By Your Side
"Regina, you look exhausted." Snow reached out and held Regina's hand. Everyone had only just arrived back in Storybrooke after their seperate trips to New York and The Land of Untold Stories. "Have you slept at all these past few weeks?" Snow was concerned. She understood Regina was suffering still, and hadn't had time to grieve for Robin. "Why don't you go home and sleep? Everyone is ok here. You don't need to stay."
"I'm fine" Regina said, followed by a yawn. Snow looked at Regina, unconvinced. "Ok, fine, I'll go. Just promise you will call me if you need me?" Snow nodded and squeezed Regina's hand.
Once she was home, Regina was ecstatic to see her bed. She wasted no time jumping into it and pulling the soft, warm sheets over her cold body. Only something was different. Something wasn't right. Robin wasn't lying next to her. Regina inhaled deeply as the realisation hit her. She was alone.
"Oh..." Regina tried to hold back the tears. I have to be strong, she thought to herself. He would want me to be strong. But the pain was too much to bear and she began to cry, unable to stop. As the tears flowed, Regina sat up and looked around the room. Had it always been this big? Had it always been this empty? She was so overwhelmed with emotion, this was the first time she had truly been alone since Robin's death. It had been a couple of weeks now, but Regina hadn't slept a wink. Her mind had been in overdrive, she had given all of her attention to finding Henry, there had been no time or desire to rest. Snow was right to think that Regina hadn't grieved fully for the loss of Robin.
Almost two hours passed, and Regina sat in the corner of her bedroom, still sobbing. She had found one of Robin's shirts in the closet and was holding it to her face, inhaling any remaining scents of him. She was exhausted, completely worn out, but unable to even fathom any idea of sleep. "I need to be with you." Regina said through the tears. "I need you by my side."
Regina pulled herself to her feet. She put on Robin's shirt, looked in the mirror and wiped away her smudged make-up. She grabbed her car keys and left the house. By the time she arrived at the Cemetery, the sun had set and no one was there. Perfect, she thought. It was a calm evening, but a cold one, and Regina had forgotten her coat. She wrapped her arms around herself, stroking the shirt she was wearing, and thinking of him. And that was when she saw it.
Regina stopped in her tracks. The grief and guilt hit her all at once, for she had not been to his grave since the funeral. Slowly, she walked over to the site, and fell to her knees. "I'm so sorry" she sobbed. "Please forgive me." She reached out and put her hand on the gravestone. "Robin, I miss you so much. This isn't fair, it should have been me. Why did you do this?" Regina was hysterical now, the tears kept coming and she was struggling to catch her breath. She couldn't believe this was happening again. She couldn't believe she had lost yet another person so dear to her. Another soulmate. "Please come back. Please." Regina slumped against the gravestone, practically hugging it. She was covered in dirt, but she didn't care. For now, Regina had no more words, jut tears, and they kept on coming.
Eventually, Regina was numb. She had no more tears to cry, no more pain to feel, at least not tonight. Her exhaustion had finally caught up with her. Still sitting up against Robin's gravestone, Regina whispered "I love you" and closed her eyes.
She awoke the next morning, blinded by the sunrise. It took a minute for Regina to realise where she was, but she soon remembered. Shit. She jumped up and patted herself down, trying to get the dirt off her clothes. With a quiet sigh, Regina patted the gravestone of the man she loves. "Thank you." She smiled. "Let's do this again some time." Regina chuckled to herself. She was heartbroken but for the first time, she accepted that it was ok to be upset. It was ok to feel sad and angry. "I'll never forget you. And I will come and visit as often as this stupid town and it's disasters let me. I promise. Oh, and i'm keeping this." Regina stroke the fabric of Robin's shirt. She kissed her fingertips and placed them next to the name on the gravestone. "Goodbye, thief."
As she walked back to her car, Regina remembered that she had agreed to take Henry for breakfast at Granny's this morning. I'm so glad he didn't see me like this, she thought to herself. But Regina smiled, for it became clear that although she had felt alone, she was not. She had Henry. She had her friends. Robin had left a huge hole in her life, in her heart, but Regina had so much love and support from everyone else. Why had it taken her so long to realise that? I will be ok. They will help me to get me through this. Regina opened her car door and looked back towards Robin's grave. A tear fell down her cheek and she was quick to wipe it away. Right, time for breakfast.