Voyagers!

If The Gloves Fit

Phineas Bogg and Jeffrey Jones rested on green park benches and munched on large hot dogs with all the toppings and greasy potato chips. They washed it down with cold cans of soda. It was a pure junk food treat that Jeffrey missed and Phineas occasionally allowed himself to indulge in whenever they made pit-stop voyages to Jeffrey's home of New York City.

Jeffrey had asked to be taken to Brooklyn during the Spring of 1970, the last year on Phineas' omni. He had a sudden urge to tour the picturesque Botanical Gardens; his mother's favorite place to visit.

It wasn't a voyage, but rather a breather after one of their toughest assignments yet – saving president Lincoln from abduction by Confederate spies, and having their omni stolen by a pickpocket gang in Victorian England. The gang inspired young Charles Dickens to write his famous novel, Oliver Twist. Jeffrey thought it was cool they shared the same names as the characters…because he'd told Dickens all about their ring of thieves. Bogg was confident that Jeffrey himself was the inspiration for bright-eyed, innocent "Oliver."

Jeffrey enjoyed these quiet moments with Phineas and the chance to know him better. Phineas Bogg was a vibrant and energetic young man, bursting with charm and a uniquely honed time-traveling wisdom that Jeffrey would never have picked up from his school textbooks. The Voyager often misconstrued facts and dates, but he never failed to amuse Jeffrey with historical anecdotes thrown at him on the sly, in the midst of an assignment.

On the Lincoln voyage, Phineas tricked beautiful Confederate spy Jane Phillips into believing he was her Rebel escort and partner for the abduction. Phineas boasted to Jeffrey that he did Wednesday Matinees for the famed Russian dancer, Nijinsky, then went on to prove his dancing prowess in a never-ending series of waltzes with Jane to gain her trust.

Jeffrey sat cross-legged on the bench, facing Phineas. He tossed the paper wrapping from his hot dogs into a nearby garbage pail.

"All right! Two points!"

Phineas laughed. "Not bad, kid! Watch this one." He crushed the soda can in his hand, closed his eyes, and flung it over shoulder, landing it dead center into the pail.

Jeffrey clapped. "Awesome! Let me guess, you played for the Harlem Globetrotters too?"

"Not sure who they are, but I've been known to toss the old pigskin around." Phineas bragged.

Jeffrey rolled his eyes. "Bogg, a pigskin is for football, what you just did was basketball."

Phineas chuckled embarrassed. "Oh, yeah…I knew that, sometimes I have to keep you on your historical toes, kid."

Jeffrey playfully punched him. "Yeah, right!"

Phineas smiled and stretched his arms behind his head to absorb the warmth. "This was a nice idea, Jeff. It really gives meaning to the term, 'Take time to smell the roses.' I'm glad no allergies kicked in. Hey, there's a fine lady in sailor pants is coming this way."

Jeffrey peered at the woman. "Those aren't sailor pants, they're bell-bottoms…and you better not look too long, she's got a man with her…a very big one!"

Phineas couldn't help himself. The attractive blonde-haired woman puckered her rosy lips and posed for a picture in one of the many white vestibules aside a bed of pink and purple tulips. He caught her eye and winked with a disarming smile. The woman's eyes widened and she nearly tripped over her platform shoes and giggled profusely, ruining the picture. Phineas looked away quick and bent down to adjust his boots when her boyfriend turned his head in his direction, annoyed.

Jeffrey stifled laughter. "Bogg, I don't know how you do it. One look and they're hooked."

Phineas cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "Mind you, it's all in the reflexes."

"Heh! Which ones?"

"Hey! C'mon, lighten up, kid. I'm having a little fun. No harm, no foul, right?"

"Right, but I don't want you to get pounded. That guy's a biker, look at his leather and chains." Jeffrey pointed out.

"Meh! I've seen more terrifying sorts in the dark ages, even wore the get up myself. Have you ever held a Morningstar? Try holding two and wearing seventy-five pounds of chainmail on your chest!"

Phineas stared around the gardens again. "If this is Brooklyn, a lot of the people I met on my earliest voyages are buried here in one of the most famous cemeteries in the world."

"You mean, Green-Wood Cemetery? You're right, there's hundreds of historical figures. Okay, name one."

"A challenge, huh? You're on, smart kid. L.M Gottschalk."

Jeffrey wrinkled his brow at the unfamiliar name, but tried not to let his uncertainty show. Phineas caught on and poked him.

"Got ya! I finally know someone you don't! Ha ha ha ha ha!" He teased in a sing-song voice.

"Look, Bogg, I'm only twelve, ya can't expect me to know every obscure person that passes through…"

Phineas shook his head with a tsk tsk noise. "Obscure? Louis Moreau would be highly offended! When he was sixteen-years old he played for Chopin, and Chopin predicted he'd become "The king of Pianists." He was right; Gottschalk was a hit in America during the mid-nineteenth century. Some call him the forerunner of rag-time and he wrote nearly all his own compositions."

"What was his style like?"

"He was originally from New Orleans. He had this sweet combo of Creole, black, minstrel, South American…Spanish, mariachi, West Indian and Cuban." Phineas counted off. "All blended."

"All that old-time piano music sounds the same to me." Jeffrey shrugged. "Okay, so you know one guy. Tell me about the voyage."

"You really wanna hear it?"

"Why not, I got two minutes."

"Jeffrey!"

"Kidding, Bogg."

Phineas raised a leg up and shifted comfortably on the bench. He grinned. "If you think I'm bad with the ladies, you should've seen Louis, that man had them swooning in the aisles."

"Figures you'd know a guy like that." Jeffrey laughed.

"Hey, don't compare, I was a rascal in my days but this guy put the 'play' in 'playboy'. He never married, and men all over the country threatened him for ruining the 'morality of their wives with his good-looks and matinee-idol status.' "

"That's what always happens with beefcake hunks. I've seen enough in those stupid teen magazines the girls read in school, blech! I don't know what they see in those mugs anyway. All the twinkly-dinkly eyes, super tight jeans, and silly headshots." Jeffrey muttered.

Phineas nudged him in the ribs. "Jealous, are we?"

"No way! I wouldn't want a million girls gaga over me. It'd weird me out."

"It's disarming, but it's a little fun if kept in its proper place."

Jeffrey stared at him. "You talk like it happened to you."

Phineas grinned. "That's part of my story. I'm getting there! So, anyway, back then I grew a walrus mustache to fit in. Ya should've seen it! I don't know how men ate and drank with those bushy things. All day I wiped crumbs off it, combed it, stroked it, they even had all these scented oils to keep it tame. The ladies of the time didn't mind so much…" Phineas drifted off wistfully and Jeffrey snapped in his face.

"Bogg, I get it, you had a 'stache, the woman liked it, now get on with the story…please."

"Okay, okay! Louis was handsome, the gals loved his 'heavy-lidded, puppy dog eyes', and of course he had talent to match. He was kinda over-dramatic for my tastes. He was intelligent and spoke five languages fluently! That's how I first experimented with the omni functions and learned how it translated world languages. I matched him word for word and then some, it was…awesome!" Phineas laughed.

"Did Louis get jealous of you?"

"He might've been, considering I invented something history gives him complete credit for. I didn't get to spend much time with him though. He had a hectic world touring lifestyle that caught up to him, he died at forty-years old in Brazil."

"Wow, that's sad. How did you meet him?"

"It was in…uhh… 1853. He was twenty-five and he'd started a brief U.S. tour. He performed at a bunch of little music halls around California and it wore him down. I don't know why I landed there, but I kinda figured it out after I was literally chased out of the city of San Francisco that night. They would've killed the guy…I mean me!"

Jeffrey broke into a fit of laughter. "Hahaha! I could just see it now! Like a Frankenstein movie. All the angry husbands with clubs and torches trying to run you out because you're too handsome!"

"Heh, maybe. It wasn't a long voyage, I think I was there for a couple of hours tops, but I shook in my boots and performed before a live audience! Not to mention Louis was scheduled to play an early version of his very difficult Tarantella with a full orchestra. My fingers wanted to fall off and I think I wanted to pass out. This Tarantella was over eight minutes long."

Jeffrey looked at him surprised. "Wow. I didn't know you played the piano."

Phineas cracked his knuckles. "Sure, I'm very good at it too."

"I'll believe it when I hear it."

Phineas stood with an idea. "Then why don't we hear it? Let's go back to 1853 and watch my performance, and you can judge for yourself."

Jeffrey looked up dumbfounded. "What? We can do that? We can run into ourselves in the past?"

"Uhh…technically, yes, but Voyager Headquarters is strict about field workers avoiding it. It could cause some kind of drastic time flux."

"Cool! Then what, the universe will explode in a billion particles?" Jeffrey wondered.

"Gee, kid, not that drastic."

"Oh. Forget it. We don't wanna get in trouble."

Phineas pulled him to his feet. "Where's your sense of adventure? We'll be in the back seats the whole time just watching me sweat it out. Let's go!"

San Francisco, 1853

Twenty-year old Phineas Bogg peeked out of the red and gold curtains at the growing swarm of Gottschalk's admirers. He was particularly impressed with the bevy of beauties that filled up the first few rows. They clutched their handbags and skirts in giddy anticipation for this concert, chattering amongst themselves and ignoring their own disgruntled husbands and dates.

Phineas drew back and took a few deep breaths. Voyager School didn't necessarily prepare him for stuff like this, but they warned students to be ready for any potential situation.

He peeked in the mirror behind him to make sure he truly looked the part. His shaggy, dirty blonde hair was neatly combed and parted in an array of wings, swirls, and rolls. It appeared darker after some coffee staining and a scented pomade that gave it the "wet" look. He dabbed a little more of the coffee goop to color and tame his mustache. Smudges of theatrical makeup darkened his eyelids and under his eyes, giving him Gottschalk's drowsy, yet alluring features.

Phineas looked at his hands, his fingers itched in the white gloves and they were too tight, but every respectable pianist of the era wore them. He cracked his knuckles over and over to remove the tension and impatiently tapped his feet, waiting for his cue. Louis was still sick in his dressing room, most likely doubled over a slop bucket.

A few hours earlier, Phineas had nearly landed in Gottschalk's vomit mess. Louis was so out of it he didn't even bat an eye. Once he got over the hangover pains with Phineas' help, Gottschalk admitted that he'd been involved in a long night of drinking and revelry. Phineas knew there was no way this man could perform to a crowd of hundreds.

After convincing Gottschalk he had a smidgen of talent on the piano, he agreed to Phineas' wild idea to let him take his place onstage. He didn't care if the other young man messed up too much, the women loved him no matter how well he played and he didn't expect to stay long in America. Gottschalk much preferred the far-flung islands and Hispanic countries.

The stage manager came up behind Phineas and shoved him forward. "You've been preening in front of that mirror too long. Come on, Gotts! You're on now! Don't ruin us!"

"Yes, I'm going, I'm going!" Phineas muttered. He pulled at his high, white collar from the sudden tightness around his throat and stumbled forward.

At the rear of the theater, Jeffrey tugged on his Phineas' shirtsleeve and pointed to a few empty seats. "Quick, grab those! It's a full house!"

The Voyagers hurried to the seats just as the the curtains opened. Phineas stared amazed at the familiar stage, complete with a small orchestra and a shiny, black grand piano in the center. His heart thudded as he remembered the night.

"Okay, here I come." He whispered.

They watched enthralled as a young man hunkered out, attempting gracefulness in his step. Jeffrey snorted a laugh.

"Bogg you always have that funny walk, a cross between a duck and a football player. Side-to-side, a real spring in your step." Jeffrey couldn't resist imitating him and Phineas pulled him back to his seat and frowned.

"So, I'm a slightly bowl-legged. But I do not walk like a duck!"

"Seeing is believing and I see it. Or maybe I should just say, 'If the flippers fit!" Jeffrey grinned.

Phineas pretended to swat him. "Smart kids give me a pain! Watch the show!"

Jeffrey laughed again as the young Phineas on stage flicked his coat tails with bluster and sat before the piano. He adjusted his seat so much, the scraping noises echoed across the entire theater, sending twitters and giggles throughout the audience. Young Phineas smiled nervously and shrugged. He raised his hands and realized he couldn't play until he removed the gloves.

The audience chuckled louder.

Phineas nudge Jeffrey's shoulder. "Watch carefully, this is it, history in the making."

Young Phineas on stage fiddled with his gloves, then realized hundreds of eyes were upon him and straightened up tall. He smiled and winked, much to the delight of the women up front. He tugged delicately on the fabric with an air of nonchalance, pulling one glove-finger off at a time. The audience couldn't contain their enthusiasm and laughed and clapped.

Jeffrey turned to his partner. "That! You created that? I've seen Bugs Bunny do the same thing on Loony Tunes!"

"It's not my fault, I had to make it look good up there. It became a Gottschalk trademark before every performance. I wanted to tear those gloves off and stomp on them; they practically constricted my blood flow! That's why it took me so long to get them off…oh, watch this!" He pointed. "Here's best part."

Jeffrey shook his head. "It's been like ten minutes already and you still haven't tinkered any ivories. You're totally stalling."

Just as young Phineas was about to place the gloves on top of the piano, Shrill screams of delight broke out from the audience. Jeffrey nearly toppled off his chair hysterical laughing as a gaggle of female admirers stormed the stage and dove for his gloves. Young Phineas was so startled that he fell down. He crawled backwards with the gloves still in his hands, narrowly missing a dive into the orchestra pit.

"Now, now ladies! I'll be available for autographs much later! Here…catch!" He bellowed. He chuckled at the sighs and exhalations from the women in the first row when they heard his deep and bass tone of voice.

The group scrambled for his gloves. Two buxom women, one dressed in green velvet, the other in peach ruffles, each took a dive and they both grabbed one. The rest trudged off the stage disappointed to their mortified husbands and the stagehands had to come out and drag the two swooning women off when they'd attempted to kiss Phineas. He shrugged, waved, and blew them kisses as he resumed his place at the piano.

"Now! the show must go on!" He announced to the stunned audience and nodded embarrassed toward the irate conductor.

The Phineas on stage was as ready as he'd ever be and he adjusted the music notes. He barely had time to practice backstage with Gottschalk. The conductor glowered at him and struck up the orchestra whether he was ready or not. Phineas kept his head down and his wide eyes glued to the keys. He counted the intro seconds off in his head. At precisely one minute and twenty-one seconds, he brought his hands to the keys and let the music flow.

For the next half-hour Jeffrey sat hushed and amazed seeing his partner bring down the house with rousing and lively piano ditties and compositions he'd never heard. He noticed Phineas playing 'air piano' as he intently followed along next to him.

The audience couldn't get enough of this young virtuoso and by the end, gave him a long and thunderous standing ovation and tossed flowers and coins.

"Man! That was awesome! You rocked the house! When you said you could play, I didn't realize you were that good! Why don't you ever tell me these things?"

Phineas grinned modestly. "You never ask and we never get time to talk like this. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, it's always work, work, work."

Phineas led Jeffrey out of the theater to beat the crowds. Jeffrey looked back, but young Phineas had already fled the stage.

"That was quick! What happened after that?"

A blush crept to Phineas' cheeks. "When I got to Louis' dressing room, he'd already went back to his hotel for the night. He left me a note of congratulations and his last bottle of wine to celebrate. He loved the glove trick too. The woman in the green dress knocked at my door."

"Oh no! The crazy fan with the glove. What did she want?" Jeffrey sighed.

Phineas flicked his hair and shrugged. "She wanted to meet the master in person. She was an attractive lady, rosy cheeks, brown hair, green eyes, though much older than me. The moment I opened up she shoved me inside and locked it." Phineas recalled.

"Yikes! How'd you worm your way out of that one?"

"She was very persuasive…uhh…anyway…I had the green light and it was time to scoot, so I had to deny her. A gang of men banged down my door off the hinge in a fit of rage, and the leader was her husband."

"Uh oh! Did you get a beat down?" Jeffrey pressed him.

"No way! You think I stuck around? I jumped out the window, but I didn't even check how high it was, and nearly broke my collarbone. They chased me like mad until I finally remembered I had the omni and made a real escape. It was a pretty close call. The real Louis got out safely…but as history tells it, the women went crazy for him and he was chased."

The Voyagers passed a giant poster outside the theater with a likeness of Gottschalk and a piano beneath his portrait. Jeffrey stared at it quizzically.

"No wonder it was you they went nuts over, that guy looks like a cross between Edgar Allen Poe, Albert Einstein, and…Grouch Marx."

"Each a very dapper man in his own way." Phineas corrected him. "Up until the turn of the century most of these old photos never did a person justice. The lighting was harsh, it took a long time to get the actual shot, and you couldn't move one facial muscle or else the photographer had to start all over again. Not to mention, teeth never photographed well in the early days. Trust me, he was handsome in person. Very deep eyes."

"I guess so. You'd think no one ever smiled or had fun in the past by looking at those pictures."

"Oh, Louis had lots of fun."

"Sure, sure." Jeffrey rolled his eyes.

As they reached a corner, the Voyagers heard loud shouts. Phineas pulled Jeffrey under a storefront awning. They hunkered in the shadows, watching young Phineas sprint by, gripping his shoulder in pain. The men rounded the corner a few seconds later.

"You rotten scoundrel! You think it's fun to destroy the purity of our women? We will dash you to pieces!" The husband of the amorous fan shouted.

Jeffrey looked up worried at Phineas. "Are you sure you don't need any help?"

"Nahh, look, I make it."

Younf Phineas came to a dead end. At first he attempted to climb the walls.

"No! You have an omni, Bogg. Use it!" Jeffrey whispered urgently and Phineas patted his shoulders.

After failing to get over the top from the pain, young Phineas finally realized he held an important, life saving tool. He gripped his omni and arbitrarily turned the dials. Jeffrey quietly cheered.

"I'd love to stay and shoot the breeze, but I gotta go!" He shouted at the gang and disappeared.

Jeffrey came out from under the awning. "Whew! Glad that's over! Let's get back to the field."

Phineas opened the omni. "Yeah, time for us to go."

"You know, Bogg, I really liked this trip. You have any more Green-Wood Cemetery stories?"

Phineas nodded. "I'm sure I can dig up…a…few" He faltered, remembering that Jeffrey recently lost his parents to tragic deaths. He patted his shoulder. Jeffrey didn't notice his insensitive pun.

"I sure do, Jeff. I'll be happy to share them with you when…"

"There he is! I see him at the bakery! After him! How did he change disguises so fast?" The men yelled. They pounded the pavement and surged forward with oaths and threats.

Jeffrey grabbed Phineas' arm frightened. "Bogg hit it! Break time's really over!"

Phineas and Jeffrey disappeared in the blink of an eye, leaving the men to scatter about mystified until they finally gave up the fruitless search for the passionate musician.

The Voyagers landed back on the bench in Botanical Gardens, just a few moments after their original departure. Jeffrey laughed.

"Bogg, we have to do this again! I like seeing you fumble through history."

"Fumble? I did pretty darn well on my voyages before you fell into my life, kid." He stared at his young partner with fatherly affection. "But it's a lot more fun to share them with you now."

Jeffrey stood up. "Thanks, Bogg. That was neat. Next time, we'll go across the street to the Prospect Park Zoo for lunch and you can tell me some more. I…I like hearing your stories."

Phineas perked up. "Really?"

"Yeah. There's never a dull moment with ya, is there?"

Phineas grinned and stood. "Nope. Never. Now I'm in the mood to play the piano."

"Who knows, maybe on this next voyage we'll help Beethoven? Little Mozart?"

"Maybe! Latch on, kid."

Jeffrey gripped his arm and the Voyagers took off into the cosmos, refreshed and excited for their next adventure.