Go Back To Sleep
Disclaimer: Not my boys, just my story
Summary: When Sam can't take it anymore, will Gabriel be there to pick up the pieces? Established Sabriel/Destiel. Rated M (just to be safe) for suggestions of violence, and mild language.
"Hey, have any of you guys seen Sam?"
Castiel was holding Dean pressed to his chest, the hunters head was nuzzled into the angels neck. Dean was giggling, actually giggling, and placing a chaste kiss to Castiel's collar bone. The angel ran a hand through his hair then kissed it. When Gabriel spoke Dean jumped while Castiel pulled the sheet over his boyfriends body, not liking the idea of the archangel seeing him shirtless.
"Gabriel, please be so kind as to knock the next time you have a question. And no, we have not seen him." Dean's face was flushed and he sighed heavily as he relaxed back into Castiel.
"He's big, shouldn't be that hard to find him." Dean closed his eyes again, Sam Armstrong probably went running.
"The Impalas gone." Dean shot up so fast black spots filled his vision for a few moments and Castiel had to steady him.
"Dean..."
"What happened? Did you say something to him? What did he say?" The questions were flowing out of his mouth like waves before he could stop them. Dean's eyes narrowed at the celestial being standing at the foot of his bed.
"Nothing, no, and nothing. He just left, I woke up and he was gone." It was Castiel's turn to narrow suspicious eyes. Gabriel turned and caught his eye. "Yes I sleep when I'm with him, just like you do when you're with Dean."
"Then you should have woken up when he left. So he can't be far." Gabriel turned his gaze elsewhere, not meeting his brothers or the hunters. "What is it?" Castiel's voice held a tint of anger, the angel cared for the hunter (not like Dean), but he did not want him hurt.
"Well I mean I waited a little bit, thought he was just out or something. It was early! After a few hours I found the Impala gone then woke you two." Dean sighed at the lost time, then gazed around their room.
"Did he leave a note or anything?" Gabriel shook his head, he checked the room and around the hotel and couldn't find anything.
"No, I looked everywhere." Dean thought back to when they were kids. When he and Sam would play spy with each other in place of movies his brother would hide the messages under his pillow.
"Did you look underneath the pillows?" Gabriel held a frown before disappearing. Dean had time to run a hand down his face before a familiar flutter of wings signaled the archangels return. "Find anything?" Gabriel purposefully ignored the sarcastic tone.
"Yeah," it was in an envelope. Once open he began to read. "It's time to end it all. Don't come after me, I need to do this. Hopefully by the time you read this I will no longer be around to cause you pain. I'm going home. I love you Dean, Castiel, and Gabriel. Goodbye." By the time Gabriel finished Dean's face was a mask of horror. He was out of the bed and pulling on jeans of thirty seconds. Then be was busting out the door and looking for a car. He faintly heard his name being called but blocked it out from his mind. When he found a 2000 Ford Focus his shaking hands fumbled to pick the lock. And he huffed as wetness picked his eyes, he pulled the door hard once before trying the lock again. Suddenly, warm hands pulled gently at his own. Dean didn't care anymore, he let the tears take their journey in lines down his worried, scared face. Castiel pulled Dean to his chest and held him tightly.
"Ssh, ssh, we will find him. He will be fine, ssh." Dean allowed himself to be led back to the room and placed on the bed. "Where do you think he would have gone?" Gabriel frowned in thought, he opened his mouth to answer but Dean interrupted.
"Home. He went home. As in Lawrence." It was a whisper, barley audible. Castiel and Gabriel exchanged glances before the angel turned to Dean.
"Are you positive-"
"He's there." His voice was hard, and full of threatening authority. Castiel turned to Gabriel.
"Go." Dean stood up to protest, he was going to get his brother. Not Gabriel. "Dean. I know you're his brother, but Gabriel might have a better chance. He is Sam's lover." The archangel offered a soft smile, but he was shaking. He needed to find Sam. Now.
Sam picked the lock easily enough. The people who lived in their current home were gone, and that left the house wide open. Slipping in silently Sam moved to the kitchen. Sam waited until the day they got a hunt in, or near, Kansas. When the hunt happened to be only hours away he knew it was his only chance for a while. The sliver of metal felt cold in his grasp. Moving to the stairs next, Sam took his time climbing each one. When he landed at the top the hunter slid easily to his desired room.
Sam stood in the doorway of his past, all his emotions and thoughts shielded. His childhood nursery. One foot through the door frame and the armor cracked. Sam let himself feel, let himself cry, let himself be everything he'd kept inside. He carried the old knife like a lifeline. Each step left a part of him in its wake, trying to root him to stop. Sam moved to the center of the room and raised the blade overhead. He didn't let himself hesitate. The tired hunters eyelids fluttered shut, a trail of shamed wetness on his rosy cheek. His body was numb, from the cold or from his life he wasn't sure. A shiver ran down his spine as a shuddered breath escaped the cave of lies that was Sam's mouth.
It's all over you're finally getting what you deserve.
"SAM!" Gabriel slid into the doorframe, eyes wide and wild. The hunter paused but did not move his tense arms. He turned his head slightly to see the archangels expression. He wore a mixture of shock, anger, and concern. "What are you doing?"
"I'm ending it. All the pain, all the terrible things that have happened to us...I'm putting a stop to it all." Gabriel's face now held nothing but pure worry. He moved closer to Sam.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Don't come closer!" Sam moved the knife to the front of his abdomen. Gabriel stopped cold, and held up his hands in a surrendering motion. Sam sighed, he would be dead soon anyway, why not tell at least one person how he felt? "It all started with me. Ever since I was born I caused destruction. My mother died because of me, my father died because me, Dean went to hell because of me. I started the goddamn apocalypse! Every bad thing that has happened to us is all on me. My soul is so black I'm surprised I still have one. But I'm fixing it, I'm ridding the evil thing that plagued the Winchesters and the world. Me."
By the end of his speech Sam had fallen to his knees, still clutching the weapon. Gabriel wanted nothing more than to pull him to his chest and disappear, but he had to help the man who thought he was broken in front of him. With a snap of his fingers the knife would be gone (and he would do that if it came to it) but Sam could always find another weapon. "That's not true. It hasn't all been bad," when Sam started to protest he cut him off. "If you're saying everything started with you that means you brought on Castiel. You brought him to Deans life, and your brother loves him. You brought Dean happiness. You also brought Castiel happiness, and his freedom. You brought me, you reconnected me to my brothers. You have my happiness, and something I never though existed until I met you. Love. You're my true love Sammy. You're caring, compassionate, loving. You save lives! Help families! You leave compassion in your wake. You're such a good person, better than even I ever was. I think you're the most amazing person I've ever met. Everybody makes mistakes, but focusing on the good outcomes are what are important. And you're good."
Sam was sobbing heavily but the time Gabriel finished. "But the demon blood, it's-"
"It's paint, Sam. A paint on your soul that can be washed away. You can wash it away Sammy, you just have to want to. Think about what you're doing here, think of how much it will hurt Dean, and Castiel, and me."
The archangel took a cautioned step forward. When the hunter didn't protest, he knelt down to his level. Sam loosened the his grip and Gabriel slowly slid the knife from his clutches. Once Sam was no longer holding it, the archangel tossed it to the other side of the room. Sam collapsed and Gabriel pulled him tightly to his chest. "I-I'm s-so s-s...s-sorry." He sobbed and hiccuped the words. Gabriel's heart clenched painfully.
"Ssh, ssh, calm down. It's okay, I'm here. You're gonna be okay. You're good, you're good, you're good." Gabriel started slowly rocking back and forth. After a few silent minutes save Sam's tears the archangel heard his lovers breathing start to even out. "Hey lets get back to the hotel room, go to bed."
"Will you stay with me?" Gabriel picked up Sam's weak form.
He's been through a lot tonight, the archangel thought as he lifted his lovers body bridal-style.
"I could never leave you." Gabriel flew them to the hotel room and laid Sam across the bed, taking off his shoes and tucking the blankets in. He leaned down and kissed his forehead. Gabriel wanted nothing more to climb in next to him but if he didn't tell Dean Castiel would have his ass. "I'm gonna go tell Dean you're safe, I'll only be a minute or two." When Sam nodded Gabriel hesitantly disappeared.
When Gabriel appeared in Dean and Castiel's room the hunter rounded on him instantly. "Where's Sam? Is he alright?" Dean wore an angry expression but worry lined the edges. Castiel held a hand on his arm, a calming motion.
"Sam's fine, just resting. I think we should let him do that for a while." Dean exhaled, he weakly leaned against the bed frame where Castiel's hand moved to his neck.
"What happened?" The hunter needed answers, needed a reason why Sam acted out. Gabriel looked sheepishly at them before answering.
"He thought he was the reason for everything bad that has happened in your lives. He thought his soul was so tainted it has to be destroyed. We need to give him encouraging words, let him know that he's good." Dean sighed and looked away. He shut his eyes tightly against the pain in his heart and mind.
"I almost lost him tonight, that'll never happen again."
When Sam woke up he was staring into soft amber eyes. "Hey." The face to the eyes whispered quietly.
"Hey." The hunter replied, in the same tone. That earned him a smile from amber eyes. A warm hand began caressing his cheek. Sam leaned into the touch, into Gabriel.
"How are you feeling today?" Sam contemplated that, thought before answering.
"I'm better than I have been in three months." Gabriel smiled genuinely at the honest answer. He leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly against the hunters. "I'm still tired though." Gabriel tugged Sam to his chest and the younger Winchester laid his head over his angels heart.
"Then sleep Sammy, I'll be right here. And I always will be."