Take My Breath Away
Characters~ Arthur & Merlin
Disclaimer~ Once again—owning Merlin is Arthur's job, not mine. XD
Warnings~ AU (we're still in medieval Camelot though X"D), the tiniest bitofOOC, SLASH bromance, sick/dying!Arthur, fluff, and very indirect reference to the Bible—there, I said it. So sue me for sort of not really bringing religion into this (hopefully not ^^" If I'm going to hell for this, then fine. :P)
Music on My Mind~ Take My Breath Away by Berlin (don't own)
Notes from the KIT-chan~
*UPDATE: Meant to put this up a few days ago, but then I reconsidered it because I thought it wouldn't be good enough. However, I was somehow cajoled by a certain someone into putting it up anyway, and..eh, what the heck? It won't hurt anyway. X"D
Originally Written from Monday 4/11/11…
All right, so I'm a Catholic. So sue me for being guilty (just kidding—why the hell do I keep saying that? Must be too much Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney… X"D). Anyways, this may or may not have anything to do with the subject, but if you do know what I'm talking about and know the story of Lazarus, then…well, I don't know—it'll just make the slightest difference. XD No worries if you're not a Catholic, though—you'll understand this story just the same. ;-D
Other than that, I wrote this fic straight from my imagination—from a dream I had for the past two nights (don't you dare say it was a revelation of any sort—please. ^^") after hearing the actual story of Lazarus during Saturday Mass. And considering the fact that it was actually one of my favorite stories…this past Saturday was probably one of the rarest times when I really did pay attention to the reading without spacing out once throughout the whole thing. X"D Then later on in the middle of the same night and the night after that at exactly 4 in the morning…I woke up crying. "
And this…was why.
Enjoy~ ~wO
*NOTE: "~xXx~" means "flashback" and "~o~" means "scene change"
.::*~Kitsune Shadow~*.::.
~o~
I remember it…almost as if it all happened yesterday.
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. It's faint…but the way that this memory's stricken my heart…has been absolutely nothing compared to all the others I'd just barely managed to keep after all these years.
No—this one…was a lot more different than I ever could have imagined.
At that moment, I begin to hear the sound of people's cries ringing through my ears, and then it all begin to echo throughout the dark corners of my mind.
~xXx~
I'm standing alone in the middle of a town square—one you would often picture in a fairy tale of some sort—though this had been far from a happy ending.
My body was tied to a wooden stake, so it seemed—with hundreds of branches scattered below my feet in an enormous pile, as if to make things look more dramatic. And I look from the tops of my shoes to the guards in front of me, standing vigilant so that I couldn't escape.
But as a matter of fact, they were all looking at me with fearful expressions on their faces, some whispering anxiously behind my back…and the others spreading gossip all over the place. For once, I tried not to listen to what any of them were murmuring, but this time…none of them could be ignored.
"So…he is one of them after all…I should have known…"
I closed my eyes, fighting to keep my face composed. But then again, it was rather impossible.
"It's unbelievable that the Prince could have missed such a thing…and he'd cared for him as his servant this whole time…"
"I've heard rumors that he was one of the only ones that he's ever treated as more than a friend. It's sad, really, how it all has to turn out this way."
"But this isn't fair—he shouldn't die like this. The boy's done nothing wrong to any of us."
"You must be joking—he's lied to us just as he'd lied to his own master. The punishment now that he shall get is well-deserved to he himself."
"It doesn't matter either way—the King has made his decision final. Nothing we can do will save him at this point."
"It makes you wonder how Uther's son would have reacted after hearing such heartbreaking news…"
"Betrayed."
"Hurt."
"Destroyed."
"Forlorn."
"All for an act just plainly unforgivable…"
I shuddered slightly as these words cut into me, causing me to recall that unbearable image of him to burn at the very back of my mind: that anguished, heartbroken look on a fair face…and sapphire blue eyes—filled with so much pain that one could not even begin to imagine…
And that was when I'd heard the order be given to the guards—to start the fire from just below my feet.
I gulped as soon as I'd opened my eyes to notice the fateful flame emerge ablaze not far from where I was, inching closer and closer to me for every single second that passed…
Then I looked at the crowd, my gaze darting around from person to person almost frantically.
But in the very core of my heart, no matter how much it ached, I knew for a fact that he would not be there to watch.
At that moment, I lowered my eyes dejectedly, then raised them slightly to look intently at the man standing above the crowd on that same balcony as for all those other times that he'd executed those that…
I exhaled sharply as he glared down at me with cold eyes, filled with an enormous amount of pure hatred for magic. In that instant, I could do nothing but stare at him helplessly.
In less than a second, the fire surrounded me—and for once in that lifetime, I had nowhere to go. All I could see then was absolutely nothing but great orange flames engulfing the very air I was breathing—clouding my sight with ash-grey smoke.
Soon, it would be the end—and I knew it that far. I closed my eyes and hung my head, preparing myself for what was to come.
However, just as I had started to shut out all that I could possibly see at that moment…
"Wait! Stop!"
…a certain something—or someone—had caught my attention, causing me to raise my gaze for one last time.
And to this day, I'd never regret doing that myself—or forget what I had seen.
Just a few feet, behind the blazes that isolated me from the rest of the square and among the people that persecuted me so…I saw none but those aqua blue irises staring at me once more, as they glimmered beyond the burning flames.
Almost instinctively, I'd held my breath as soon as I'd seen this before my own gaze. For without a doubt, they were indeed, his eyes…now wide open with horror and regret.
"No!"
I swallowed, staring sadly back at what was left of anything I could see from him, wincing both with pain and anguish.
Arthur…
I paused for a second, then opened my mouth to try and call out to him from where I was.
But before I could say one word, everything had already gone black. Yet I hadn't even felt the flames scorch me alive—more or less touch me that instant.
To be frank…it had been as if I had disappeared.
~o~
Since that day, I'd woken up somewhere else—alone in what looked to be the middle of nowhere, darkness surrounding me everywhere I went. It had been dead quiet—and my whole mind was blank that whole time.
I'd gotten up on both my feet, wandering through the realm I was in at that moment, not knowing where I was or why I was there…nor even remembering my own name—or anything that had happened before this. It was almost as if…nothing was even there to remember in the first place. And absolutely no one was there for me to talk to—to answer my cries out in the neverending shadows.
~o~
I look up now to figure out where I am at this moment in time, and there is nothing but complete and utter blackness—a void that was never meant to be filled, just as it had always been.
It had been a very long while since this began, and since then…it felt like I'd been walking for ages, yet I didn't know why I wouldn't stop.
But had all changed in an instant—during a desperate moment when I had almost nearly collapsed.
…when I thought I'd heard a faint voice echo in my head, which finally made me stop in my tracks.
"The one that you love…has fallen sick."
~o~
After that, I woke up again—wondering who had spoken to me at that moment and what the small message to me meant. But before I could even begin to think…I found myself in an area that seemed all too familiar. One that I'd later figured out…that I had once decided to call home.
It seemed very awkward that for me to return here now all of a sudden…but at the same time, it felt a bit heartwarming to be back in this place again.
Though I couldn't help but notice something seemed very different here now from the way I knew it had been before…
For one thing, the skies bore a depressing grey from above.
~o~
I stepped past the entrance of the town, into the little village that I had once known but couldn't possibly name for my life.
Little houses filled the sides of the path, along with fruit stands and stables that held all sorts of farm animals in them.
Just as it had been before it all happened…though it seemed more like a ghost town at that moment, for no matter where I turned to look that instant…not a single human soul was there, all things abandoned in the same location as before.
From that point forward, it really occurred to me that something definitely was not right.
~o~
Even as I made my way into the town square where a grand castle stood behind, there was still no one to greet me with open arms or apprehend me perhaps if I was trespassing in some way out of the ordinary.
No guards or soldiers there to stop me where I was…or horses or dogs at the very least.
To tell you the truth…the atmosphere around me only grew more somber from here on out.
And yet I still could never figure out…just why everything was like this now.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I slowly walked up the front steps into the main hall.
Hopefully things would begin to change soon.
~o~
At first, it was silent when I walked into the castle, not a single person in sight.
But that wasn't until I heard the faint sound of sniffling not long after that—around the corner of another hallway.
I paused and hesitated a little. Then after a while, I brought myself to creep forward for just the slightest glance of the area…
And that was when I'd found a group of three soldiers.
~o~
Two of them were sitting down with their backs against the wall and sad expressions on their faces, while another stood alone across from them with his hand over his forehead, crying softly from where he was standing, which was rare and surprising to me on the slightest occasion, since it would be odd to see all three of them sulking like this.
It made me wonder very much at that moment…about the reason why.
But I stiffened as soon as I'd heard someone approaching me from behind down my side of the hallway, and I whirled around quickly to see a male with long, dark blonde hair with a beard grown around his chin—a knight who looked rather familiar to me, actually.
He was walking alongside another of his kind, who looked over at the soldiers with a sullen countenance on his face.
In that instant, I almost thought they would catch me by then for sure—considering the fact that I didn't have enough time to go hide somewhere.
But they passed by me with unfazed looks on their faces, and continued making their way towards their comrades.
My mouth dropped open at that moment. To my surprise…it was as if I wasn't even there.
This really made me think for a second, but that wasn't until one of them had spoken to the other and I had no choice but to listen.
A dull sigh, then a sharp exhale.
"So…they still haven't gotten over the fact that…" His voice faltered on that last part. "…that he's…gone?"
At that moment, I held my breath and listened carefully to what the dark blonde had to say.
"No—it seems that they are still mourning…over—'s death," the knight spoke in a sad tone. He sighed, hanging his head for a minute. "…as am I, to be frank with you. He was the best friend and leader a knight of Camelot could ever ask for, and now we have lost him to oblivion." He slowly shook his head, closing his eyes.
At the same time…I couldn't help but frown with incredulity after all that had just happened before my very eyes—as if his mouth moving as he said the person's name, but no audio coming out from his throat.
.
.
.
What?
I swear—I really couldn't explain why I wasn't able to hear the poor one's name, more or less have any idea of who it could be.
Really—it was as if he had just purposely mouthed the name out on that last phrase, and it bothered me just as much as it hurt me.
But before I could stop to think about it, it already occurred to me that time was ticking for every minute I stood in this midst of this dimension, and somehow…I knew for sure I wouldn't have long to stay here and try to guess who it was before I'd be walking in that dark realm again.
There had to be a reason why I'd been called back here once more, and I'd keep going until I fulfilled that very cause—even if I didn't quite understand…just what I was meant to do. At some point, I guess I'd be able to figure everything out…but that wouldn't be until then.
And so I backed away from the group of knights to walk down a different hallway and out of the castle.
~o~
Before long, I found myself in another room, filled with shelves of numerous books. Then I'd realized it to be a library, where I'd soon begun to hear murmuring from the other side of the room.
"A reading…from the book of John. Chapter 11…"
At that moment, I tiptoed closer from behind one of the book shelves to see two old men sitting at a desk nearby, one that looked to be that of the librarian's.
The elder sitting behind it had a large book open to a certain page out in front, reading the text that was on it with glasses over the rim of his nose.
"Now a man was ill, Lazarus from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. Mary was the one who had anointed the Lord with perfumed oil and dried his feet with her hair…"
Strange of him to be reading the Bible out loud in this instant, more so to the other man I'd recognized to be as familiar to me, too, a physician who was listening to the old librarian with his hands folded out on the desk, his expression somber like his friend's—although the spectacled one looked a lot more of a mess than he did. At first, I'd intended to leave after hearing the elder ramble on and on…
But that wasn't until I heard his voice falter all of a sudden under a choked whisper as he continued to read from the text—and that had caught my attention in an instant.
"…Master, the one you love is ill..." There was a sob. "Oh, my…"
Immediately, at that moment, I'd felt my whole body become rigid for a second, though I'd had absolutely no idea why in the instance. And for some reason, his pain had become mine for a second, my heart almost like it was being strangled from the inside out.
I found myself clutching my chest as tears began to roll down his cheeks. Then tears had started to fall from mine.
What the…
What…is this?
Another sob. "This illness is not to end in death, but is for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it…"
I exhaled sharply as my heart began to hurt, and I winced at the excruciating pain.
But right before he finished that sentence…I'd stiffened as soon as I'd heard those words.
Then all of a sudden…it had occurred to me.
~xXx~
"The one you love…has fallen sick."
~xXx~
I bit my lip, almost dropping to my knees.
Could it be…
The old librarian leaned forward and wept.
Oh my God. At that point, I think I was practically having a nervous breakdown as he began to cry bitterly. I swallowed, staring at the man with tear-stained eyes.
I watched the physician's gaze softened, and he leaned over to comfort the latter.
Thoughtlessly, my mouth parted open both with shock and bewilderment.
…who?
I took a deep breath, struggling as much as I could to compose myself.
That was when the physician took the Bible from his hands, reassuring him once more.
…and then he'd automatically turned around to look over in my direction.
I'd dare say that he of all people had probably been the only one who had actually bothered to turn around to notice me here in the room with them. Or better yet—he'd been the only one who could even see me at that moment, which was definitely weird for one like him. I still couldn't figure out why he caught my attention so much…
He'd held his breath and looked at me, eyes intent and weary. Then immediately from out of the blue, I'd felt a wave of recognizable warmth flow right through my body in that instant, which meant that he'd obviously been close to me before.
I stood with wide eyes, waiting for him to say or speak a word to me…so that I could know he'd acknowledged my presence.
However, in those few minutes…he had said nothing. Instead, he picked up the holy book himself and continued the passage—as if he had been reading directly to me.
What am I, a demon or something?
"Let us go back to Judea," the man I only knew to be Gaius had read out loud with pain hidden in his tone. "The disciples said to him, 'Rabbi, the Jews were just trying to stone you, and you want to go back there?'"
He paused, then continued to read. "…are there not twelve hours in a day? If one walks during the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world." He held his breath for a moment. "'But if one walks at night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.' He said this, and then told them, 'Our friend Lazarus is asleep, but I am going to awaken him.' So the disciples said to him, 'Master, if he is asleep, he will be saved.' But Jesus was talking about his death, while they thought that he meant ordinary sleep."
…was he trying to tell me something here?
The physician cleared his throat. "So then Jesus said to them clearly, 'Lazarus has died. And I am glad for you that I was not there, that you may believe. Let us go to him.' …now Bethany was near Jerusalem, only about two miles away. And many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them about their brother..."
At that moment, he glanced back over at me with sad eyes. "'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died…' Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise.'"
I swallowed again at that moment and continued to listen.
Gaius spoke a faltered voice. "'I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'" …when Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping, he became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Sir, come and see." And Jesus wept." His gaze grew intent in that instant and emphasis grew in his tone. "'See how he loved him.'"
Immediately, my eyes bulged with horror, more tears falling from my cheeks.
What the hell was just going on here? Why was I feeling so upset at that moment? I exhaled sharply, staring straight into my former guardian's eyes, then spoke above a hushed whisper.
"…help me… who is everyone getting so upset about?"
But the physician still didn't answer—and that was when the librarian began to sob.
In that instant, Gaius frowned, then turned away from me to comfort his old friend, speaking in a soft tone.
At that moment, I hung my head in defeat, literally crying my bloodshot eyes out for a reason unknown. And why…?
I couldn't take this. I couldn't take this anguish any longer—it was too much at one time.
Help…
However, there was a point where his voice started to escalate at the slightest—his words almost being inflicted towards me alone.
"I know that you loved him as much as we all did when he was alive. But we must be strong for him at this point, especially now that the King is in the greatest despair over the loss of his only son," he spoke in a dejected tone, lightly patting the other's back. "I know that you are in pain at this very moment, but this just hurts me as much as it hurts you, my old friend."
I held my breath as those words echoed in my head in that instant.
The King's only son…
My breath stilled in that instant, as a blurred vision of a laughing figure appeared in the very corner of my mind.
.
.
.
Him…
Almost immediately after that, it was like I'd just woken up from a dream. In less than a mere minute…it all had gradually begun to return to me, the missing pieces of the puzzle falling together once again.
An unclear image of a smiling blonde way back in the corners of my mind…but still left to be unnamed.
I swallowed, my eyes bulging with horror.
Geoffrey of Monmouth sniffled and hugged the physician back.
Then Gaius closed his eyes and spoke in a clear voice. "If it you would make you feel any better, we could visit him again in his chambers up on the second floor of the castle."
In that instant, I held my breath as I heard those words come out of my guardian's mouth.
He's trying to tell me where he is…
Now I realized…just who it was that died. I stood there for a moment—my eyes stricken—like I'd just been slapped across the face.
Him…
~xXx~
A flash of burning flames.
"Wait! Stop!"
…sapphire eyes filled with remorse and anguish.
~xXx~
The librarian let out another hacking sob, then slowly backed away from the court physician. "It's quite all right, dear Gaius. I've already seen enough."
I sucked in a gulp of air, exhaling uneasily with clenched fists on the floor.
Then after a while, I noticed Gaius look back at me with pained eyes.
Immediately, I bolted out of the room to go back through the castle's halls.
~o~
For that point on, I actually knew where I was going—which paths to take and which stairwells to walk up through. But then again, that wasn't the only part of my memory that was just returning to me recently.
I exhaled sharply as I passed a specific room and heard wailing from the inside.
Only then was I able to recognize the two that sat next to each other at the foot of the bed in the middle of the room.
Gwen…and Morgana…
I closed my eyes, then took a few steps inside to watch helplessly.
At that moment, Guinevere was sobbing, and Morgana held her close in comfort, speaking to her in a gentle, kind voice as if she were a child.
"Shh…it's okay, Gwen—everything's going to be all right." Even when it wasn't.
Morgana's breath wavered slightly in that instant as a lone tear fell from her pale cheek. Gwen only wailed even louder and moved even closer to her best friend.
I only stood there in silence, my eyes bloodshot and melancholy. How it hurt me that time to see the two of them grieving like this…
I hung my head and turned to leave the room, not wishing to hear any more from them. It was almost like—
That wasn't until all of a sudden, I felt warm arms wrap around my torso and heard a stifled sob.
At that moment, I froze where I was, and I slowly glanced back to see Gwen burying her face in my back.
At the same time, Morgana was looking at her with wide eyes of concern. "Gwen!"
I held my breath in that instant.
The girl behind me sniffled, then spoke in a hushed tone. "You…"
Immediately, my face grew rigid as Guinevere moved closer to me. "Gwen…" I exhaled in a choked whisper.
She sobbed, tightening her grip around me before I could say another word. "Don't even try denying it. I know it's you," she murmured quietly. "I can see you where you are right now."
The latter sniffled and sank to the ground so that she was kneeling at my feet, almost breaking my heart at that point.
Morgana stiffened, then got up from the bed. "Gwen…who are you talking to? There's no one there. You're seeing things."
I carefully turned around, my gaze shifting from the two of them each. So only Gwen could see me then…
At that moment, Gwen began to wail. "He never hated you. I swear to that now. He never hated you." She hugged me close. "Please…for the love of God…he needs you now more than he ever has. You have to help him…you're his only hope." She let out another sob. "You have to save him this instant…"
My jaw tightened as I listened to these words.
Sniffle. "Don't you dare—don't you dare leave again."
My eyes softened, and I knelt down beside her, caressing her cheek in the hopes of trying to comfort her. "Gwen…" I began softly.
But at that point, Morgana had already walked over towards us and brought Gwen to her feet, telling her that who she was seeing wasn't real.
"Oh, Gwen…" she wept, embracing her dearly.
Guinevere let out a sigh, then looked down at me with sad eyes as I stared back at her forlornly, searching for more words to say to her. But she stopped me just before I could tell her anything.
"He needs you," she mouthed out to me. "Go to him now."
In that instant, I paused and got up on my feet. Then she nodded once to me, and I left the room without another word.
~o~
So then it had all finally come to this—the moment I'd see him lying in his chambers with closed eyes, never to be opened again.
It made me wince to even think of the idea as I walked through the barren parts of this hallway.
It had only been a matter of time before I was only a few feet away from the door to his room. There had only been one thing—or being—standing between me and him.
The one person who had me tied to that stake in the first place…the source of every single bit of this.
At that moment, King Uther Pendragon could be seen with bloodshot eyes leaning against the wall—right next the very door to his beloved son's chambers.
To be frank, he looked the worst out of all the others right now. His cheeks were more than just stained with dried tears, shadows looming under his eyes—as if he hadn't slept for weeks. He stood there like an aged statue, staring up at the ceiling hopelessly as he clutched a small, snow-white handkerchief against his bosom.
At first, it'd made me feel good at that moment to see him suffer like this—to feel the excruciating pain that he should have deserved a long time ago…but then I reconsidered as I watched him shudder all of a sudden and heard him murmur despondently to the heavens above.
"Ygraine…I more than sincerely apologize to the utmost...his death is of my own doing…"
He let out a stifled sob, then spoke in a hushed voice.
"…just as yours was of mine—my own selfish beliefs…"
The man closed his eyes, his breath wavering for just a second.
"…and now I have lost our child of dear—lost to whatever lies in eternity. Hopefully you will be able to tend to his needs from this point forward—just as I had failed to do as a father…"
I winced, quietly stepping closer to him.
Uther slowly shook his head. "I'm such a fool—a fool to not see what was clear and what was not…" He paused for a moment. "…what was right—and what was wrong. To be blinded by a hatred for a force so powerful for so long…that I could no longer see those who I unintentionally harmed in that sick hatred…I am not worthy to take this throne as I do so now."
He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands, letting out a sigh. "…forgive me. Forgive me, my love…"
At that point, I was standing right next to him, watching him crumble both on the inside and the outside.
Then I closed my eyes as well, realizing how pitiful this man looked right now—and how he wasn't worth anything of the sort towards vengeance. More so…it would never be right, for another wrong would never once change the way things they were up to this point in time.
With that, I took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob, passing the broken Uther Pandragon.
And as I opened the door to step inside through the threshold, he raised his head from his hands to look up at the dim light with wide eyes and spoke absent-mindedly to blank emptiness as if he were an eccentric bedlam.
"…please—do what you must to save his soul."
In that instant, I exhaled sharply and slowly shut the door behind me.
~o~
The room…everything around me…was just as I'd remembered it before.
To my surprise, the floor was still clean, and the shelves were far from being disheveled, unlike what I'd used to expect for every time I'd ever walk into these chambers.
But the atmosphere was different—and the curtains were open to reveal the faint light from the dull grey clouds up in the sky…
Somber.
Melancholy.
And how I could never describe in words…my reaction when I saw him lying still in his bed a few feet away from me.
~o~
Immediately, I'd held my breath as I painfully stepped forward to approach the one that I'd…the one that I'd once…
…loved, the word echoed in my heart.
A lone tear had ran down the very side of my cheek.
His eyes were closed forever, lips immobile and stiff. As I'd expected, the face I'd once known to be full of life and self-righteousness…was now pale with ill-fated death—an eternal comatose.
I shuddered in that instant from seeing this before my very eyes. I'd felt limp at that moment, my mind going blank.
It hurt me even to just reach out and take his stiff hand, as cold and inert as it was—not a single pulse running right through it.
Just…nothing.
I closed my eyes, sinking to my knees, and let out a sigh as I put the latter's rigid hand to my forehead, giving it a slight squeeze.
My God…how could this happen?
Before I knew it, my mind had slowly begun to sink deep into thought—when all was quiet.
I let out a choked sob, biting my lip as I felt his hand against me.
How…and why?
Inhale.
Exhale.
He didn't deserve this fate at all from the beginning…he didn't…
An uneasy sigh, then another moment of dead silence.
"…"
Then…and only then…was I able to remember everything up to that point.
~xXx~
Laughter.
"Merlin!"
Chuckle.
"Hey!"
~xXx~
The image had slowly begun to clear up in my mind…revealing the person's distinct characteristics that I'd only found to be so recognizable…
That smile.
That face.
That look in his eyes that made you think for a second that you were being separated from the others around you, even though you really weren't…
All of it had soon faded away in a flash of light and disappeared—just as quickly as the memory had in the first place.
But not long after that, that was when…I'd seen those eyes clear as day in my head.
Big, sapphire blue eyes filled with anguish and regret…
~xXx~
"No!"
~xXx~
In that instant, I'd opened my own eyes, looking at the latter's face with a weary, forlorn countenance.
And then…I slowly shifted my hand along with his, so that both of our hands rested over the very top of his chest—above his heart that had ceased to beat for more than just a while ago.
Before I knew it…my head was already resting in the same spot—the only part of his body that had I'd hoped would retain at least some warmth for the past few days…
But there would only be nothing but silence from the moment forward.
At that moment, a lone tear had begun to roll down my right cheek as I tried once again to hold back another sob.
Not another word would be heard from him ever again—not even a single arrogant comment from his very mouth, which I never thought I'd say I'd miss.
Until now…
I swallowed, standing up on my feet to look down at the being that lay down before me, lifeless and still.
No…
I sniffled, wiping my face with my sleeve. This wasn't supposed to happen.
I closed my eyes and let out a sigh.
It's not his destiny to die like this…
…and so the words that Gaius and the old librarian had read from before now rang through the very corners of my mind.
"…"
~xXx~
"This illness is not to end in death…"
"…if he is asleep…then he will be saved."
~xXx~
In that instant, I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply, gazing at the latter's dull but fair face.
…God, of all things I could possibly think of now…all I'd wanted to do was wake him up—even if it meant giving him a well-deserved slap in the face so that he'd open his eyes to grab me by the shoulders and shake me senseless for the plain reason of doing so.
I wasn't even kidding—at that moment, I'd do anything for him to look at me one last time—to acknowledge my presence there at his side despite after all that we'd ever gone through in this past life.
.
.
To forgive me after all I'd done…
Silence.
Wake up…
But he wouldn't—never again.
I held back a choked sob, moving my hand to touch his cold cheek. Then I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
~xXx~
"Merlin! Merlin, come on! What the hell do you think you're doing?"
More laughter ringing through the depths of my mind, almost drowning me along with it.
~xXx~
More tears began to well up under my eyes. I…
~xXx~
"Merlin…"
"You idiot!"
.
.
"Come now—no man is ever worth your tears."
A brief minute of silence.
"…yeah."
"…"
"...you're certainly not."
~xXx~
I lay motionless at his side after that moment—my hand still caressing the latter's face.
At that point, I could have sworn I could hear his voice now, resounding in the corners of my head in a soft, hushed whisper.
~xXx~
"I can't believe you've deceived me, Merlin—after all that we've been through together…"
"Merlin…hold on a second."
.
.
"I…"
~xXx~
In that instant…I opened my eyes again—and found my face just inches away from his.
I held my breath immediately and let out a sharp exhale.
…then I swallowed and spoke to him in a quiet voice.
"You…"
I paused for a moment.
"I know…that I've already hurt you—so much that I couldn't possibly begin to think of it. More so…than all the other times…you've ever gone so far to hurt me."
I shivered a little from the cold, then continued, scrutinizing my gaze on his closed eyes.
"…and I betrayed you before when I truly never meant to in the first place—and almost even forgot your name ever since…"
I paused for a moment to close my eyes…then opened them to let another tear roll down my right cheek, glittering under the faint dim light.
My breath stilled for a brief instant.
"But then again…despite all that I've just said…" I murmured, slightly turning the other's head.
I lowered my eyes.
"…we did use to spend a lot of time together…didn't we?"
No answer.
In that instant, I took another deep breath, then looked once more into his light, flawless complexion with intent eyes.
But now I need to wake you up.
"…"
A few more minutes passed, and the room was as still as it could be. Not another soul drifting about through anywhere else…or when.
It was as if…time had begun to slow for a moment.
Your destiny shouldn't lie in death like this.
"Wake up…"
Before I realized what was going on at that point…my lips were already molded up against his.
And for once, to tell you the truth…I can't tell you how much I'd felt at peace in that instant. With his tender lips gently touching mine…
Another faint tear ran down the side of my face, and I let out a small sigh, closing my eyes once more.
…wake up.
.
.
A soft exhale, then a pause.
Please. Please wake up…
.
.
But nothing had changed—for he was still unresponsive—cold as the snow that had begun to fall outside the window…
I held my breath, and began to cry.
.
.
But after a few more minutes…I thought I'd felt a faint heartbeat from just below my other hand, sprawled right across his broad chest.
Ba-boom.
Immediately, my whole body stilled. At first, I thought that maybe it was just my imagination, but…
His hand had slightly squeezed mine.
~o~
Before I could open my eyes to see what was going on, I'd already felt cool hands holding my face, those same lips pressing closer to return mine…
And then I'd realized that it was him—his cool breath ghosting just beneath my chin.
For a moment, I'd come to believe that I was dreaming, as I sank deep into the irreplaceable warmth I was feeling right now, both on the inside…and on the outside.
He'd let out a small sigh, then slightly pulled away to speak above a hushed whisper, looking at me with childlike eyes.
"…Merlin."
I stiffened where I was as his unwavering voice reached my very ears, my heart almost skipping a beat in an instant.
And then…his name had finally left my lips in a much even quieter tone.
"...Arthur…"
The latter chuckled, gingerly rubbing his thumb against my cheeks.
I sniffled, then spoke again with a faltering voice, my eyes still closed to him.
"…is it really you?"
Silence.
I swallowed, taking a deep breath. For once, I didn't know what to say at that moment.
But that wasn't until words began to automatically begin pouring from the very base of my throat.
"I…I'm…"
The Prince laughed softly, gently brought my head back even more so that he was able to look right at me.
And only then did I open my eyes at that point…to see big, sapphire-shining eyes staring right back, glimmering with that same recognizable light.
In that instant, I froze right where I was, my mouth hanging speechless as I was taken aback by all this.
But before I could say another word, Arthur had already begun to chuckle again, pressing his forehead up against mine, so that we were looking straight into each other's gaze.
"…you idiot."
I stared at him with innocent eyes, softening as he smiled kindly at me.
"Arthur…I—"
He put his finger over my lips as I tried to speak, then spoke, in such a clear tone…words that I never would have expected him to say to me all my life.
He placed his hand over my cheek, and I held his instinctively, tears welling up under my eyes.
"You of all people should know by now…that no matter what happened between us now and then… "
His gaze softened upon mine as he leaned over to rest his chin on my shoulder.
"There's absolutely no way that I could ever go anywhere in this world…"…without you to be there with me." He closed his eyes, his voice almost a whisper.
"I'm glad that you're here…Merlin."
At that moment, my heart began to feel light as he sighed against the side of my neck.
Then our eyes locked directly at each other for all but one more time…aqua to aqua.
"Arthur…" I murmured softly as I gazed tiredly into his bright blue irises.
The Prince of Camelot chuckled lightly, then held me close to press his lips against mine,
I closed my eyes, then let out a content sigh as the light from the window began to grow stronger, surrounding the two of us where we were that instant.
~o~
Notes from the KIT-chan~
Well…that's it. ^^"
.
.
Haha…think I feel a little better now. TwT I truly commend you if you've come to read this far. ^_^"; But back to the story. XD
Purposefully, I left some parts ambiguous—for you to interpret the story as you could possibly want to. So yeah—there is no "It should have been…" or "I think she meant to write that as…"
No—your imagination and your thoughts alone for this one. n_n" I hope you enjoyed reading this, though, if you haven't already cried your eyes out like me (the sap here)… *sniffles*
Damn it—why do I have to keep having dreams like this every now and then? I'm such a derp… X"D
*clears throat and composes herself* Sorry about that—moving on…
Really, I didn't get to think this one through as much as I wanted to, and the OOC may or may not have been a bit more than what I'd approve of, but...eh. ._.
Reviews would be helpful~ ^_^";
.::.*~Kitsune Shadow~*.::.