I was in denial. I was deep in denial. I was deep deep in denial. And it's all James Potter's fault.

I didn't mean to fall in love with him. I didn't even mean to like him. It's all his fault anyway. The bastard. He had to be so loveable. And I think the only reason I liked him cos he liked me first. I mean, if he hadn't liked me, I wouldn't have noticed him trailing around after me, his personality; the sheer cockiness of it was unbearable. But so hot. And his looks. Oh, God…. His looks…

He was unbelievable pretty, even for a boy. And I hated him for it.

Ugghhhhh…. I threw myself backwards. Luckily, I was on my bed at the time, so I just ended up landing on my pillows. WHY DID I LIKE HIM SO MUCH?!

I would make a list… but I don't want to know the reasons. If I know the reasons for liking him, it will make it harder for me to STOP liking him. Eugh. My head hurts. My mind wandered back to this after noon's classes…

We were in herbology, my worst class. It's the same class Potter is in. That's probably why it's my worst class. Because I cant stop staring at that perfect head of his… anyway, it was a typical day. He flirted with me, I pretended I didn't care. Brushed them off, because I knew he would do it the next day, and the next, and the next… boy, was I wrong. Because sometime halfway through herbology, he stopped talking to Sirius Black, after what looked like some serious discussion, and walked over to my best friend, Alice. (I usually sit next to Alice in this class, but she had got moved to the other side of the room for distracting me. By singing: 'Lily and Potter sitting in a tree…' – Yes, you can see why she got moved.)

Anyway, I was watching as Potter moved over to talk to Alice and whisper something in her ear. At this point, Sirius Black was looking at me with a kind of odd expression. Sort of, sorrow, humour and guilt. Mixed together. Weirdo.

I went back to feeding my purple looking plant.

One minute later though, my eyes were back to being glued to Potter. And Alice. He was still with her. And to be honest, at that moment, I really wanted to know what they were talking about. But now, I wish I had never found out.

Alice came to me after Herbology. I was sitting in the common room, revising for my Charms test. She came and sat next to me and just nodded when I said: 'hi Alice'. I could feel energy bursting out of her.

I looked up from my charms book and looked at her properly. She was blushing, and her eyes were bright. This could only mean one thing – she was dying to tell me something. But like she is, she would wait until I asked her about it. Usually I would wait 20 minutes until she looked like she would explode. But, today, I just went straight out and asked her.

'Alice, do you have something to tell me?'

She shook her head.

'Ok….'

'Guess! Guess what happened to me!'

Oh god. Not the guessing game.

I sighed. 'Did you get an A in a class or something?'

Her brown ponytail swished as she shook her head. 'No'

'Have you won a prize?'

'No..'

'Has someone asked you out?'

'YES!' Alice jumped off the common room chair and grabbed my shoulders. 'Do you know WHO asked me out?!'

I sighed again. 'You'll tell me anyway…'

'JAMES POTTER!!!'

Everything was silent. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe.

So here I am. On my bed. In denial. You can see why though.

I just cant believe she had said yes to him... and I cant believe he had asked her out. He was supposed to like me.

After Alice told me her 'wonderful' news, I went to my dorm. Had to conjure up a box of tissues. And another. And another. The floor around my bed were covered in them. But now I had run out of tears. And I was ANGRY. I hated them. I hated them both. They could go to hell. They could die in a pit of diseased bodies. They could –

I hit my head with a pillow. I had to get over it. Nothing could change now. Even if they broke up, I couldn't go out with him. If he asked me. Which he wouldn't. Because he has Alice.

I screamed. They were not getting away with this.

I jumped up from my bed and threw the curtains out of my way. Alice was standing next to my bed, hand raised as though to move the curtain that was there before. She blinked.

'Are you OK?' She asked, cocking her head to the side.

How dare she even ask that question?! Has she no brains? Is that why Potter likes her? Because she doesn't have brains?

Can she not see that I'm not alright?! She really DOESN'T have a brain. Why did I like her in the first place?

'Yes.' I snarled, pushing past her. 'I'm FINE.'

I walked through the door leading to the stairs. When I looked back, Alice was blinking at me, a shocked expression on her face. I scowled at her, and walked down the stairs.

I was in the library when she found me. I was glaring at a book, the same page I'd been trying to read for the past hour. I just couldn't. All that circled my mind was Alice and James. Him whispering in her ear… him kissing her. My mind was out to get me. It just kept creating these images to torture me. It was killing me.

Alice slid into the chair opposite me, and spoke a hushed 'hi'. He used to say that to me. He used to say hi. With an 'Evans' on the end. A simple 'hi Evans' that made my heart start beating faster and my palms sweat and my voice go all girly and weird, that Alison used to call my 'I want you' voice. I would never speak the word 'hi' again.

I ignored Alice. Went back to fake-reading the book. We sat in silence. When I glanced up once, she was looking worried. She should look worried, my mind thought, I'm going to kill her…

'Lily, I…' Alice started to speak, but I interrupted her.

'There's nothing you can say.' I hissed. 'So LEAVE.'

I was still glaring at the book, when I said this, but the next time I looked up she was gone. I slumped against the table. Head in the book, my sobs started.

A couple of days passed. I ignored Alice. I didn't even see James. I thought I saw his friends looking at me once, but when I lifted my head to see, all their heads were turned in opposite directions, looking deep in thought. I hated them too.

I was in the common room, at 3am. I couldn't sleep. I hadn't slept in a couple of days, to be honest. My mind wouldn't let me. The images in my mind killed me. I supposed I was used to it by the third night, but now it's the fourth night and its beginning to wear thin.

I bet Potter is sleeping. I bet Alice is sleeping. Maybe they're even sleeping together.

I jumped up. That was it. I couldn't take it anymore.

How dare they sleep. How dare they sleep when I'm down here, not sleeping, only thinking of them.

I balled my hands up into fists and sprinted to the stairs that led to the boys' dorms. I ran to the door that I knew held four sleeping boys, hammering on their door.

A very disgruntled Remus Lupin came to the door, looking pissed. 'What?' He said. He sounded pissed too. But I didn't care. I stopped caring three days ago.

'Where's. Potter?' I hissed, hands still in fists.

Remus raised his eyebrows and leaned against the door frame. 'Why is that any concern of you, Evans?'

The word 'Evans' hurt me. He used to call me Evans.

'It is my concern when I want to kill him.' I was shaking. I was so angry I was shaking. Remus must have noticed this because he dropped the sarcastic tone and straightened up. 'I don't want to tell you if you intend to kill him.'

I didn't answer. Just kept shaking.

Remus sighed. 'I don't know where he is. Last I saw him was in the library. But that was more than six hours ago.'

I didn't care. Even this snippet of information was enough to find him. Well, to me it was.

I turned on my heel and glided down the stairs, heading straight for the portrait hole.

I walked through the empty corridors, being as quiet as a woman obsessed could be. I went to the library. He wasn't there. I stomped back down the halls, cursing him every step along the way, sometimes banging my head of the walls.

I went to check the prefects bathroom. Nope, he wasn't there.

I checked the kitchens. He wasn't there either.

I was ready to rip my hair out with the all anger I still hadn't let out on anybody. I was stalking along the same hall I'd stalked three times before, when, I tripped over something.

Something that moved. And had a pulse. And groaned when I accidentally kicked it in the stomach.

'Sorry, sorry, sorry!' Even in my angry mode, I was still polite. Until I found out who I was being polite too.

Potter.

'POTTER!!' I screamed, lunging at him to wrap my hands around that perfect neck of his and wring the life out of it.

But he stopped me.

He put one hand over my mouth and another over his lips, making a 'shushing' noise. I glared at him. How DARE he shush me!

I threw his hand of me and rubbed my lips clear of him. I despised him.

'You're a little fuc-'

'Would you SHUT UP for a MINUTE please?!' he yelled (quietly).

I slunk backwards and rested against the wall. Damn. He was scary when he was angry. And sooooo hot.

I shook my head. I was supposed to be angry at him. I AM angry at him. But it's so hard to be angry at someone so hot…

What the hell was he doing? His hot head was tilted to the side and he looked like he was concertrating. But I couldn't tell, cos, well, when does he ever concentrate?

'Ok.' He said, relaxing. 'I cant hear anyone.' Ahh. So he was listening.

His relaxed expression didn't last long. As he turned to face me, I could see the emotions that danced his features. Anger, relief, lust (I think), humour, sadness, anger. He was filled with it.

I gulped. Shit.

He glared at me. 'What are you DOING here?' he hissed.

I took a deep breath. He wasn't going to scare me. Anymore.

'I could ask you the same question.' I folded my arms. If it was a fight he wanted, it was a fight he was going to get.

He stayed glaring at me. He probably didn't like smart comebacks. Or smart people.

'I'm here because I WANT to be here.' He said.

'Me too.' I glared back at him. We kept like that for a while. Sitting, like marble. Just glaring at each other. I don't know how long for, but when we heard a scuffling noise we both jumped up.

'Filch.' We whispered together.

Immediately, James swooped down and picked something up off the floor. A decorated blanket, it looked like. An invisibility cloak. Wow. How rich IS he?

'Get under this.' He grabbed me around the waist and threw the cloak over us. His sudden touch sent shivers down my back.

Stop it, Lily! Just stop it! He's going out with your best friend! My mind was battling with my heart. But my heart was winning.

His arm was still around my waist. I tried to control my breathing as I heard Filch shuffling closer and closer to our hiding spot, hissing to his new kitten.

'I heard something down here, I swear. Did you hear anything, my sweet?' he was in the same hall as us now. I held my breath.

I could hear James' heart pounding it was that loud. I thought Filch was going to hear it too. But he shuffled past, not even glancing at where we were. I'm sure Mrs. Norris did though. Can cats see through invisibility cloaks?

We relaxed, heaving huge sighs. We knew we were safe, but James didn't attempt to remove the cloak. His grip around my waist loosened, but he didn't let go. We slumped against the wall, breathing deeply.

'I'm…Sorry, Lily.' He whispered.

I jumped at the breath warm against my ear. And had he just called me Lily…?

'Wh…what?!' I said, a little too loud in the empty corridor.

'I said…' He paused and turned his head to look at me. 'I'm sorry.'

My mind was blank, staring into those eyes. Why was he saying sorry again…?

'Sorry for what?' Couldn't help but notice that his arm was still around my waist.

'You don't KNOW? You cant REMEMBER?!' His hand (the one that wasn't around my waist, of course) flew to his hair, mussing it up. Making it look adorable. Even more adorable than usual.

I still didn't know why he was sorry.

'I'm going out with your BEST FRIEND!'

Oh. Yeah. That.

'Oh…' I looked down. Which was kinda hard cos the cloak was restricting my movement (and I didn't want to look away from those eyes…)

'We thought it would work…Sirius talked me into it…his idea! I didn't want to…I knew this would happen….!'

'Knew what would happen?' He probably didn't notice that his arm was still around my waist. It was like it belonged there…

'Sirius said that it would be good…stupid, stupid, STUPID!'

'Are you GOING to tell me what you're talking about?'

'It WAS stupid.' Is he talking to himself, or me? I couldn't tell…

He turned to look at me again, his other hand moved from his hair and grabbed my shoulder instead. 'I just hope this isnt.'

He pulled me toward him, so I was crushed against his body.

His lips were on mine, soft and sweet and satisfying. I didn't want to respond. I thought I was angry with him. I thought I was. He's going out with Alice! I cant kiss him! I especially cant kiss him in a deserted corridor in the middle of the night…

But I did. I couldn't help it. He was too nice…too sweet…too tempting.

I responded.

I kissed him back, my hands reaching up and tangling in his dark hair. He moaned against my lips, pushing me back against the wall.

My mind was screaming at me to stop, it was insane, why was I kissing him?

Maybe because he's a good kisser.

Stop Heart, stop!

And you love him. I know you do. I should know. I'm your heart.

Then it clicked. I was kissing the hottest boy in school, who loves me, and I love him…and I want to stop?

He was taking advantage of the silence. He had moved from my mouth to my jaw, to my neck, to my shoulder. And I was letting him.

I put my arms around his waist and slid my hands inside his shirt, pulling him closer to me. His lips moved up again to my ears, and slid back along my jaw to my lips. I groaned an involintary groan. He smirked against my lips.

I didn't know how we ended up on the floor, or how the cloak slipped off us.

All I know is that at 7am, on a bright Tuesday morning, they found us.

And by they, I mean Proffesor McGonagall, Proffesor Dumbledore, and a herd of students.

And by us, I mean me and James, naked, in the middle of a corridor, holding each other; surrounded in our clothes.

And I don't know how I'm going to live it down.

But I do know, that I'll be doing that again, VERY soon.

Extra: Agh! Sorry! I forgot some things…gah…cant believe I did that…Alice and James weren't actually going out, they were fake going out to make Lily jealous. Blame Sirius (even though Sirius is THE rock) But I worked, see? Lily DID get jealous… I may write a follow up to this, if you want it. So it's up to you, my dear reviewers.

Thnx!

xXxTheLivingDollxXx