Ladies and gentlemen, one of the oldest fanfics I've written. I was a hyper dork then, so that's why I'm like, going insane in your faces. Begeth my pardon. Eth. -cough- BTW, I'm Tid. Short for This is Da. -cough again- I'm lazy.
Mmmkay! Here is the first chapter to my very first POTC fanfic…EVER! Mooha! -looks around and sees her cats staring at her as if she grew another head.- -Grins at them, flicks her hands at them, shouting "shaZAM!"- -cats run away, terrified- Anyways! I wrote this after the 5,324th time watching POTC (no lie, I really have seen it 5,324 times….) and I was writing this while listening to Evanescence…it's interesting, really. But anyways, in case you didn't know, this is a frickin PARODY! Not a drama-tick boo-frickedy-hoo cry cry type thing…it's funny. And Jack is just…swoon…whoazers…and by the way, watch my goodest grammar rule the world! Oh, and say hello to my muse, Lauderdale. She's my inner self.
Lauderdale: Yo yo!
Tid: Shut up.
On with the parody!
Chapter one: Little Miss Meanie Poo!
Young Elizabeth: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life fer me…I look like a frickin moron and I don't care...a pirate's life fer me.…
Gibbs: (grabs Elizabeth's shoulder)
Young Elizabeth: (turns around) Huh? I mean…AIIIEEEEE!
Gibbs: (rolls eyes) ye know ye shouldn't be singin' that, Miss Swann…
Young Elizabeth: (raises an eyebrow) And why NOT!
Gibbs: (silence)…Um…because yer gonna attract the rampant blue monkeys with swords growing out of their ears! And they'll ME! AIIIIEEEEE! (runs away, screaming)
Young Elizabeth: Well, that worked out nicely…
Captain Norrington: (staring at Elizabeth) You're a hot ten-year-old…I mean…you're not supposed to be singing that…pirates are a bad thing…(looks around for support)
Captain Norrington: (gets none)
Young Elizabeth: What the bloody hell is wrong with pirates, anyhow!
Captain Norrington: They kill people, and even though you're gonna fall in love with one and dump me…they're still bad…(runs away, sobbing)
Governor Swann: ANYWAYS! Yes, Elizabeth, pumpkin, pirates are bad.
Young Elizabeth: (clouts her father) Don't call me pumpkin!
Parasol: (floats around)
Captain Norrington: Hot damn! A pretty umbrella-type-thingy floating in the water! I want it!
Young Elizabeth: (disturbed) Anyways, there is a boy in the water and I hope he dies!
Captain Norrington, Governor Swann, and Gibbs: (stares at Elizabeth)
Young Elizabeth: I mean…I hope he lives…goddammit just get 'em out!
Random Sailors: (gets the boy out)
Governor Swann: Now, Little Miss Meanie Poo, go baby-sit…I mean watch over the boy...
Young Elizabeth: Damn. (goes over to the boy and he wakes up) 'Ello, Mister Boy Man Person Alien Creature Machine Thing. I'm Elizabeth Swann, but please call me Miss Swann until I get mad at you for calling me Miss Swann and scowl at you mercilessly!
Young Will: (raises eyebrow) Yeah, whatever, I'm Will Turner. (passes out)
Young Elizabeth: OOOH SHINY! (snatches medallion) My preciousssssss….
Governor Swann: What did you find out?
Young Elizabeth: Um…that I'm ten years old, Norrington thinks I'm hot, you wanted to lick the last pirate you saw….
Governor Swann: (looking frantic) I mean about the boy!
Young Elizabeth: Oh…his name is Will Turner. That's all I found out.
Captain Norrington: And you took his shiny metal thingy.
Young Elizabeth: DID NOT!
Well, that was interesting…anyway, in the next chapter or so, we meet (dun dun dun duuuuunnnn….) CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! -swoons dangerously- Anyways, Review, Review, Review! Please? With Jack on top? OH WAIT THAT'S MINE! Back off…-holds Jack protectively- Mine. Review anyways. Or else I'll sic Lauderdale on you. -throws Jack in a closet and runs in after him-
I told you I was insane.