Have you ever just liked, no loved a person but never got the chance to talk with her. I'll try not to sound vain but I think I'm good-looking, at least that's what all those crazy fan-girls think.
It's like they think I'm a movie-star or something, it just sucks as I could never have a real relationship when I have all this doubt inside my head.
Like they want me because I have good genes or do they like me for me. I just feel like a piece of meat to them.
I can see why they would like me, sort of, I try to work hard at school and I'm in decent shape because I go running and work out with my brothers Emmett and Jasper.
But you see, the thing is that I'm not an out-going guy who thinks he has the world at his feet, I feel so annoyed at the girls in my school who try so hard to come on to me or the guys that use me because I've been given this role as 'the most cool and hottest guy in school.
They don't know me. I don't like to go to parties, and usually I don't until Alice forces me to go or she will total my Volvo, nor do I kiss random girls and I don't try to be cool or anything else but myself.
I much prefer to read books, I'm sort of a romantic at heart, but I know I will never find a girl who will like me for me and not what they think I am.
On top of that I love listening to music and playing, and I've also started writing, not just stories but poems too, I don't care that what they think about it, maybe they will leave me alone when they realise I'm just not so cool.
It's frustrating, I have this problem, well not really a problem but there's this girl, Bella Swan, I just ... I just love her okay.
I'm going to go all stalker and say that I know a lot about her, not just what you would know being in a small town. I know she loves romance novels, that she must have read Wuthering Heights a hundred times has not escaped my eyes, though when it's about her nothing does.
I know she's very quiet, even around her best friends Angela and Ben, who go to our school also. I guess you can say that she is a bit shy which I find totally endearing. But most of all what I love about her is that she is always so kind and caring. I know this as I have seen her help any of the younger students and always is always one to help any of the teachers after class.
If I were to describe her I guess I would say 'gorgeous' hmm I guess that doesn't do her justice. She has wonderful long dark brown hair that looks amazing in the sun light as it has flecks of red in it when it is sunny in Forks, which alas is rarely.
She's quite petite with my 6'3 dwarfing her 5'2 and she is one of the very few girls I know that actually dresses conservatively unlike so many of the teenage girls I know and detest. They all think that they become beautiful when they plaster themselves with make-up, and think that you are beneath them when you don't look a certain way.
I have thought about leaving Forks but knew I could never do that without telling Bella how I felt about her. I couldn't take the heartbreak that would be sure to come as I have barely even talked to Bella; she would think I'm some psychopath declaring that "I love her" just out of the blue.
Not even my family know about her, but I think it would finally end question of my sexuality as I have rejected all the attention I have got from girls all these years nor have I kissed a girl which I would think shock a lot of them as the guys think of me as a "lady's man" and the girls think "I'm so damn hot", definitely have to disagree there.
But really when I do kiss a girl I want it to count, I don't just want to get it out of the way, and I want it to be special.
I remember the first time I tried to talk to her, she had this uncomfortable look on her face and she looked all flustered.
I tried to ask her what was wrong and then she did the most surprising thing ever, she ran. I think it was all the attention that I got being seen with a girl no one thought I would talk to shocked them, but she took it the worst why?.
Was she embarrassed of me? She looked so scared and uncomfortable that I thought she was afraid of me, which horrified me but I could do nothing as I did not want to make it worse.
I guess she doesn't like attention, which I think is just plain stupid, as I find her the most beautiful person ever inside and out. But then again no one deserves her, at least not in Forks. She will move onto bigger and better things and someday she will meet, I think, the luckiest man alive
It's been three years and no one suspects my feeling for Bella or for any girl for that matter, but how could I when I was mesmerized by Bella. But really how could they suspect me liking Bella when I can't even talk to her as I think there must something be about me that causes her to be so distressed when ever I'm near her. So I keep my distance and watch like a vampire stalking his prey.
My god I have thought a lot about her this evening, I decide to get ready for bed and I finish quickly all the menial activities. I soon fall asleep dreaming of images of Bella engraved from memory.