The Legend of the Master Sock
One day, Sakura saw Li on Hobo St. But she didn't give a shit. So then she saw Zelda eating of a trashcan. After few blocks, she saw Tomoyo getting it on with another girl. Sakura felt like she was being cheated on.
"Tomoyo, what are you doing? You're with another girl. Are you not my friend any more?" asked Sakura with fear.
"Don't be silly, Sakura. I'm still your friend. All I'm not in love with you," said Tomoyo.
Five hours later after walking another fifty miles, Sakura found herself in the middle of Yoshi St. There, was a yellow Yoshi commanding an army of dirty socks. They were socks that were stolen from the local Laundromat and have been brought to life with the aid of the rat talisman (as seen on Jackie Chan's Adventures on KidsWb, every day at 4:30P.M. Watch it!). They were putrid, stinking, and dripping with hobos' pee and sweat.
Their evil faceless faces turned to Sakura's shocked one. Yoshi, noticing the sudden lack of attention among the socks, turned to find Sakura on the floor in a fetal position warding off an evil sock.
"Attack the bitch!" Yoshi commanded. In a split second, thousands of socks attacked the defenseless Card Captor.
Out of the blue comes Tuxedo Mask appears with a box of Tide and sprinkled the detergent on the evil socks. The socks begin screaming in pain (they can't be evil if they're clean). Serena helped him place them on a hamper and washed them. Once the socks were clean and dry, smelling of fresh country air courtesy of Downey, everyone in the street received a free pair of clean socks.
Sakura, being the hapless victim, received the best pair. She proudly showed off a pair of neon pink socks with Barbie logos on them. They whole street skipped around in circles in their new socks. But then the master sock came, smelling worse, looking worse, and meaner.
"Give my children back, you hobos," said the master sock.
"Shit! I will need a big box of Tide, and a big bottle of bleach," said Tuxedo Mask.
So then everybody worked together and using Tuxedo's Mask's cape, Serena's ugly hair, and Sakura's Bubble card, made a giant box of Tide and a big bottle of bleach.
They managed to destroy/wash the master sock. He was turned into a giant quilt. The night was so beautiful that everyone slept outside under the warm fuzzy quilt.
The next day, Sakura woke to find that the quilt had been jacked from the street. Yoshi had stolen it and used it as means of parachute when he jumped off the cliff that led to the next city, Hyrule. Sakura, being a very dull child, jumped off the cliff. She would have fallen to her death if she hadn't landed on some poor fat bastard.
"Get off me, you stupid broad!" screamed Talon, the milkman who happened to be the poor fat bastard beneath Sakura.
Sakura got off the fatass and resumed exploring Hyrule, hoping that Yoshi hadn't gone far with the quilt.
"Oh, Clow Reed, I didn't know you were gay!" exclaimed Yue writhing under the sorcerer.
"I'm not gay, I just think Link is HOTT!!!"
"What the hell, who said my name?" asked Link.
Sakura runs up the legendary hero of time. "Mr. Legendary Hero of Time, have you seen a yellow Yoshi, possibly androgynous, with a huge quilt?"
"A huge quilt? Well, someone who fitted your description sold it to Princess Zelda."
"What the fuck?! I used my Bubble card to make that!"
"You can't say 'fuck', you retard! Say #%$*@ instead! The misusage of symbols will confuse the tykes who are reading this, and thus will never know what you said! Understand, bitch?"
Sakura nodded in agreement. Link didn't trust Sakura and went ahead and drove the Master Sword into her.
Will anyone ever discover the secret of the gigantic quilt? Is Sakura really dead?
Do you know?
Do you care?
Stay tuned…
…or not.
To be continued…the end