and James wouldn't let go of my hand. Instead, he suddenly jumped on me and began boxing my face, hollering at me to keep my grabby hands off his wife. Lily couldn't pull us apart, we were so viciously tearing at each other. So she ran to the kitchen, grabbed a cauldron of cold water and dumped it on us."
"Harry was so startled by our scene in the front foyer, he wasn't watching where he was galloping and ran right in to the corner of the wall and toppled over backwards- THAT'S how he got the scar on his forehead." The evil wizard explained.
He shook his head in innocence and I nodded sympathetically, glancing nervously at the door. The house elves were now biting each others legs with their sharp teeth and slapping at each other's arms.
HWSNBN sighed and started again.
"Harry was bleeding all over the place..the water...gushed all over the floor into the next room. It caused James to slip on the wet wood floor. He fell... and broke 'is bloody neck!" He smiled triupmhantly. I heard him mutter something that sounded like very much like "wanker", before his face fell suddenly dark. "But then Lily...screamed at me, and grabbed the green lantern from the table and flung it me, but I dodged it. Unfortunately the lantern ....was still plugged....IN!" The Dark Lord began to howl at the top of his lungs in anguish.
I was so startled I let out an unprofessional "AH!", and the house elves stopped, wide-eyed and mid-bite to stare at the emotional wreck sitting across from me.
"The lamp fell with a flash to the wet floor, and ELECTROCUTED her! I...I didnt know what to do! So I ran. And I just wanted to tell Harry", He sniveled. "That, I'm s-s-o-o-rr-y, and, I never wanted, to hurt...y-you."
HWSNBN openly bawled, trying to speak through his sobs. I felt my own eyes begin to tear, and wiped at them quickly, trying to regain composure. Glancing over, I saw the house elves dabbing their eyes on their shirts and whimpering, sounding like they'd just inhaled helium.
They were still sputtering when they led him out of the room a few moments later, blowing their noses every few feet, and hicupping.
Perhaps the saddest part of this story, is that Harry Potter himself, was unavailable for comment. His wife Parvati Potter was on hand, saying he'd locked himself in the attic after he'd learned who his true father was, and wouldn't come out, "Not even for tea!", she said sounding throughly harrassed.
*Author's note- Now we understand why Harry need glasses- without them he runs into walls