ISABELLA THE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED WOMAN
"But WHY?!" Bella whined, looking Edward with pleading eyes.
He glared at the window, his jaw set as he replied with gritted teeth. "For the love of God, Bella. It. Is. Too. DANGEROUS."
Bella groaned, frustrated as she flailed her arms in the air. "Seriously, Edward. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do you know how bad I have it?!"
He looked at her calm and unfazed. "Have what?"
She took deep breaths, trying to rein in her anger at his total obliviousness. "Edward, I am very much in love with you. And when people fall in love, they want to be as close to each other as possible. You know," She locked her hands together "connected?"
Edward sighed and rolled his eyes. "Please skip the relationship dynamics and get to the point."
Bella blinked twice before she hurled herself on to Edward and yanked his collar, pulling him to her. "Okay then, honey," She whispered low and deadly in Edward's ear. "I AM SICK OF YOUR COCK-BLOCKING HABITS!"
Edward stared at her with wide eyes. "Huh?" He was confused and shocked at her words. "Bella, I never did..."
"OH YES YOU DID. First, you turn me on by giving me fuck-awesome kisses. Then, you buy a fucking bed and give me false hopes that you will be like that with me."
"Bella, I'm so-"
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY SORRY. THE ONLY APOLOGY IS SEX AND IF YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THAT THEN GRRRRR...
Suddenly, she burst out crying. She grabbed Edward's shirt and blew her nose into it.
"E-Edward, my hormones are killing me. I-If you don't d-do something I'll either combust, or start humping your leg." She sobbed hard.
"Um..." Edward was at loss for words.
She sniffed. "Maybe you should buy me a vibrator or better, BUY ME A LIFE-SUPPLY OF POPSICLE STICKS for the whole Edward Cullen experience!"
Edward silently stared at her, trying to ignore Emmett's guffaws from downstairs.
"ALL I WANT IS TO GET LAID!" She screamed.
Edward quietly rubbed her back, looking helplessly around the room.
"C'mon Bella. It'll work out..."
"If there's one thing I want to work out, it's your freakin' disco stick. The little thing in your pants?!"
That last part made Edwards mouth pop open. "LITTLE?" He asked skeptically.
Bella laughed without humour. "C'mon Edward, why else would you not agree to have sex with me. It's either you have a small dick or..." Bella gasped, putting a hand on her mouth. "YOU'RE GAY!"
"I swear that's not it-"
"God Edward, I've been so blind. The everyday sex-hair, the copious amount of smirking, full red lips. YOU'VE BEEN SHAGGING A GUY BEHIND MY BACK!" She screamed. "Who is it? Hmm? Emmett?"
Emmett's voice bellowed from downstairs. "HELL NO! Not if he were the last guy on earth!"
"Jasper?" She raised a brow.
"HE'S TAKEN!" Alice's shrill voice squeaked.
Edward tried to protest but Bella cut him off. "OHMYFUCKING GOD! It's Carlisle! I should've known you had that Doctor-Patient fantasy!"
"NO!" Edward and Carlisle shouted at the same time.
"Then why?!"
Edward looked at Bella, a mask of indescision on his face before he reliped firmly "No reason. Everybody get the fuck out of this house. IN THE NEXT THREE MINUTES BELLA'S OVARIES ARE GOING TO BE SCREAMING."
A sly grin made it's way to both their faces. "I love you" Bella spoke.
"Love you too." Edward smirked.
They proceeded their way into their love-shack.
THE END