Shadow Has Diarrhea, by Dickfart
Shadow was deeply offended when the morbidly obese blue hedgehog dared to suggest that our favorite edgelord had the waist size of a twig. His chins and fat rolls jiggled like jello at Shadow's obvious failure, and he took off in a thunderous run, shaking every building he passed. Not one to be outdone, Shadow made it his personal mission to gain ALL OF THE WEIGHT in one mass gorge, so he too could cause seismic activity on Richter Scale to go off the charts when he twerked his beautiful, single ass on the dance floor. After all, real men like curves on pimply, pockmarked, pale asses, like his would be underneath dat fur dat all dem furries fap to. Besides, he could eat as much as he wanted and not die from it, so why the fuck not? You only life forever! Try all the dumb shit you want!
His first stop was McDonald's, where he ordered everything on the menu, and shoved it down his angry gob like his life depended on it. Sonic was outside, laughing, chortling, and panting as his corpulent buttcheeks hit the pavement, plap plap plap. Shadow, who was gay, had to conceal his boner in his diet coke and find a place to cool off.
He found a mall, and purchased a banana hammock with which to conceal his raging boner. He wanted to jerk it so badly and make Sonic lick the hedgecheese off his flawless fur, but now was not the time! He had to get fat RIGHT FUCKING NOW. All 945803498572039457243097523 calories consumed at Mickey Dick's wasn't going to cut it.
So he had Burger King. And Pizza Hut. And Taco Bell. And Chipotle. He has raisins, he had craisins, he had cheese and milk and cookies and fruit pies. He had mangoes, he had bananas, and he had them drizzled in ALL OF THE FUDGE. He had donuts, and cereal, and pastries, and cakes, and 80 gallons of Ben & Jerry's Low Fat ice cream (because everyone knows low fat makes you fat.) He had an entire keg of beer, a full plate of buffalo wings the size of Eggman's ass, the entire stock at a Fruit Rollups factory, an entire vat of corn chowder, deep fried bull testicles, rotten tuna fish, twice the dew and doritos every trilby wearing fuckbilly with a neckbeard COMBINED has eaten during a round of CoD, and he even ate the crumbs out of their fat, disgusting gut hairs and bellybuttons.
For dessert he 5lbs of sugar free Haribo Gummy Bears, one dead squirrel, and washed it down with an extra large diet refill from McDickhole's. At the end of it, he still wasn't fat, and he was still hungry.
"Do I have to eat THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET to catch up to that fucking fake blue asshole dickfart?!" He cried to the heavens. He would eat everything he could until he achieved divine fattitude.
"Shadow, sweety-pie-schnookums," said Rouge, holding a cabbage in her hand. "I'm concerned about your health. Eat vegetables."
"Well, OK," said Shadow. No one ever got fat eating vegetables, but it's the only thing he hasn't tried yet.
One bite into that grotesque head of tasteless, crunchy suck did his stomach give a loud gurgle, and his clench buttholed like nothing has ever buttholed before.
"Bathroom!" he shouted, holding onto the steel tight doors that constituted his vicious anal cavity.
"Don't worry, hunny pumpykins. You're just detoxing," said Rouge with a knowing smirk. "Not a bad idea to clean those gutters for your future boyfriend either."
He answered her with a slam of the closest bathroom door, which happened to be at Sanic's house.
"Well shit," said Tails, as Satan's trumpets blared out of Shadow's asshole, as well as enough runny shit to fill an Olympic-sized pool. It was so powerful that it peeled the wallpaper, singed the hairs on his asshole, and vaporized his banana hammock. He needed Sonic there to flush and flush and flush to avoid drowning the world in his dank shit. Luckily for him, Sonic just happened to be jerking off in the bathroom at the time, so he was there to help.
"It's a miracle that a toothpick like you could put so much food away," said the blu hegayhog.
"It's a miracle that a mound of talking fat can actually find his own cock and jerk it," retorted Shadow, and then the floodgates ripped from his weeping sphincter once more. The exact sound of it was plagiarized by Fronald Brump, president elect of Mobius, whose every speech was an explosive fart. Only Eggman voted for him, because Eggman is the only Mobian who votes. Everyone else stays home and jerks off.
"I can suck my own cock, too. Watch." Shadow watched as Sonic's fat neck craned and stretched out like silly putty, and it wobbled and noodled all the way to his dick like it would have if this were the Sonic Dreams Collection days. Sonic was fat back then, too, and Shadow and Rouge took turns fucking him in the ass, and even got Tails to fit all the way up there. Good times.
Unlike now, where the great fountain of chocolate fire exploded from his rectum once more.
"Hey, my cock needs some attention, too," said Shadow. Sanic grew another head, and this Sanic's throat played tug of war with Shad's throbbing member. Before he knew it, he came the ultimate load that covered Sonic's entire fat body in its essence, but as Sonic licked all the juicy hedgecheese out of his fur, all his fat and his extra head went away. He was back down to his video game weight. Shadow was relieved, because it meant that he wouldn't have to put much effort into being the fatter hedgehog now.
Oh if only his diarrhea would stop.
THE END