23Naley23
"That she was a small, great love. Only a small, great love and nothing more than that. Nothing more. I will be without death now because, it is now, this small, great love that I would know what to say now, that I would know what to make of it now because it is this small, great love that I want."
I can't tell you how many times I had heard that man speak these words in his mind. He missed his wife and he had written such words on a piece of paper and carried them with him wherever he went. He seemed to do that a lot lately. Write his feelings down on paper, I mean. He had become as poetic as his brother. It sickened me to see just how far apart these two had become. Six months ago, these two were so in love with the other. Not to say that they aren't now, but at least they both knew it. And then she came into the picture. I hate people like her. It's because of people like her that I am the way I am. It's been a month since their separation and heartbreaking to see the way they are.
I am no one special. I guarantee that, in a small period of time, you will not even remember my name or what it is that I do. I am not even human. I am not a ghost, but more of a memory and a guide. Yeah, I know that sounds entirely and utterly ridiculous, but I'm one of those that can be visible to the human if I deem it necessary. Like now, for instance, I am sitting in the back of this English class, acting like I'm a student that cares about what the future former Mrs. Scott, or so she believes, is saying about Hamlet. When in actuality, I couldn't care less.
It pained me to see how she plastered a fake smile on her face when her thoughts displayed different emotions. She missed her husband and the sound of her broken heart made me as miserable as she was. If only she knew what truly happened. If only she knew what Nathan Scott still thought about her. If only she knew the truth.
They were not yet divorced. The State said that they'd have to be separated for a year before filing and when that time came, they'd be allowed. Nathan had gone along with it because it was what Haley had wanted. She had declared her want for it after the near death of their son, Jamie. But Nathan never gave up hope that she would come to her senses and go back to him. He had been crawling and yearning to be able to love her again. From what I could see, at this point, it's impossible. She is so stubborn and Nathan isn't trying hard enough. He keeps his feelings bottled up inside and won't release any of it.
Jamie is another factor in this equation of madness. He is the sweetest and most caring child with so much faith. Any words that escape his tiny mouth will have your heart melting. I came to him to help him out and he welcomed me with open arms. This was one kid who did not deserve such punishment. Even though his parents loved him with everything they had and more, he still had that doubt in his mind. He still feels that he was the cause for their separation. I have tried countless times to reassure him that, that wasn't the case. But, like his mother, he is stubborn.
The bell rang and Mrs. Scott had finished her lecture. As well, she reminded the class about the essay about Hamlet and how different mediums affected their views on the play, was due the following weekas well as everyone's poems. Everyone scrambled to their feet to get out of class. Me, however, stayed behind in my chair and watched Haley lean back in her chair. She brought her fragile fingers to her eyes, rubbing the tired from them. Little did she know that I knew that her heart was just as fragile as her hands. I sat there and she didn't seem to notice. I concentrated as hard as I could on her thoughts. It was more than fatigue in her mind. She always had the same two figures on her mind, Jamie and Nathan. My heavy heart lifted a little bit when I heard I miss him. Why can't I just let him come home? I smirked to myself, now knowing that my little operation would be a success if I pitched it to Jamie who, I know, would then bring it to Brooke Davis' attention.
Brooke Penelope Davis was my hero when it came to Nathan and Haley. She was always trying to keep them together. Her meddlesome ways were always an inspiration to me. I walked these hallways just before I was like this and even then, she always amused me. She was class president and her personality did wonders for her and had the entire class believing that she was capable of anything. And it was true.
I still sat in my spot, still unnoticed. I got up and gathered my things. Slowly, I walked up to her desk and rested my hands in the tabletop.
"Mrs. Scott?"
Her head shot up and she looked at me. She seemed to be confused by the way she scrunched her eyebrows. She was desperately trying to remember my name, but had a hard time placing me. I chuckled to myself because she was smarter than she gave herself credit for. Of course she wouldn't know me because I was never in her class. Today was the first time I had sat in on her lecture.
"I-I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time placing you…"
I smiled politely and shook my head.
"It's okay. It's not important right now. I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. You seemed to be…somewhere else today."
She smiled lightly.
"I'm fine. I promise."
I nodded.
"Okay. I was just checking."
"Thank you…um…"
"LouAnn…"
She nodded and smiled. I sighed and then headed out the door, disappearing from anyone's view.
23Naley23
"So, I get to play with daddy today."
"Yeah? That's cool."
I was playing with Jamie in his bedroom at his mother's house. Haley had made Nathan move out after she caught him in the shower with the nanny. Jamie never understood why Haley had made Nathan leave. So for the longest time, Jamie had been angry with his mother and preferred to spend time with his father. Haley was home much more often than when Carrie had been there to watch Jamie. Ever since she and Nathan had almost lost their son to the depths of the swimming pool, Haley had been much more attentive to her son and his needs. She would leave the school right away and bring her work home with her just so she could be there to spend time with him.
Haley knew that things between her and her son would never be the same again. He still counted her as the bad guy and she didn't have the heart to tell Jamie that it was, in fact, his father's fault for her unhappiness and for her decision for their separation. So, she took the blame and carried the weight of the separation and the weight of Jamie's blame on her shoulders.
"Tink?"
I turned to him and smirked. He had thought of such a nickname after the first time he saw me. I remember what he told me. He would call me Tink after Tinkerbell from Peter Pan, his favourite Disney movie, because I looked like a fairy the way I glowed. I chuckled at the memory.
"Yeah Jamie?"
I was sitting cross-legged on the floor as he coloured. He looked up at me with his blue eyes. The sadness shone through them and just the look of it would make anyone's heart break.
"Do you think Daddy will ever come back and live with me and momma? Like will daddy and momma ever love each other again?"
I didn't know how to answer those questions. I knew that Jamie had asked Nathan if he was ever coming home. Nathan only replied that he hoped so. In truth, so did I. If I could, I would have cried. I felt entirely useless and cold. So, as this child's friend, I answered in the only way possible: honestly.
"I dunno if your daddy will ever come home buddy, but I do know that your daddy misses your mother terribly and you know how much your mother misses your father."
He nodded, his head barely moving.
"Yeah. Sometimes I hear momma cry at night. I know she misses him."
I turned my head to the little one and raised an eyebrow.
"Really?"
He nodded.
"Yeah. She thinks I'm asleep, but one night, I went into her room and she was holding daddy's picture. She was crying too."
There were small tears forming behind the soft and innocent blue eyes of the sandy blonde youngster that I had in front of me. I almost felt human when I saw his emotions, as freely as he allowed them to, pour from his soul. I sighed and nodded.
"I'll bet."
"I just wish there was some way I could get momma to be with daddy again."
"Maybe there is buddy."
I saw the glimmer in Jamie's eyes return and the smile on his face looked like his aunt Brooke's when she had a plan.
"I have a plan."
I giggled and then heard footsteps coming up the staircase and within three seconds, the door to Jamie's bedroom had opened up to reveal the brokenhearted Haley James Scott. Jamie looked up from his drawing and saw his mother standing in his doorway, arms crossed and head rested on the frame.
"Hey momma."
Jamie began to rise into a crawl position from being on his stomach so he sat on the floor with his legs crossed. Haley walked into Jamie's sanctuary and sat in front of him on the floor. She ran a soft hand through his satiny blonde hair. Jamie looked at Haley from colouring, both completely oblivious to my presence. I had become invisible to both people in this room. I could hear the breaking heart of Jamie Scott and knew that he needed a comforting hand. Still invisible, I walked over to Jamie and placed a calming hand on his right shoulder. I could hear the slow beating of Haley's heart and heard all of the love that she felt for her son. She sighed.
"Shouldn't you be getting ready sweetie? Your daddy's gonna be here soon."
I smiled. I knew what Jamie was going to say and it made me chuckle. The kid was smart.
"I don't wanna go momma."
I saw Haley's face fall. She was so confused.
"Why not?"
Jamie looked at Haley with a look that would make anyone's heart break.
"Daddy cries too much. I don't like it when he cries… It makes me sad momma. He cries for you all the time."
I could hear Haley's heart breaking all over again. It was the worst sound and I think that the most dreadful part was that Jamie wasn't even lying. I watched as mother and son conversed. Jamie crawled over to Haley and sat in her lap. She held her son close to her body, showing as much love, in this way, as she could. Haley hugged Jamie tightly and then Jamie turned his head to look into his mother's eyes staring into her shattered soul.
"Are you ever gonna be with daddy again momma? He says he loves you lots and misses you a lot."
Haley looked down at Jamie, confusion written all over her face. Jamie nodded vigorously as if to convince her and had that look of sadness that he had on his face since his parents told him that they wouldn't be living together, all three of them, in the house anymore and Nathan would be moving out.
"I heard him talking to uncle Lucas. And I'm not mad you anymore momma. I heard what he told uncle Lucas about nanny Carrie."
I could see the look of fury that came to Haley's face as soon as the woman's, who tore her marriage apart, name came rolling off of Jamie's tongue. The innocence in his voice made it almost difficult to not believe him. He looked to his mother with his adorable and sensitive blue eyes, complimenting his pout lips.
"I only want you to be my momma. I'm sorry for what I said…"
Haley had tears rolling down her face. Seeing this, Jamie stood from his mother's lap and turned to face her, bringing his hands to her face and wiping her tears away.
So much like his father.
Her words were so broken, especially in her thoughts. I stood from being behind Jamie and walked to the doorframe. I leaned against it. Jamie was comfortable enough now. He stood up, facing Haley and shrugged his shoulders, which lay at his side.
"I guess I should get ready, huh momma?"
Haley blindly nodded and Jamie ran to his closet to grab his things. Zombie-like, Haley lifted herself off of the floor and exited Jamie's bedroom, but not before turning to watch him stuff his basketball jersey into his bag.
I made myself visible to Jamie again and sat on his bed, watching while he ran around gathering his stuff. When everything was packed, he jumped onto his bed, sitting beside me and hunched, sighing. I turned my head, looking at him. I nudged him softly and nodded towards the window. He turned his head and smirked, hopping off his bed and running to the window.
Casually, I released my body from the comfort of Jamie's bed and walked to the window. I stood behind the child as we watched his father pull into the driveway. I looked at Jamie and then back at the broken man sitting in the black Escalade, hands on the steering wheel and head on the back of his hands after he turned off his engine. I concentrated hard, trying to find his voice. Finally, I caught his steady and raspy breathing of Nathan Scott. His thoughts were empty and then those four words entered his head.
A small, great love.
I looked to Jamie, who waited for his father to exit the car. However, I knew that Jamie wouldn't run for the door as he saw his father go to the door. He was smart. He knew what he was doing. Jamie would wait until his mother would answer the door and be reasonably late. Nathan's interrupted Jamie's thoughts.
You can do this. Just go to the door and ring the doorbell, say hello and pick up your son. Oh, right, there's the other small factor that is your soon-to-be ex-wife. Is it wrong that that thought still scares me to my very core?
He sighed.
Haley…please, please, please don't go through with this.
Nathan emerged from the car and began to walk to the door. The bitter cold of the autumn rain on the ground getting to his toes and the harsh winds caressing his face. He pulled his coat closer to his body and raised a shaking and icy fist to the wooden door. I could see Haley James-Scott walking to the door, knowing who would be on the other side of the door and when she did, she found her heart beating faster and faster with each passing moment.
I long for the
warmth of days gone by
When you were mine
But now those days
are memories in time
My life's empty without you by my side
My
heart belongs to you
No matter what I try
Nathan had his hands in his pockets and sighed. He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke.
"Hi."
How is it still like this after all this time?
I found it hilarious just how dense humans could be. I knew this answer quite well…they still loved each other.
Haley allowed Nathan into the house to get him out of the cold weather. He stepped in and she closed the door behind him. Haley waked towards the kitchen, Nathan on her heels.
"How are you?"
I could be better.
"Okay, I guess. The students still giving you trouble?"
Nathan set his black jacket on the bar stool. Haley simply shook her head at Nathan's question, pouring him a steaming mug of coffee.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Nathan sipped on his coffee and stared at Haley. I couldn't believe that in this moment, he didn't try to mend anything. He always tried, and Haley was waiting for it. But he remained silent, holding the mug of coffee. And, it was then, I saw his mind wander.
Flashback
December 18th, 2003
"Nathan!"
Nathan rushed out of the bedroom, seeing Haley decorating their apartment, trying to hang the mistletoe in the doorway. He leaned against the wall in the hallway, laughing as she jumped to stick the mistletoe to the top part of the doorframe. She heard him laughing, but grimaced as he did.
"Are you gonna help me?"
"No. You look so damn cute trying to hang it."
Haley screwed up her face and shook it towards Nathan. He then walked over to her and grabbed the mistletoe from her hand, hanging it easily above their heads.
"Thank you."
Haley began to walk away, but Nathan grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him. He encompassed her waist and looked above him, cradling and racking Haley in his arms. He brought his lips to hers and, as much as she tried to fight him off, she found herself sinking and falling deeper and deeper into him. She embraced his kiss and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as she could.
April 12th, 2004
They sat on a beach, two young ones in love and Haley seven months pregnant. The two sat on an abandoned meadow, not too far outside of Tree Hill. The scent of many wildflowers blowing in the wind and the sun shone perfectly. Haley's hair fell naturally and she sat in front of Nathan, leaning into his chest and Nathan running his hand over her baby bump. He caught a whiff of her scent and inhaled deeper. His nose grazed her hair and a small portion of the back of her neck. Haley shivered pleasantly under his touch and sighed.
"You smell so good."
"Really?"
"Yeah…"
He nodded and she held onto his hands that rested on her front.
"Lilac's got nothing on you. They say that lilacs have the sweetest scent. I disagree. Only my wife smells the sweetest. Not to mention she is the most beautiful woman to ever walk the planet."
Haley smiled and turned her head slightly, kissing Nathan's cheek.
July 17th, 2004
A one-month-old child sitting at home with his grandmother and Nathan and Haley decided to have some alone time with each other.
The two were walking down the boardwalk at Nathan's beach house. A dock in which they had many conversations, great and heartbreaking, in the past. The two were just enjoying each other's company.
"You think Jamie's okay?"
"I'm sure he's fine. My mom loves that kid Hales. I just want some time with you."
She nodded and the two stopped. Nathan turned to Haley and gave her a devious smirk. She read his thoughts instantly and shook her head.
"No."
"Why?"
"No."
"C'mon. Please?"
She crossed her arms and shook her head, but smirked. Nathan looked out to the water and raised his eyebrows and smiled.
"Fine…"
He then took off and ran towards the water. Haley ran after him yelling and asking what he was doing. When she arrived, he was stripping and ran into the warm water completely nude. Haley stood on the sand, arms crossed. Nathan resurfaced from his dunk and wiped the water from his face, staring and smiling at Haley.
"C'mon you…"
Haley shook her head, but Nathan stood, his entire top portion of his body glistening in the moonlight and clad in the water of his swimming area. He smirked and flexed his muscles, knowing the effect it would have on his wife. He smirked and knew he won when she began to tap her foot violently. Haley huffed and gave in. She stripped down and took off her final article of clothing. She walked into the ocean, which was extremely warm. When she got to him, he reached out for her and Nathan brought Haley close to his body. He kissed her deeply, her wet lips driving him crazy. Haley played with his drenched hair, loving the feel of the wet strands in between her fingers. Soon, she felt Nathan growing against her inner thigh and pulled away.
"What?"
"None of that. You know what the doctor said. No sex."
Nathan groaned.
October 28th, 2004
Nathan and Haley were in the park with six-month year-old Jamie. The leaves were on the ground, a tint of golden orange in them and the trees becoming barer with each passing second. Jamie held onto a finger of each parent, being in between them as they walked through the fallen leaves.
By surprise, Nathan tore Jamie from Haley's grasp and ran with him to a pile of leaves on the grass, father and son laughing as Nathan would playfully dip Jamie into the bed of leaves.
End Flashback
In comes the winter
breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine
kissing you under he mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way
here
Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume
When
summer burns with heat
I always get the hots for you
Go skinny
dipping in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the
leaves the trees are bare
When you're not here it doesn't feel
the same
Nathan snapped out of his train of thought. He sighed and sipped on his coffee.
"Are you okay?"
Nathan looked at Haley, his eyes full of sadness and want for her. I knew that look well. I had seen it multiple times when Jamie was with Nathan. It was impossible for him to say what he wanted to. He felt it would worsen his case and that Haley would never go back to him. He wanted so much to tell her. I could hear the debate in his head on whether or not he should present his argument like always, or just simply walk away. He opted for sanity.
"Do I look okay?"
Here it goes. I could hear Haley's thoughts on his words. She almost expected them and was about to respond when I pushed Jamie into the kitchen.
"Daddy!"
Nathan took Jamie into his arms and gave him a large hug. Every thought about his sadness disappeared as Jamie fit into his muscular arms. He rested his son on his waist.
"Hey buddy, you ready to go?"
"Yeah. I'm just gonna grab my ball okay?"
"Alriiight."
Nathan set Jamie down as he ran out of the kitchen to get his ball. I looked back to Nathan and Haley, hoping for some sort of final thought or word.
Nathan grabbed his mug, as did Haley. Their hands grazed each other's and the bolt of lightening shot throughout each of their bodies. The electricity coursed through their veins, filling both of them with a shock of love and sexual tension. I chuckled to myself, neither had engaged in any sexual activity since each other.
They jumped apart as Jamie came running into the kitchen once again. Nathan grabbed his jacket, tossing it on and heading towards the door with Jamie. Haley trailed them, heading to the door as well and watched as Nathan dressed his son.
I watched Haley. Not having her husband was already difficult for her. To have her son going back and forth like this nearly killed her. Why can't I just let him come home? He's an amazing father and he says that he didn't cheat. But there was all that other stuff, the lies and the secrets. My walls chip more and more with each passing day. Each day he comes and with his words as a hammer, swings at my heart, breaking it down more and more. I dunno what to do.
It was simple, really, but so difficult. I could barely stand to be here anymore, but then something stopped me from leaving. I saw the broken family outside near the car. Jamie sat in the back, pretending to not pay attention to his parents and Nathan got into the driver's seat. Haley began to walk away.
"Hales?"
She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. He hadn't used his nickname for her in a while and as I could hear, she enjoyed hearing the name roll of his tongue. Nathan studied her face and sighed, shaking his head slowly and softly. The tired was evident in his eyes, but he didn't blink once or have his eyes drop even a millimeter. He sighed and spoke, barely audible.
"I'm sorry I stopped you, but you're my drug. And one look from you is like taking a hit."
Haley could make out about every fifth word, but she knew well enough what he said. She didn't respond. She only turned her back, tears now flowing slowly, but wouldn't let him see. Jamie turned his head and Nathan looked at him through his rearview mirror.
Jamie and I saw the red in Nathan's eyes. The tears were there, but his male ego could not and would not let his son see him in agony, grief and tears. Jamie breathed evenly and then asked the next question with caution.
"Are you gonna win momma back daddy?"
23Naley23
"Hey Brooke, I'm so sorry I'm late. Practice ran late."
"It's not a problem Haley. I'm happy to watch him."
Haley smirked and thanked Brooke before kneeling down to Jamie's level.
"Okay now, be good!"
"Always."
"Good boy."
Haley kissed Jamie's forehead and then rubbed her nose against his as he did to hers. I stood behind the counter with Millie. I decided to make myself known and got a job at Clothes Over Bro's. Haley stared at me and I smirked.
"Annie?"
"Hello Ms. James."
I knew that if I called her by her maiden name, it would capture Brooke's attention and it did. Haley shook her head and I kept the smirk plastered on my face. Jamie recognized me and ran to hug me. I did, but no one noticed. He leaned into me and whispered, calmly, into my ear.
"I'm gonna ask Aunt Brooke."
"Okay."
I stuck my fist out and he hit it with his small one. Haley left the store and I watched as he, excitedly, ran over to Brooke.
"Hey handsome. What's up?"
She bent down to be eye-level with him.
"I have a plan."
"You have a plan?"
Jamie nodded his head and I smirked from behind the counter. He was going to get Brooke to help him and the best part was, he had every detail figured out. This kid was smart.
23Naley23
A/N: I have NOT
abandoned PA or ICT. They will be UD'd by Sunday or Monday. PLEASE
REVIEW! Let me know your thoughts. This is a 3-shot. Song used:
4
Seasons of Loneliness – Boyz II Men