by Mark C. Chicca
*Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo does not belong to me. It belongs to AIC and Pioneer, and I am using the characters without permission. No infringement of copyright is intended.*
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SCENE: The Masaki family room, Christmas Eve. Everyone is gathered around to sing carols. The chaos begins.
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TENCHI - Okay, everyone. It's time to sing Christmas carols. Are we all here?
RYOKO - I'm ready and willing, Tenchi!
AYEKA - I'm here, Lord Tenchi!
WASHU - Yeah, I'm here too.
SASAMI - ::giggles:: Ryo-Ohki's gonna help me!
KIONE - ::looks around:: Where's that idiot? Mihoshi's missing.
MIHOSHI - ::pops out of the tree, tangled in Christmas lights:: I'm okay, everyone! ::struggles:: Oh ... hold on ... oh ... ouch! My arm! Ummmm ....
KIONE - ::rolls her eyes:: Moron.
TENCHI - Now that we're all here, let's get started. I thought we could sing, "The Twelve Days of Christmas." You know the words, right?
On the first say of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
a partridge in a pear tree.
RYOKO - A partridge? What's that?
TENCHI - It's, well ... some kind of bird, I think.
RYOKO - I don't wanna sing about some kind of bird. I wanna sing about yoooou, Tenchi. ::hangs on him::
AEKA - ::pushes Ryoko away:: How rude, Miss Ryoko! Tenchi has invited us to share in his Christmas tradition, and here you are complaining. Why don't you make up your own lyrics, if you dislike these so much?
RYOKO - Fine, little princess, I WILL!
AEKA - Fine by me!
BOTH - Grrrrrrrrr!!!
TENCHI - Um, okay. ::sweatdrops:: So, shall we begin?
RYOKO - Sure thing, Tenchi. ::clears her throat::
On the first day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me ...
AEKA - Wait just one moment, Ryoko! What do you mean by YOUR Tenchi?!
RYOKO - You said to make up my own words!
AEKA - That is NOT what I meant!
RYOKO - Priss!
AEKA - Demon!
BOTH - Grrrrr!!
TENCHI - Please, just sing!
RYOKO - Fine.
On the first day of Christmas,
MY TENCHI gave to me,
a hot, steamy passionate kiss!
AEKA - Hold it right there! That's going too far! It doesn't even rhyme!
KIONE - Let Sasami start.
SASAMI - Yay!
On the first day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
a bag of carrots for Ryo-Ohki!
TENCHI - That's very good, Sasami.
RYOKO - My turn!
On the second day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
two steamy balls --
TENCHI - ::turns bright red:: RYOKO!!!
RYOKO - ::innocently:: What? I meant the gems on your sword.
AEKA - You liar! ::growls::
RYOKO - Two steamy balls, and a bag of carrots for Ryo-Ohki! ::smirks::
SASAMI - Your turn, Aeka!
AEKA -
On the third day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
three friendly hugs --
RYOKO - ::bursts into wild laughter:: THREE FRIENDLY HUGS?!!
AEKA - Three friendly hugs ... two ... two ... ::her voice trails off:: ... and a bag of carrots for Ryo-Ohki!
RYOKO - Whoa, princess. What happened to the middle?
AEKA - ::blushes:: I'm not a vulgar demon like you, Ryoko.
RYOKO - Ohh, c'mon, say it. You know you wanna.
AEKA - I positively do not "wanna."
RYOKO - Say it, say it! Steamy balls!
AEKA - ::turning red:: Stop it this instant, Ryoko!
RYOKO - Balls! Balls! Balls!
AEKA - Ryoko, I mean it!
RYOKO - Steamy balls!
AEKA - TWO STEAMY BALLS!! THERE, ARE YOU SATISFIED?!!
RYOKO - ::smirks::
TENCHI - ::sweatdrops::
AEKA - ::blushes:: My sincere apologies for that outburst, Lord Tenchi.
TENCHI - No problem. ::fidgets nervously::
AEKA - ::meekly:: And a bag of carrots for Ryo-Ohki.
WASHU - ::grins:: Stand back, fellas.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
four paradoxal dimensions parallel to our own in the space-time continuum, as detailed by Kellinski in his study of experimental interdimensional travel and its effects on reality, utilizing the theory of alternate timelines,
three friendly hugs,
two steamy balls,
and a bag of carrots for Ryo-Ohki!
EVERYONE - ::blinks::
WASHU - What?
MIHOSHI - ::struggles with the tree lights:: Ooooh! Can I go next?
TENCHI - Be my guest. ::sweatdrops::
MIHOSHI - Oooooh, ummm ...
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
five dill pickles,
four ... para-dox-ial dimension space-time continu-vaccuums ...??
WASHU - Paradoxal dimensions parallel to our own in the space-time continuum.
MIHOSHI - Yeah, that.
RYOKO - Dill pickles? ::blinks::
KIONE - Don't ask. I guess I'll go next.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
one brand new partner!
RYOKO - Wait, Kione. It's supposed to be five of something.
KIONE - ::glances at Mihoshi:: One is enough.
MIHOSHI - ::trips over a strand of Christmas lights:: Huuuh? What, Kione?
KIONE - Nevermind. Go get a Christmas cookie.
MIHOSHI - Oooh, cookies, yay!
RYOKO - My turn!
AEKA - You already had your turn, Ryoko!
RYOKO - So? There's no one else left.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me --
RYO-OHKI - Miiiya mrrreow meown meow!!
SASAMI - ::giggles:: Ryo-Ohki made up her own words!
RYOKO - ::glares at the cabbit:: Hey! That was my turn!
AEKA - ::smirks:: Too bad, Ryoko!
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my Tenchi gave to me,
eight diamond engagement rings --
RYOKO - WHAT?! Tenchi, make her stop!
AEKA - If you can say balls, I can say engagement rings!
RYOKO - Don't think I don't see what you're doing! You're trying to trick Tenchi into marrying you! Well, you won't get away with it, sister!
AEKA - Really, I don't know WHAT you're insinuating! I would never try to decieve Lord Tenchi ...
RYOKO - Yeah right, you snobby bitch!
AEKA - Devil woman!
RYOKO - ::gathers her energy:: You wanna fight?!
AEKA - Azaka! Kamidake!
AZAKA and KAMIDAKE - ::appear::
RYOKO - Oooh, not the logs. I'm so scared. ::growls:: I'm gonna kill you, Aeka!
AEKA - You wouldn't dare, Ryoko!
RYOKO - Try me!
BOTH - Grrrrrr!!
KIONE - ::to Tenchi:: Maybe we should quit while we're ahead.
TENCHI - ::nods, defeated::
SASAMI - Anyone for eggnog?
--------------- The End -------------------