"It's the Totally Tidy Show with Mr. Drippy! With special guests Swaine, Solid Snake, and Mario. And now...HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEE'SSSSSS DRIPPY!" Announced the narrator as Mr. Drippy bounced up to his desk.
The band played Mr. Drippy's theme song as he shook hands with several members of the audience before sitting down in his seat.
"Give it up for Jazzy and the fabulous fairy four! Aren't they a bloomin' spazzy band?"
The lead singer, Jazzy the fairy, took a bow and said "Cheers, Drippy. I try!"
"Hello, mun! Hello! This is gonna be a tidy show! A REAL tidy show! We got a flippin' special interview tonite! The famous plumber himself Mario is gonna be here, ent it!" The audience cheered and clapped wildly at the news. "And Solid Snake is here too. But first, we're puttin' on a little talent pageant, ent it? We even 'ave a celebrity judge with us! Get your knickers ready for..." Jazzy and the Fabulous Fairy Four played a little jingle as an LED-Light sign spelling out "Does this impress Swaine" lit up. Then the audience shouted in unison "DOES THIS IMPRESS SWAAAAIIIINNNNEEE!?"
Curtains rolled up revealing a large stage, a podium with a green button and a red button on each side, a seat, and sitting in the seat was Swaine who had an 'I-am-NOT-amused...' look on his face. "The rules are flippin' simple, mun! Contestants will show off their talents, and Swaine has to press one of these two buttons at the end. If he's impressed, Swaine has to press the green switch, if he flippin' hates it, then he presses the red switch! Any questions?"
"When am I being paid for this again?" Swaine asked.
"Sorry, can't hear ye. Now let the contest BEGIN!" Drippy declared.
A Fairy timidly walked on stage.
"Hey there, mun! Tell us about yerself, ent it?" Drippy greeted.
"H-hi. My name is Flakey, and I'm gonna juggle Mohawks..."
"Oh, Juggling Mohawks, never heard of that before. Show us how it's done!" Drippy replied.
"Oh, boy..." Swaine mumbled.
The moment Flakey pryed open his wooden crate, the four Mohawks inside pecked and clawed at Flakey, cawwing indignantly.
"AAAAAaaaaaahhhhh! Get 'em off, get 'em off, get 'em off, get 'em ooooooooooffffffffff!" Flakey ran off the stage, the Mohawks chased after him, landing in a few extra pecks while they were at it.
"Ooooookaaaaayyy, that was a flippin' disaster...What does Swaine think?" Drippy asked.
Without a word, Swaine shook his head and slapped his hand down on the red button.
"That's cold...Okay, let's welcome our next contestants!"
Then a trio of women from Castaway cove walked on stage carrying two unlit torches apiece.
"And just who are you lovely ladies?" Drippy asked.
"We're the Poy sisters, and we're going to flip Swaine's world upside down with our Fire Dance!"
The audience cheered for the Poy sisters. The lead girl's familiar, a Ruffian, jumped out of her chest, then ignited all the dancer's torches with Fireballs.
"Oooh, a Fire Dance, sounds like some HOT stuff!" The band and several audience members forced a chuckle.
"Chuggaaconroy, eat yer heart out!" Jazzy joked.
"But first we'll need some music..." The leader of the trio gestured towards Jazzy. "Maestro, if you please..."
Jazzy and the Fabulous Fairy four played some adrenaline inducing music as the women spread out their arms side to side, and twirled their fiery torches, then they lifted their arms upwards and twisted their torches sideways while swinging their hips left to right in unison, and to top it all off the two younger sisters threw their flaming torches to the elder, who then juggled all six for about 2 minutes, then she allowed them all to fall, and blew out the flames with her sash.
The audience clapped and cheered as the Poy Sisters bowed simultaneously.
"Blimey! If that's not the best dance routine I ever saw I dunno what is! Swaine?" Drippy praised.
Swaine smirked and threw the green switch.
"Congratulations, ladies! Your prize for impressing Swaine is a one-year supply of Tikka Masala free of charge! Thank you for playing along, lovelies! Our next contestant fancies himself a real trickster, please welcome, Chris P. Bacon!"
A Hamelin man walked on stage wheeling a tarp covered cage.
"So, Chris, whatcha got planned with that cage, ent it?" Drippy asked.
"I could tell you, but it would be more fun to show you!" Chris said.
Chris entered the cage without removing the tarp, and signaled for a stage hand to lock the cage door. Then he yelled out "LIFT THE CAGE!"
Several stage-hands fastened the cage with rope, then lifted it up to the cieling. The cage stayed suspended for several minutes. Everybody's undivided attention was focused on the cage. Then Chris P. Bacon walked up to the rope, declared "And now I will lower the cage!", then undid the knot.
"Waaaiiitt if you're there, then who's in the cage!?" Drippy asked.
"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Swaine yelled from above.
Suddenly the cage plummeted to the floor below, the tarp and door flew open and Swaine tumbled out with an "OOMPHH...urrgghh".
"TA-DAH!" Chris declared proudly.
The audience clapped and cheered.
"Flippin' AMAZING, mun! That was astounding! Incredible even! Now let's hear Swaine's verdict, ent it!"
Swaine stumbled back to his seat and said "You know Chris, that was a rough ride, I could have been hurt, but since that was freaking epic, and since we have the same hometown, I must say I'm impressed!" and then he pressed the green button.
"Congrats, Mr. Bacon! You just earned yourself a Playtendo 4! Bask in it, you earned it!"
"YES!" Chris yelled out.
A stage hand walked on stage to hand Chris P. Bacon a Playtendo 4 package, who graciously accepted it and walked off stage.
"Our final contestant hails all the way from Ding Dong Dell...Give a proper tidy welcome to Catalina!"
A Grimalkin woman walked on stage carrying three bouncy balls walked on stage and said "Hello, Drippy. My name is Catalina and I'm going to balance these three balls on my nose for 30 seconds."
"Tidy! Give it a go, kitty!"
Catalina balanced the three balls on her nose starting with the smallest than the biggest. Then second after second went by until she successfully balanced them all on her nose for 30 seconds.
"Swaine, how did you like that?" Drippy asked.
Swaine pressed the green button.
"Congratulations, kitty! You just won a year's supply of Sea Salt Ice Cream!" Mr. Drippy said, handing Catalina a certificate.
"Thank you Drippy. And thank YOU Swaine!" Catalina said.
Mr. Drippy smiled as Catalina walked off stage.
"Now then, let's welcome ouer final contestant, Tacky!" Drippy said.
The audience clapped as a fairy walked on screen. Drippy then walked up to the Fairy.
"Hello, Tacky. What is it youer going to do?" Drippy said.
Tacky the fairy let out a super long, ridiculously loud belch. The belch lasted a whopping 40 seconds. When it was finally over, Drippy uncovered his ears.
"Disgusting? Yes. Impressive? Not by a long shot!" Swaine grunted. With that, Swaine flipped the red switch.
Tacky ran off the stage crying his eyes out.
There was an awkward silence, Drippy broke the awkward silence saying "Well, ye can't win 'em all!"
"We'll be right back, everybody! After the break I'll be talking to Mario himself! Stay flippin' tuned!" Mr. Drippy declared.
This Episode of the Totally Tidy Show with Mr. Drippy brought to you by the Cat's Cradle Inn. Cat's Cradle; It's the Cat's Meow!
"Welcome back, everybody! My guest tonite is one of the longest-running, most famous video game heroes of all time...Please help me welcome the living legend, MARIO!"
Jazzy and the Fabulous Fairy Four played Mario's theme song as Mario walked up to the desk and shook hands with Mr. Drippy before sitting down to talk.
"Ta, Mario!" Drippy greeted.
"Hello, Mister-a Drippy!" Mario greeted in return.
"So, what have ye been up too lately?" Drippy asked.
"Well, just-a recently I've-a starred in-a New Super Mario Brothers-a U and-a New Super Mario Brothers 3D, I've been in-a Super Mario 3D Land, I zoomed around in-a Mario-Kart-a 3D, and I'm-a busy preparing-a for Super Smash Brothers 4!" Mario answered.
The audience clapped excitedly for Super Smash Bros. 4.
"Whoah, Mario, you're a busy man, ent it?" Drippy said.
"Well, yes. I do-a have a heavy work-a schedule, I'm-a busy every day, but I wouldn't trade it for-a ninety-nine lives! I love-a what I do!" Mario answered proudly.
"So, Mario, you've starred in countless video games during your 28 year career...What was your personal crownin' moment?" Drippy asked thoughtfully.
"Oh my...I think my personal-a highlight-a was the first Super-a Mario Brothers-a for the original-a Nintendo, that's where it all-a began for me..." Mario said thoughtfully.
"Okay. So how's your brother comin'-along?" Drippy asked.
"Well, he's-a had his hands full with-a Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon, and-a Luigi and I teamed up for Mario and Luigi: Dream Team, and I'm-a happy for him to-a see him have-a his chance in the spotlight, and-a he's-a joining me in the next Super Smash-a Brothers game. We may-a fight from-a time-to-time, but that's-a what-a brothers do." Mario answered.
"So, whaddaya think about this conspiracy that you'er actually a Communist?" Mr. Drippy asked.
"Oh, Please! These-a idiots are the same-a idiots-a who could-a see a Triforce and scream-a ILLUMINATIIIIIIIIIIIII! Get a life, you morons!" Mario said with a scoff.
"So then...How are things going with Princess Peach? Do you ever get tired of bailing her out of trouble?" Drippy asked.
"To be honest? Yes, and-a the only-a reason I'm-a saying this is because-a she's not-a here. But-a she's finally pulling her weight in Super Mario Brothers U." Mario mumbled.
The audience giggled and chuckled.
Mr. Drippy shook hands with Mario one last time for the night.
"Thanks fer coming, Mario, my mun!" Mr. Drippy said.
"Thank you for-a having me, Mister-a Drippy!" Mario replied.
"That's Mario, everybody! Up next is Solid Snake himself!" Drippy yelled.
This program brought to you by the Hamelin Institute of Magical Technology. Creating the next generation of Magical Scientists today.
"Welcome back, everyone. My last guest for tonight is none other than Solid Snake. Oh, Snake!" Drippy called out.
Jazzy and the Fabulous Fairy Four played an instrumental cover of "Snake Eater" as Solid Snake walked up to the guest chair with Mr. Drippy.
"How are you, Solid Snake?" Drippy asked.
"Can't complain..." Snake replied.
"What have you been up to, eh?" Drippy asked.
"I've appeared in Metal Gear Rising, and we've just finished up Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes! And I brought a clip..."
"Tidy! Show it to us already, mun!" Drippy cheered.
Snake snapped his fingers and a visual guy put up a projector screen. Then the opening sequence from 'Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes.' played on the screen. The audience members clapped and cheered when the sequence was over. Snake smiled and took a drink of water.
"Wow, mun! That was flippin' incredible!" Drippy gasped."
"I hate to toot my own horn but that was really something." Snake said.
"So how long have ye been workin' on that?" Drippy asked.
"Since late 2012. It's been a long, wild ride." Snake answered.
"Now tell me, you've been spyin' on bad guys since 1986, right?" Drippy asked.
"Yes I have. I started on the original Nintendo system, so I guess you can say I'm a grizzled veteran, both figuratively and literally." Snake said with a laugh.
"So tell us about Snake Eater 3D." Drippy said.
"Oh, man...I LOVED the original Snake Eater on the Playstation 2, that was probably the best moment of my career, and to relive it all, the pure nostalgia...I'm sorry, I'm rambling. What were you gonna say?" Snake asked.
"Thanks for the answer." Drippy said.
"You shouldn't thank me just yet, I got a present for ya!" Snake teased.
"Ye do?" Drippy asked.
Snake reached behind him and handed Drippy a cardboard box with an exclamation mark on it. The audience cheered out and clapped.
"Now you can practice being a spy like me!" Snake said.
"Blimey! There's awesome! Thanks a bloomin' ton! Solid Snake, everybody! That's it for tonight, tune in tomorrow for more fun!" Mr. Drippy declared.
Snake walked off the stage with a smirk and Drippy hid underneath his new box.