Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount and not to me, unfortunately
Talaxian Tomatoes
He strolled through the campus with purpose but was still quietly bemused that he was back here. Ten years ago the thought had been that he would never step foot on Starfleet ground ever again. Little did he know then that for seven years he would be living and defending what could technically be called Starfleet ground? And now he was walking on the very sacred turf where Starfleet nurtured their young.
This was everyone's first full day back on Earth. As promised Tom Paris had landed Voyager on the hallowed grounds of Starfleet in the early hours of yesterday morning. Later that day everybody had disembarked and whilst waiting for the debriefings were now staying in their temporary quarters at the Academy. The students and faculty, taking advantage of having an early summer break had happily given up their accommodation to the wanderers.
Looking around he saw many of the familiar faces he had spent the last seven years with. A few waved happily, some just gave small bemused smiles and many more than a few frowned and looked away. That bothered him. He was getting the cold shoulder from those he had been close to and although he had a strong suspicion of what the problem was right now he didn't have time to sort that out. Chakotay sighed, hopefully if he completed his current mission successfully the problem with his friends would no longer exist.
Sighting Belanna and Tom he walked over to them "Hey?"
The new parents looked up from the old fashioned 20th century style pram that held little Miral "Chakotay" they both said
He looked down at the pram "How is the little one?"
"Fine...Um she's asleep" Belanna put in hastily when he reached down
Chakotay withdrew his hand "Oh" he blinked then looked up. He had noticed how forced their smiles seemed but ploughed on "Are your quarters okay? Is there enough room for Miral?"
"They're fine" Belanna brushed a lock of hair back "Reminds me of a time long ago"
"And me" said Tom. He looked back at the main building "Can't say they were good times"
"Well at least they're better than a cell...We could be in one of those" for once Belanna was trying to make the best of things
"We could still be in one yet" Tom said darkly
"I'm sure the Captain won't allow that...Where is she by the way? I've been looking for her all morning. I tried her room's earlier but got no answer" he sounded slightly angry.
Belanna had picked up the tone of Chakotay's words and her own anger lit "Why?" and when he frowned added "Why do you want to see her" and when he looked confused spoke with a bite "You didn't want to see let alone talk to her yesterday"
"Bel..." Tom tried to break in warningly
"It was chaos" Chakotay protested "She was taking calls from god knows who for hours then we were all trying to organise the disembarking..." he stopped when he saw the obvious anger on Belanna's face "What?"
"She specifically asked you stay after the final briefing but you were...too busy"
Chakotay bit his lip. He remembered how she had quietly asked him to stay for a moment, had seen the smile in her eyes fade as he equally quietly asked for a rain check. How many rain checks had he asked for in the last few months? The captain's mask had eased back on and she turned away saying "later". But there had been no later as she had been swept up with calls again and the disembarking had begun.
"I had something to do"
"With Seven" Tom didn't make it a question
"Of cause it was with Seven Tom" Belanna said sarcastically
He braced both hands on his hips "Is that what this is about?"
"What what is all about?" Tom and Belanna said together
Chakotay frowned "Why you are having a problem talking to me...why people are avoiding me...because of Seven?"
"I don't know about the others Chakotay" began Tom "But my problem is that for seven years you were always at the Captain's side...in the good and the bad times. Yet at our one defining moment. A moment that woman has fought for, for seven years, you were way on the other side of the bridge and you never once showed her any sort of appreciation, any acknowledgement"
"Now look Tom it wasn't intentional it..."
"Just what the fuck were you doing at Tactical Chakotay? Feeling up your girlfriend?" Belanna was on a roll "You should be damn glad I was popping munchkin out at that moment..."
Chakotay fought to keep his temper in check. He needed to see Kathryn and fighting with Belanna and Tom wasn't on the agenda right now "Look I damn well know I was in the wrong place at the wrong time however I need to speak to Kathryn and I need to do it now"
"Why?" Tom could see something in Chakotay, something that reminded him of a time when he, Tom needed to sort things out with a certain Ms Torres.
Chakotay took a breath "I need to tell her that I haven't ..." he paused then said "I have to see her, have to speak to her before this gets completely out of hand"
Belanna took a calming breath "Well good luck with that one"
"She doesn't want to talk to me?"
"She can't talk to you right now"
"Why" Chakotay began to get worried
"You can't to talk to her now because she's on there" and she nodded at the silent Voyager
"What"
"She went back there last night" said Tom
"Well actually she never left" broke in Belanna "She stayed on board"
Chakotay wandered the empty halls. It felt strange, only yesterday this had been a busy thriving ship, now she was eerily quiet. The still active turbo lift took him to Deck 3 and he found himself in front of the Captain's door. He rang the chimes once, twice then after the third time he used his old Marquis code. The living area was empty so he made his way to the bedroom then stopped. The Captain was asleep, fast asleep with the first restful expression he had seen on her face in seven years.
He leaned against the doorway and folded his arms debating what to do. Finally he said softly "Kathryn..." when she didn't stir he raised his voice "Kathryn time to wake up" he watched her eyelids flutter, then slowly open.
Kathryn's vision blurred then blinking a few times she saw her First Officer propping up the jamb "Commander" she sat up abruptly "What..." she looked around her confused for a second then "Oh..."
"Sleep well?" he said gently
"Like a baby" Kathryn scooped her pyjama clad legs out from under the covers "First time in seven years" she brushed her hair back "What are you doing here?"
"Came to find my missing Captain"
Kathryn stared at him for a moment then asked "What's the time?"
"13.00hours Earth Standard Time"
"Good Lord! I've slept for 12 hours...That's a first"
"In seven years"
"Ever" she rubbed her face "Never could do more than six...always too much to do"
Chakotay looked at a rumpled, still sleepy Kathryn Janeway. In seven years he had only seen this Kathryn once, back on New Earth. The thought of that distant planet stiffened his resolve. After his chat with Belanna and Tom he knew he had to straighten things out. Fast
"The forensics team are waiting to come on board...Admiral Paris has refused to allow them on until you have disembarked"
"Don't tell me Owen Paris is pacing the Academy lawn?"
"Not exactly pacing" he smirked "Last seen he was making strange noises at his granddaughter" Chakotay had recruited his adopted niece into his mission.
"Ah" Kathryn hid a smile with her hand "I'll shower then get the hell off the ship" she looked at him "Tell him I'll be done in half an hour"
"I told him to expect to see us when you're ready"
Kathryn frowned at his words "You can go Commander, I don't need babysitting" she turned towards the bathroom"
"Why did you stay Kathryn?" he said to her back
Without looking round she said sadly "I needed to say goodbye to an old friend" and closed the bathroom door
Chakotay turned back to the living area and finally noticed the dining table with its single candle and a place setting for one. He frowned the Captain had never sat at the table when it was just her. And then he saw the single peace rose sitting on the opposite side of the table and his world stopped.
When Captain Janeway stepped out of the bedroom in full uniform she found him sitting on the couch a mug of something in his hand and a steaming mug of what she hoped was coffee sitting next to the replicator.
"So it's still working?" she indicated the replicator
"Everything is"
"Really?" Kathryn nodded to herself "Might just get Belanna and Tom back, fire up the warp core and get the hell out of Dodge"
"Regrets already?"
"There are always regrets" Kathryn spoke softly
When she didn't elaborate the silence stretched until he finally said "It's later Kathryn"
She frowned "What?"
"Yesterday when you asked me to stay after the briefing and I asked for a rain check you said later...This is later. What did you want to talk to me about?"
Kathryn closed her eyes for a second then said "Actually I can't remember" The hell she was going to ask about broken promises.
"You can't remember?" his voice held disbelief
She ignored the tone "It was probably something to do with logs...or something" Kathryn shrugged "Obviously it was sorted"
He recognised the dismissal in her voice. He also knew that she was lying "Why did you stay?"
"I told you...I needed to say goodbye to an old friend"
He thought of the table, he thought of the rose "It doesn't have to be goodbye"
"Yes it does...they'll either rip her apart or turn her into a museum" Kathryn sipped from her mug
Chakotay wasn't sure if she was talking about Voyager or herself "What do you want them to do?"
"Who the hell knows" Kathryn shrugged "I'm still thinking about it"
Now he knew who she was talking about "Kathryn I..."
She didn't hear him and said "All I do know is that it's over, time to move on...That's what we do...we move on"
"Do we?"
Kathryn spun to face him "Of cause we do" You have
Chakotay leaned back "I found out today that the general consensus of opinion is that I have moved on..."
"Commander I..." she didn't want this conversation and turned back to the viewport
He frowned at her back "You know in the last twenty four hours you've called me Commander or Mr Chakotay more times than you have in years...Where's Chakotay?" then added softly "I'm still here Kathryn"
"Are you?" she whispered to herself
Chakotay studied her ramrod back "By moving on I mean that some people think that I have got a thing going on with Seven"
"You have...You and her are..."
"No Kathryn, we're not in love" he said firmly
"But the..."
"I don't give a damn what the Admiral said" he suddenly rose "All I know is that Seven and I have had three dates, a couple of kisses and that's it...Beats me how that can make most of the crew think there's anything more going on"
Chakotay knew that later had turned into crunch time and he grasped her shoulders ignoring the way she flinched "They thought that I had moved on from you...given up on you"
"Haven't you?"
"Hell no" he rested his chin on her head "How can you move on from a woman who gave you peace, a woman you promised to stand by, to support for as long as it takes"
"We're home now"
"By as long as it takes the Angry Warrior did not mean until we got home"
"Then what did he mean?"
"He meant" his mouth moved to her ear "Until we die and probably not even then...I love you Kathryn Janeway. Always have, always will"
She had to ask, had to know "And what was Seven?"
"Something to boost an old man's ego...after Quarra and Kayshak and then you pulling away...I needed something"
Kathryn stiffened. She could understand his reaction to the pulling away thing, but Jaffen and Kayshak? Oh really?
"I didn't know who I was on Quarra and Kayshak was business...business not personal"
"I knew that Kathryn but it still didn't stop me from..." he paused oh hell she was taking this the wrong way "It wasn't to pay you back...I didn't think you cared" he gently but firmly turned her round "Jaffen and Kayshak made me jealous" he saw her eyes widen "You pulling away made me think...believe, that you had stopped caring for me"
Kathryn softened but still felt bruised "Why Seven...of all people?"
"Because she asked me" he said simply "She picked me for two reasons...Firstly she wanted to hone her social skills with someone she trusted and secondly because she considered that I was...alpha male"
Kathryn's lips quirked "Not very romantic reasons"
"I know" his mouth twitched
"When did you find out that those were her reasons?"
"Just before the Admiral went on her do and die mission...Seven wanted to terminate our relationship...Her words"
"And you didn't"
Kathryn was perceptive damn it "No...my ego was being stroked" and at her raised eyebrow rolled his eyes "And that was all that was being stroked Kathryn...She gave me her reasons, I told her they didn't matter and then she told me what the Admiral told her..."
"The Bitch!" Kathryn suddenly stepped back
"What?"
"That bitch... I told her not to tell Seven anything"
"After we blasted through the wormhole I guessed that the Admiral told you about Seven and me"
Kathryn nodded "I should have known better...She couldn't help but meddle right to the end" then she frowned "You said it didn't matter...so you're still with her"
"No Kathryn...We talked, I asked her to think carefully and then once we came through the wormhole we talked again...we're friends, nothing more"
"How do you feel about that?"
"Friends is good" his large hands cupped her face "I love you Kathryn"
Kathryn stared into his beautiful eyes "Do you?"
"I had to talk to her before I could come to you...I thought that there would be a later" his thumbs brushed her cheeks"Kathryn I searched the campus high and low for you, I ranted at Admiral Paris until he gave in and let me come on board. Then I had to use my Marquis over ride code to get in here. And now I've just admitted to being a stupid old man with an over sized ego and have put my heart on the table twice for you to shred if necessary...Of cause I damn well love you" he blinked "And you haven't told me yet if you feel the same way"
"Yet?"
"Kathryn" he growled
She went up on tip toe, her lips a breath from his "Of cause I love you...Always have, always will"
"You are such hard work woman" Chakotay muttered and his lips met her hers for their first kiss. A searing kiss. A kiss that was way too long in coming and left them both breathless and aching for more. Much more
Much later Chakotay cradled her against him "After Quarra why did you pull away from me? Distance yourself" he felt her stiffen but he held on "I need to know Kathryn...Did you love him that much?"
She heard the pain in his voice and knew that it was because of more than that she had loved someone else. It was because he had also lost his friend.
"On Quarra I was Kathryn, I was a person who worked hard with few responsibilities and had a man who loved her. A man who openly loved her and whom she could love back. Back on Voyager I was the Captain, a person with responsibility for over a 140 people's lives and I couldn't be with the man I loved"
She felt him stiffen and knew that he didn't get it and so she pulled herself up so that he could see her face "You Chakotay...When I came back I admitted to myself that I loved you...but I couldn't be with you and that hurt...hurt badly. I didn't know if you still felt anything for me and I couldn't bear for you to guess in case you didn't so I pulled away...I had to hide my feelings"
"You did a very good job" he said ruefully "I thought you were mourning the loss of what you could have had"
"I was mourning the loss of what I couldn't have" she frowned "I'm sorry for pushing you away...for pushing away our friendship and then when I realised what I was doing, that i was losing your friendship it was too late. You didn't even want to share a meal with me"
"I'm sorry for the rain checks" his fingers smoothed her brow "I'm sorry for not realising that once again Kathryn had to take second place to the Captain"
For long moments they simply stared at each other, both willing the other to see the love and the friendship then she gave that crooked smile "You had my back for seven years I guess you were entitled to a few months off" and the tension was broken
His eyes glittered mischievously "Did you actually make love with Jaffen or Kayshak?" When he had entered her and found her tight, so tight it was almost as if she was a virgin
She rolled her eyes, why did men always have to know? "You have to remember I didn't know who I was...I thought I was in love with him" Kathryn traced a line of muscle on his broad chest "I had sex with Jaffen once before I moved in with him...Just the once and trust me Jaffen wasn't...built" she smirked "Anything like you are" the smirk turned into a grin when he blushed. When Chakotay had finally shed all of his clothes Kathryn had to stop herself from staring and from licking her lips. She had had no idea that he really was big all over.
Stifling a giggle she continued "Anyway the night I moved in we were too tired to do...anything. And then the next night some gung-ho Starfleet slash Marquis big lug abducted me before we had chance to"
"Oops! Sorry" his dimpled smile said he wasn't sorry at all
Kathryn smacked his chest "There's no need to be smug"
"I'm not smug" he protested "I'm just..." Chakotay flushed then said "I know that I have no right to ...But I'm just glad that you didn't...You know more than once"
Kathryn shook her head "Neanderthal...This is the 24th century you know"
"I can't help it..." he did his best puppy dog expression "I'm just an old fashioned guy...Old fashioned possessive guy"
Kathryn tried to hold firm to her indignation then gave in "Oh put those dimples away"
Chakotay's grin broadened "And Kayshak?"
"Kayshak was business...After he kissed me I went and gargled for a good ten minutes" she almost snorted
His chest rumbled "I wish we could tell him that...His ego could do with a bruising"
"Were you really jealous?" she rubbed her body against his "There was nothing to be jealous about"
Chakotay let himself enjoy the feel of her "I was murderous...Why do you think Kayshak smirked the way he did? He saw my face"
Kathryn giggled "Well that's better than a cackle"
"What?"
"The Old Witch..."
"The Admiral?"
"Yes. Her...She cackled...When she told me about you and Seven, she cackled"
"Mm"
"What?" Kathryn moved so that she could see his face "What?"
"I've been thinking about what she told you...told Seven"
"And?"
"I think she lied...Or rather she was liberal with the truth" Chakotay frowned "The years we were out there, Tuvok all true but I think she exaggerated about Seven and me. I think she lied to make you do what had to be done to get us home" he tipped his head "I fell in love with you years ago, I never stopped...even when I was dating other women. I would never, in whatever time line fall in love and marry any other woman"
"You don't know that"
"Yes I do Kathryn. In all those fractured moments, my feelings were always the same. If we had stayed in the Delta Quadrant Seven and I would have parted"
"Why?"
"Because despite her humanisation Seven wants perfection, she would never have had a perfect relationship with me because she would as every other woman has found out that I could never love them because...I never, will never love another woman"
"But the others..."
"They were distractions...None were meaningful distractions. I tried to move on from you but it was hopeless... I've loved you since long before New Earth" as her eyes widened he said "The night I agreed to be your First Officer you appeared in my dream quest and I knew...I knew that you were part of my soul"
Kathryn's finger traced his tattoo "I lusted for you the moment you tried to shoot Tom" she saw him smile "And I began to love you from the moment you first powered up those beautiful dimples" Kathryn poked a finger in one "They're lethal you know...Whenever I was really mad at you you'd do the dimple thing and I was gone...Still am"
"Good to know" his dimples on set to stun "I'm going to need all the help I can get whenever I go up against the indomitable Captain Janeway"
She kissed each dimple and then his lips "Well that won't be for much longer" then began to move away
Reluctantly he let her go "What?"
"Well firstly" she got out of bed and started to sort their clothes out "Owen Paris is going to court martial me for still being on the ship...it's now 16.00hrs Commander"
"Good Lord!" Chakotay scrambled from the bed. Then as he began to dress said "And secondly?"
"I've decided" Kathryn straightened her jacket and took a breath "I'm handing in my resignation from Starfleet"
"You're what?" Chakotay's fingers stilled from tying his shoe lace "You're doing what?"
"I'm resigning...once the debriefings are over"
"But why?" he rose to stand in front of her
"It's time to move on" she tipped her head "In a good way Chakotay"
His large hands closed on her shoulders "Think carefully...Starfleet is more than just a job to you Kathryn"
"It was... it isn't anymore. I want a new adventure"
Chakotay studied her, saw the intent, the vulnerability. He knew better than to push and so he nodded "Fair enough"
As they walked to the transporter he said "Any idea on what your new adventure is going to be?"
"I'm going to grow talaxian tomatoes" she looked at him just before they energised "Are you with me Chakotay?"
"And that" Chakotay stroked the soft dark hair of his oldest child "Is how your mama proposed to me"
"I did not propose to your poppa...I'm an old fashioned girl at heart" Kathryn sat down on the grass next to her husband and daughter. She grinned at the beautiful seven year old "Poppa always gets it wrong Taya"
"But Mama we have huge tomatoes, you told me that you've been growing them for years and years so that must have been when you and Poppa married"
Kathryn rolled her eyes and heard Chakotay chuckle. She nudged him "Tell her...tell her the truth"
Chakotay slung an arm round his wife's shoulders and smiled at little Taya "Okay, okay...As you know your Mama didn't resign from Starfleet she just changed direction" his cheek rubbed Kathryn's "Well she went back to her beloved science and joined me at the Academy. Then after many months your mama and I found this house and just knew our talaxian tomatoes would grow beautifully here. And..."he grinned "I decided that I would like our tomatoes to bear both of our names. On the day we moved in, under this very tree I asked Mama to marry me"
Kolo, the youngest by five minutes who had been sitting quietly with a puzzle in his hand finally spoke up "So Taya and I are talaxian tomatoes"
Chakotay and Kathryn exchanged glances. There was no doubt that the youngest twin was on the road to being a genius "We're not tomatoes" protested Taya
Kolo looked up "Mama and Poppa have lived here for eight years and six months...It's our birthday next month" he fixed her with a look "We're eight next month...do the math Taya" and rolling his dark eyes in true Janeway fashion went back to his puzzle"
"I said the truth Chakotay" Kathryn smacked his arm "Not the whole truth"
Chakotay stopped any argument by giving his wife a dazzling dimple display just before he kissed her.