This is My Moment
(Everything etc. belongs to Hasbro).
I crossed my fingers as Rio spoke to the other engineer. He glanced over his shoulder and gave me a smile. "We've got the take cued up, Raya."
I turned to my youngest brother, Rafael. "Come on, let's go."
Raf nearly knocked over a tape rack as he put down his copy of Sportsview and ambled over to my side. "Is this gonna take long?" he sighed.
"I thought you wanted to see a session?"
He shrugged.
Teenagers! He reminded me of so many of the girls at Starlight Mansion.
Raf and I headed down to the studio floor, where the mariachis finished warming up. The trumpeter and bandleader, Alejandro Tavares, waved for the players to stop when he saw me coming.
"I think we've got it down, Miss Raya," he said. "It's a little different than what we're used to, but we're always up for a challenge."
I tried to steel my nerves. I wasn't used to directing session musicians-that had always been Kimber's job. "OK, Rio says we're ready to roll. You'll hear the cue in your headphones."
I felt my tongue in my throat as I tried to remember everything I wanted to say. I glanced over at Raf, who only yawned.
"Remember," I added, "keep it very festive. Like a wedding—a beautiful wedding."
The guitarron player, Carlos, gave me a wink and announced, "The way little Raya's wedding will be one day!"
I could only laugh. Carlos had known my father for years, and Papa had recommended Los Mariachis Tavares when I was looking for someone for my song.
My song…
That still sounded so strange to me.
I tapped Raf on the shoulder: "Come on."
We headed back up to the booth, where Rio gave me a thumbs up. "We're ready anytime."
"So are they," I told him.
I pressed the talkback and told the band, "You'll hear the count-in on the tape." Alejandro translated for the members who didn't speak English.
I held my breath as Rio pressed the "Play" button. Soon, we could hear the other night's recording of his voice announce, "Take 12," on the tape.
It seemed odd to hear Aja pluck a stray note on her bass and cough, without her being in the studio. I just wasn't used to being present for overdubbing.
On the floor, Alejandro gave a signal to his men as he held his silvery trumpet to his lips.
Then, I heard myself on the tape as I tapped my drumsticks together: "Uno, dos, uno-dos-tres-quatro!"
At that moment, the mariachis erupted into a happy burst of song, blending seamlessly with the rhythm track the Holograms had recorded.
Rio and the other engineer muttered to each other during the take, as they pressed knobs and buttons all over the mixing desk.
"We'll want them pushed back in the mix during Raya's vocal," Rio instructed the other man.
My vocal…
That sounded even stranger.
I'd been practicing for over a week, trying to get the right sound for my debut as a lead singer. I thought I might just be able to pull it off without making anyone's ears bleed.
But I'm no fool. What the song really needed was Jem, and she wasn't here. I'd barely seen her at all for over two weeks.
I sighed, as I heard the sweet sound of the mariachis.
"It's all going to waste," I muttered.
"What?" Raf asked. "They sound great."
I turned to him, as he leaned back in an office chair. "I know—but what's the point, without a singer as good as Jem?"
As Alejandro launched into a virtuoso solo, I cursed myself for wasting his time.
"This is ridiculous, Kimber. You schedule a session, we all show up, and you don't even have a song ready?" Aja glared at Kimber, daring her to respond.
Kimber said nothing. None of us did, at first.
I perched on my drum stool and hoped someone would break the tension that built up with every second of silence.
In the end, it would be me.
"Maybe we could do a cover?"
Kimber spoke, as if I hadn't said anything. "I tried, Aja, ok? I had an idea ready, but…it just didn't come together, all right?"
Shana unplugged her guitar and began putting it back in the case. "Why didn't you cancel the session? Anthony and I had other plans for this evening, but we rearranged our schedule so I could be here."
Kimber shrugged. "I kinda forgot, I guess. I thought I might be able to finish the song in time, but other stuff came up."
"Like Sean?" Aja's tone had tuned acidic. I cringed—not another fight!
"What about Sean?" Kimber folded her arms and glared at Aja.
Aja's smile unnerved me. "Nothing. Just that you take off for San Diego with Sean the day before our session, and then you come in and tell us, 'Oh well, I don't have anything today.' Really fucking professional, Kimber!"
We all gasped. At least, I know I did. We were Jem and the Holograms—we didn't talk to each other like that. Not before, anyway.
Kimber huffed out a quick laugh. "I'm not sure why I bothered to show up."
"Yeah, I'm wondering that too." Aja was normally unflappable, but once the fuse had been lit, look out!
I heard Shana sigh. "Just cause we don't have a song to record, doesn't mean we have to fill up the time fighting. We might as well go home."
I tried again to smooth things over. "Maybe we could still do a cover? Aja, remember a couple months ago? We worked up a great jam of 'I Want Candy.' I know Jem would sound perfect on it."
Aja groaned and stared at the ceiling. "Covers can come across as chintzy. We need originals for the new album." She then gave Kimber another glare. "Kimber Benton originals!"
Kimber plunked random notes on her keyboard. "No one's stopping any of you from writing songs. I don't see why it always has to be me."
Aja jumped to her feet. "Incredible! You know, even a year ago, you'd get all mopey if me or Shana tried to bring in a song that you didn't have any input in. But now, with your solo album, and Sean, you just don't care anymore, do you?"
Kimber came out from behind her keyboard. I clutched my drumsticks and said a silent prayer that this wouldn't get out of hand.
"That's a funny thing to say, Aja. You know, all those songs I've written keep paying the bills for the Starlight girls. It'd be nice if you guys cut me a little slack for a change! God!"
Aja threw up her hands. "Slack! Everyone's had some slack lately! It seems like Raya and I are the only ones who even care about the band anymore."
Ugh…the last thing I wanted was to get dragged into the argument on any one side.
Shana snapped her guitar case shut with an audible thunk. "Excuse me, Aja?"
Aja sighed. "Hey, I'm not gonna lie, you just haven't been around much lately." She turned to face Kimber. "But at least when you show up, you're ready to contribute, unlike some people."
Kimber stamped the floor, paced around her keyboard, then stamped the floor again. "I said I'm sorry. Jeez!"
Aja picked up one of the mics and twirled it in her fingers. "Yeah, except, you totally didn't!"
"Maybe we could call Rio and the engineers back in and do some mixing, if we're not going to record?" I suggested. I rarely attended the mixing sessions: Kimber handled that, sometimes with help from Jem or Aja. I found studio work dull, when I wasn't actually playing.
But anything's better than arguing.
"This is hopeless," Shana moaned. "I'm going home."
Kimber grabbed a cup of coffee and slurped it accusingly as she glared at the rest of us. "I don't know why everyone's on my case. I've been carrying this band for the last five years. A little leeway would be nice for a change. I'm not a kid anymore."
"Could've fooled me," Shana grumbled.
Aja laughed. "You beat me to it."
I twirled one of my sticks as I imagined what my mother might be making for dinner that night. I laughed when I thought of the last time I'd seen her, a couple weeks earlier: after a lifetime devoted to traditional Mexican cooking, she'd bought an Italian cookbook and decided to try every recipe. That night, Papa broke a tooth on her attempt at lasagna, and she tossed the cookbook in the trash!
"Something funny, Raya?" Kimber asked.
I swallowed hard as three of the four other people in the room stared at me. "Sorry, my mind was somewhere else."
Shana nodded. "Raya's got the right idea. Kimber, let me know when you've got an actual song to record." She picked up her case and prepared to leave.
I knew only one hope remained of keeping this night from ending in bitterness…but it would be a long shot. "Jem, please, I know you don't want this. Tell them how silly they're being."
On the other side of the studio, Jem sat quietly, reading over several pieces of paper, as she'd been doing for nearly half an hour.
"Jem?" I asked again.
She looked up and smiled. "Sorry, did you want something, Raya?"
"Don't bother," Aja hissed. "Jem's not interested in our piddling little band anymore."
More than anything, Jem looked surprised by Aja's tone. "Since Kimber didn't have anything ready, I thought I'd read my letter."
"The one from Riot?" Aja shook her head.
Jem smiled as she stroked the pages. "They're in Denmark right now. He talked about how beautiful Copenhagen is."
"We know, we've been there!" Kimber snorted.
Jem struggled to hide her surprise. "There's no need to get snippy, Kimber."
Kimber walked over to me, tapped her finger against one of my cymbals, and announced, "I don't know what the point of bringing in songs is if Jem's head is five hundred miles away."
"Five thousand."
Kimber bit her lip. "What'd you say, Aja?"
"Denmark's closer to five thousand miles away!" She plucked her bass idly and added, "You should consider yourself lucky you can write songs."
Kimber knocked my hi-hat to the floor, as she glared at Aja. "Maybe I'm done writing songs for you! How about you call me when you've got some songs ready to record, and I'll play on 'em!"
I rushed to check my hi-hat for damage, as I heard Aja yell, "Fine by me! Shana, Raya and I can write the rest of the album ourselves!"
"Wait," I interrupted, "I didn't-"
Kimber glared at Aja. "Good, we agree then!"
"Good!"
"Good!"
"Good!"
Aja and Kimber went back and forth like that for longer than I care to remember.
When I looked up again, I noticed Jem had left.
"You know, Raya? This song doesn't make any sense!"
I can never be sure when Raf's joking. "Well, that's because you're not playing it right," I laughed. I hummed the melody once again. "Like that."
He picked out the tune on his guitar, though at a little faster tempo than what I'd hummed. "Not bad," he told me when he'd finished. "What are you gonna do in the middle?"
I hugged one of my bed's big fluffy pillows next to me and sighed. "I don't know yet."
The day after the failed session, Aja had met with me and Shana and convinced us we needed to write some songs if we had any hope of finishing the new album in time for the Christmas market. With Jerrica's attention wandering, Aja reminded us, a hit album just might be all that kept Starlight Mansion from closing.
So, no pressure there.
"Ok," Raf announced. "I think I've got this part. Are you ready?"
I took a deep breath. "Ok." I switched on the tape recorder and waited for Raf to strum the opening chords. As he launched into the verse, I held up the page I'd scribbled my lyrics on and began to sing: "If this is the last dance/I hope it never ends…"
"Carmen, are you going to be staying for dinner?" My mother is not in the habit of knocking.
I switched off the tape recorder and slumped against my headboard. "Mother, we're in the middle of something."
"Oh?" Mother ran her finger along my dresser and checked for dust. "It looks like you're in the middle of keeping Rafael from his homework." She put her hand on his shoulder and reminded him, "Don't you have an algebra test to study for?"
Raf put his guitar aside. "Calculus. But Raya needed my help with the song she's writing."
Mother raised her eyebrow at me. "Jem's making you write songs now?"
"Who's making my little Raya write songs?" Papa popped his head in the door and looked around.
"No, no, it's not like that," I tried to explain. "We have to finish our new album soon, but Kimber just doesn't have enough songs, so the rest of us need to pick up the slack."
I heard Mother grumble a little. "That Kimber…" She muttered something to Papa in Spanish. I'm pretty sure I heard her say, "Loose girl."
"Well, Rosita," Papa smiled, "I know Raya will do a great job. Won't that be great? Our daughter writing a hit song for Jem and the Holograms!"
I blushed. "I doubt that. We just need some songs to fill out the cd."
"Oh, nonsense!" Papa declared. "If you just believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything."
I could only smile. My father had always been my biggest fan.
"I think her song's pretty rad," Raf chimed in. "She's been trying to teach it to me so we can record a demo."
"Oh, will Jem be singing it?" Mother asked. "Such a sweet voice that girl has!"
I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them. "I don't know. Jem's been really…busy, lately. I might have to sing the song myself."
"But, Carmen," Mother warned. "You're a drummer, not a singer."
I almost cried when I heard her say that. It hadn't been all that many years before that she'd tell me, "Girls don't want to play drums."
Papa smiled as he walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. "She may not be Jem, Rosita, but that's not important. She's our Raya, and that's good enough."
"Thank you, Papa."
"Now," Papa announced, as he grabbed his own belly. "Tengo mucha hambre! Let's let the children finish their work while we get dinner ready."
"Uh uh," Mother objected. "Rafael still needs to study for his trigonometry test."
Raf groaned. "Calculus," he reminded her. "Sorry, Raya. I'll have to help you later."
"That's ok," I told him. "The song still needs work, anyway. It's missing something…I just don't know what."
As Raf left, Papa laughed to himself and told my mother, "Look at our Raya—so important to her group. Doesn't she deserve fajitas?"
Mother gave Papa a smirk. "Do you want fajitas, Miguel?"
"Well, if you feel like making them…"
"Ok, ok…out! Out!" Mother told him as she shooed him out the door. Once Papa had gone, she sighed as she ran her fingers along my desk. "You said it's missing something?"
"Hmm?" I glanced over my lyrics and shook my head at my sloppy spelling.
"Your song, Carmen."
"Oh." I watched Mother as she pulled up a chair next to bed. She watched me and waited for me to speak up. "Well, I think it's going to need something extra, besides just the band…but I can't figure out what."
Mother looked at up the ceiling for a moment. I followed her gaze, and looked for any clumps of dust she might have noticed up there.
"Did your father ever tell you about the dances?" Mother smiled, as she looked past me, to some other place…
Some other time…
"He loved the mariachis. When we were young, he'd take me to this little place, on the east side of the city, where his favorite band played. He was friends with the guitarron player-" she paused and sifted through her memories. "Carlos…such a foolish man! He'd sell his own mother for a cerveza. And such a bad influence on your father, too. I don't think either of them slept before six in the morning the first year we dated!"
I tried to hide my laughter: my Papa, drinking the night away? Most of my childhood, he usually fell asleep by nine. Eight-thirty if we'd had a big dinner.
"I'd only been in el Norte for three…no, four years when I met him. I remember being so shy back then. And your father, he'd been here since he was eight. Such a suave man, and so confident. He seemed to know everything and everyone in this city. Once I started to fall for him…" She nodded softly to herself. "I didn't want to stop, Carmen."
I felt my tears beginning to well up. I tried to hold them back; I didn't want anything to stop her from speaking.
"Even then, he grew flowers. One night, he brought me to his father's nursery, and he crowned me with a garland of dahlias." She hid her face in her hands to hide the smile. "Then he brought out Carlos and his friends, and we danced for hours as the mariachis played."
"Papa did all that?"
"Yes he did." She gave me a smirk as she hoisted herself to her feet. "That's why I'm going to make him fajitas for the third time this week, the silly man!"
I laughed as I let the tears go.
As she turned to leave, she told me, "I hope you'll find what your song needs."
I hugged my pillow close to me. "I think I might know just the thing."
A little after midnight, after the Tavares Mariachis had finished recording their part and gone home, I watched as Rio tested the mic in the vocal booth. "We can record whenever you're ready, Raya."
I tried to smile. "Oh, good."
"Something wrong?"
I fidgeted with the lyric sheets in my hands. "I just don't know if I can sing this song."
He gave me a quick smile. "Oh yeah, this is your first lead, isn't it? Well, I wouldn't worry too much. If Pizzazz can do it, anyone can."
When I'd stopped laughing, I reminded him, "She may be an awful person, but she's a great singer. I should have tried calling Kimber again."
Rio's head drooped, a sign I'd grown used to: he was thinking. "Hey, I've seen lots of singers get nervous in the studio. Even…" He paused, before saying, "even…uh, Aja. Even Aja, Miss Cool. I don't remember if you were here the day she did her first lead, for the last album."
"I don't think I was."
Rio smiled. "Her knees were knocking the whole time. Something I never thought I'd see."
"Really?" I marveled at the thought. Aja wasn't even nervous the time a lion got loose and attacked us!
"Honestly, I think this is gonna be one of the better songs on the album." He finished adjusting the mic to my height and added. "And those mariachis sure know how to have a good time!"
I remembered my mother's story, and laughed.
"Anyway," Rio added, "It wouldn't hurt to do some rehearsals before you decide for sure if you want to track the vocal. Just do a few run…"
He trailed off. I turned around and saw why.
I could barely find the breath to say her name.
"Jem?"
She wore a pink stole around her bare shoulders. Her purple and white bustier hugged her tightly, almost as tight as her cherry red leather pants. Her gold-rimmed sunglasses were her second gaudiest accessory, next to the one on her arm…
"We have arrived," Riot declared.
"Jem," I asked, "What are you doing here?"
She slipped off her shades and handed them to her man. "I received an interesting phone call earlier…" She took my hands in hers. "I didn't know you'd written a song, Raya."
I know I must have blushed. "It's just a little thing. But who told you?"
She smirked. "Someone who said he was 'a close friend,' who happened to sound just like your little brother."
I glanced up at the control booth. Raf had fallen asleep, his head on the mixing desk.
I noticed that when I wasn't looking, Rio had gone back to the booth and had begun twiddling knobs. I can't say I blamed him, after how things had ended for him and Jem.
Jem gave me her biggest smile. "Look, I know there's been some tension in the group lately. I think I might even be the cause of some of it," she chuckled. "But you've always been a perfect pro, and a dear friend, and it wouldn't be right if I didn't give back, after all the help you've given me."
I wanted to cry. After all the arguments, all the tense words, all the distance, all the walls that had slowly grown between us all…this was the Jem I knew. Even with Riot standing two feet away, looking as cocky as ever, he couldn't ruin that moment.
I had been the girl drumming along to my Jem and the Holograms albums in my parents' garage, dreaming of the day when I might be lucky enough to hear myself play on a record. I'd never dreamed I'd be a Hologram one day; much less that I'd grow close to them.
Whatever other problems we were all having, I promised myself right then not to forget that Jem's my friend.
They all are.
"Raya," she told me, "I'd be happy to help with the song anyway I can."
I looked up to the control room. "Rio?"
Before I could say anything else, he gave me a thumbs up. Moments later, the sound of my song filled the studio floor.
I showed Jem the lyrics, and explained what I'd had in mind.
I don't want to reprint them all. Looking back on them years later…well, there's a good reason I didn't become a full-time songwriter!
Jem nodded to me and smiled as I explained how I wanted to describe the feeling of a wonderful time that's nearly ended, and how you keep wanting just one more dance, to keep the party going.
The party that has to end.
First she offered to sing the bridge. As we ran through the song, each time I'd suggest that she sing a couple more lines.
By the time we were ready to record, Jem stepped into the booth, ready to sing the whole song.
"Good luck," Riot told her. "I shall wait in the control room."
I glanced up at Rio, as he sat at the mixing desk, next to a groggy but awake Raf.
"I don't think that would be a good idea," I told him. I tried not to look angry, but I don't think I succeeded.
Riot merely laughed. "Perhaps you're right. Not everyone can lose gracefully. I'll see if the commissary is still open." He waved to the control room and left the studio.
After I made it upstairs, I gave Raf a quick nudge.
"Eh?" he muttered.
I hugged his shoulders. "Muchas gracias, hermanito."
He rubbed his eyes. "No problem." He laughed and added, "Hey, I just wanted a chance to see Jem at the session…girl is hot!"
I pretended to give him a smack across the forehead. "Silly!"
Rio pressed the intercom button. "Ready whenever you are."
I noticed he spoke coldly and carefully, and avoided looking down at the studio. I wished I had told him to let the other engineer handle the rest of the session.
"I'm more than ready," Jem chirped.
In moments, my song played again-this time, being sung by the voice I'd heard in my head when I wrote it.
Jem sang one take. She didn't need any more—the first had been perfect.
The next time I saw her, I helped destroy her.
Whenever I think I did the right thing, and that I helped save Jerrica, I can't help but remember this session.
Track Eight: "One Last Dance."
A few months later, as my family and I listened to the finished CD, I fought the urge to leave the room. Every song seemed to bring back a bad memory: the tone of frustration in Aja's voice as she sang the fourth song; Shana's bass sounding a tiny bit out of tune on track five, after Kimber grabbed it from her and threw it to the floor when Shana showed up late for the session; the lack of vocals during the fade-out of track seven, because Jem walked out of the session without finishing them.
"Your drumming is muy bueno!" Papa told me.
"I thought Jem would sing more," Mother complained.
I tried my best to smile.
Then my song came on. Papa clapped along with the beat, and Mother took my hand and smiled at me. My other brothers, Miguel, Jr., and Gabriel, applauded, as Raf did a little dance through the living room.
"The best song on the album!" Papa enthused. "A hit for sure."
I felt myself blush. "I'm glad you liked it."
Papa nudged Mother. "Rosita, isn't it time we have Carlos over for dinner?"
Mother turned to me. "Have you heard back from that band you talked to? The one with the bald girl?"
I grinned. "Not yet, but I think they liked me."
Papa reached over and hugged me. "Of course they did, my little Raya."
My time in Jem and the Holograms had been the most exciting years of my life.
I got to hear myself on a record for the first time.
I got a chance to see the whole world.
I had adventures I never dreamed possible…some of which, I was just lucky to survive.
I got a chance to help make a difference in the lives of some very special girls.
I was able to help put my brothers through college.
I met my four best friends…my sisters. Despite how things ended, I know I can turn to any one of them, and they'll be there for me.
But it couldn't last forever.
That's what my family's for.
(Note: Since Raya's brothers' names were never mentioned on the show, I didn't feel beholden to use the names from the Jem bible.
Big thanks again to my beta tester, AllieGee!)