Disclaimer: Star Wars and all games based on Star Wars don't belong to me, none of it. They all belong to their respective companies. ..Which I don't work for, so they're not mine.
Author's note: There's an extended chapter for this with an M rating, concerning CanderousxRevan (Does that pairing even have any fans?!), I might put it up later, if enough people are interested. And if I feel like it.
Enjoy! (If you can)
With an even pace, Revan made her way through the endless hallways of the Star Forge, her destination being the Ebon Hawk. Malak was dead, and with Bastila aiding their army of Sith, there was nothing for her to do but to return to the ship and wait until the battle was over.
Maybe she'd fly the ship and join the fighting. It had been too long since she'd had a space battle, and those turrets just begged to be used again.
She, herself, could use some distraction after all that had happened. In just one week, she had made a full shift, deciding she wasn't ready to give up her mantle of Sith Lord just yet, and in making that choice, she'd been forced to kill more than half of her "allies". Jolee was gone, Juhani was gone, Mission and Zaalbar were gone, and she'd lost Carth aswel.
To top it all of, she had just ended the life of the man she'd known as her student, lover, and best friend she'd ever had.
She smiled bitterly at the memories she had with each and every one of them; Helping Zaalbar and his father end the slavery on Kashyyyk, getting Mission's brother out of the Sand People Enclave, saving Jolee's friend from a trial he should have lost, and redeeming Juhani. And of course there were Carth and Malak, Carth, who she'd only known for about one year, had really grown on her. He'd been the one reason she did all the good things she did during their mission, some of them came from her, but most things she only did because she knew it would be important to Carth.
She knew for a fact that it took tremendous willpower to keep her from showing that brat, Dustil, and his pompous attitude the true power of the dark side, just to shut him up.
Revan remembered the times before she found out who she was, how she, Carth, and Mission would make fun of Bastila and her stuck up attitude, and how she'd mess with their heads by suddenly choosing Bastila's side.
It was all too sweet to last, of course. The good days passed quickly after Malak's revelation. She'd always had the feeling something was a little off.. she knew it was strange that she could so easily envision all the battles Revan had fought in, that her visions of Revan and Malak seemed a little too familiar, as if she'd actually been there at one point.
One point of comfort was that at least she hadn't lost her senses.
Those days quickly became nothing more than another dear memory she'd never experience again after the truth came out.
After the revelation, things had been tense, not just between Carth and her, but between everyone and her; Carth didn't speak, or even look at her for weeks, Mission tried to cheer her up, but always managed to make things more awkward than they already were, and HK, who was apparently the horrible assassin droid he was because she'd programmed him like that when she made him, always reminded her of the things she'd done, even more so when she admitted to not remembering much.
And Malak, what could she possibly say about Malak? She couldn't remember half of her life, but the memories she did recall, strangely, all had Malak in them. As if he'd always just been there, sometimes he played a big role in her memory, another time, he'd just be in the background, but he was there. Always there. And the things she remembered about him were all happy things.
There were so many things she still had to say, to all of them, but it didn't matter now.. they were all gone, and she'd never get the chance to tell them anything, ever again.
Had it all been worth it in the end? She knew she had a good reason to join the Sith the first time, but she couldn't remember that reason for the life of her.. maybe she just hoped that was the case, hoped she did it for the right reasons somehow. How much had she lost during all of these years? She defied the Jedi Order, her family, by going to war, losing everything she'd worked for her entire life, she'd betrayed the Republic by joing the Sith, she'd betrayed the Sith by returning to the Jedi, although that wasn't her choice, she'd betrayed Juhani, who she'd promised to never stray to the dark side ever again, Mission, who she'd promised a family that wouldn't abandon her, and so many more people. How many more could she betray? How many more things could she possibly mess up?
She was pulled out of her reverie when she heard a familiar voice, "So you killed Darth Malak, somehow.. I always knew you would."
In shock, she'd reached for her lightsaber, but when she realized it was "just" Carth, she dropped her hand to her side again.
"Somehow, I'm not surprised you made it here.." she spoke softly, almost whispering. She was, in fact, surprised, after all, the last time she saw him, he'd ran away from her, as if she were some monster.
Maybe she was.
A short period of silence followed, where he tried to see through her, see what little of humanity was left within her, and where she tried her hardest not to show any emotion in her eyes. Ironically enough, she found herself reciting the Jedi Code in her head to keep the emotions out.
Boy, would her former masters have been proud of her and her self control at this point.
"There must be some part I can still reach.. some part of you must still believe in hope, in peace.. in love.." it was hard to tell whether this was a question, or a statement, "Eri-"
"That is not my name," she said harshly, unknowingly taking a step backwards, creating a larger distance between them, "Not anymore."
His brow furrowed slightly, "I don't believe that.. I don't believe you're Revan, no matter what the Jedi did to you, I don't know you as this.. as this thing you are now.. you're not Revan, not now, not anymore," he sighed and looked down sadly, "You're the first woman I loved since.. since my wife died.."
At this, she looked away, casting her eyes to the floor. He took the oppertunity to walk up to her.
When he got too close, however, she grabbed her lightsaber and hit the ignition button, holding it close to Carth's neck, without looking up.
"Don't take another step," she said menacingly, finally willing her head to turn back to face him, "The simple fact that I'm allowing you to stand here without gutting you is a courtesy, so do not waste my time."
He opened his mouth to respond, but Revan cut him off, "Unless you are here to inform me of the Republic's surrender, I want you to leave."
"At least hear me out!" the desperation in his eyes almost made her wanna listen, but she couldn't.. she could feel Bastila approaching, she must've felt his presence too. He had to leave. Now.
"No.. I've," she frowned slightly, looking down for a split second before facing him again, "I've heard enough."
It didn't seem like he was going to give up. Damn that man! She had to find a way to make him leave, and she had to do it quickly.
"You've wasted enough of my time, you will leave now, or I'll add you to my scale model of this Star Forge, made of corpses," she stated darkly, his piercing eyes made her feel horrible, but she had to press on, "You must have had things backwards ever since the Leviathan, perhaps you've forgotten who was behind the destruction of your first love, of your home planet, of the corruption of that idiot son of yours."
He shook his head, "No.. that was Malak's order, and Saul carried it out.. it wasn't-"
She laughed harshly, "You poor, simple fool.. have you not been listening to the Jedi? I was Malak's master.. he followed me, learned from me. Had I not been there, Malak would've never even joined the Mandalorian Wars, I may not have given the order myself, but I can assure you, if there was anyone to blame for Telos, it was me."
"I don't blame you." he said, surprisingly calmly, "No one's responsible for the choices their subordinates make.. everyone makes their own choice, you made your choice when you left the Order, Malak made the choice to attack Telos, and I made the choice to come here, despite all my superiors telling me not to."
She bit her lip harshly, making her cracked lip bleed a little again, "Stop making excuses! Face the truth for once and acknowledge that you can't save me!" her entire wall came crumbling down, her stoic front was completely gone now, all that was left now was a panicked woman, grasping at anything to make him leave, and she didn't care. She didn't care that she looked weak, he just had to leave. Now.
Revan's face paled a little when she heard the blast doors behind her hiss open.
"Carth, I knew I sensed your presence," Bastila snarled, "I should've known you would find a way to meddle in this one last time." she stepped beside Revan and studied her face carefully, smiling a little. She'd made it just in time.
"Don't interfere Bastila, this is between me and Revan."
Bastila laughed, "You are a fool, Revan has already made her choice, and we all know there's no turning back," she didn't allow him to speak again, quickly continuing, "Don't listen to him, master, seize your throne, your power.. we have fought hard for it, don't let one simpering kath pup ruin it all for you," she slid an arm around the other woman's shoulders, "Do you remember the power? That amazing feeling of crushing your enemies with your strength? Making the galaxy crawl before you? We are so close.. so very close to returning that to you.."
Carth was taken aback by Bastila's behavior, this wasn't like her at all. "What the hell did Malak do to you?"
She snapped her head towards him, narrowing her eyes before turning back to Revan, she whispered in her ear, affectionately stroking a few strings of hair behind her ear, "I know this must be hard on you.. I never knew what you saw in the fool, but if it was lust you wanted to still, you do not need him for that, you could have anyone you wanted.. any man would be willing to serve you.. to please you. What could he possibly have to offer you?"
"Don't listen to her, Revan, she's trying to manipulate you!" Carth called quickly, drawing attention back to him. He wouldn't let it happen. Not now that he was so close.
Bastila let go of Revan and stepped towards Carth, her eyes growing darker with each step, "I'm manipulating her? Last I checked you were the one that tried to make her something she's not, you are the one that's trying to take her power from her again and turn her back into a Jedi peon!" she ignited her lightsaber, "Your manipulation ends here, she may have a weak spot for you, and I won't allow you to take advantage of that."
"Enough, apprentice!" Revan growled, "You will not speak for me, nor will you strike unless I give you the order, do I make myself clear?"
The younger woman's eyes were wide from surprise for a moment, but her face quickly turned into a content smile, "Of course, Lord Revan.. forgive me." she said, making a long, graceful bow.
Revan turned back to Carth, igniting both of her lightsabers, "This is your last chance, you will end your futile attempts at turning me and leave, or I will end your life."
He continued to stare at her with those sad, pained eyes. "Just leave.. don't make me kill you.." she whispered to herself, why did he have to be so damn stubborn? Did he sense her hesitation? Did he know that deep down, she didn't want to hurt him?
"If I can't save you, then I have failed. I can't live with that failure anyway," he said sadly, answering the question he knew she'd ask now, "Dustil never wanted to see me again anyway, he doesn't need me.. and if I can't save you, I have no hope left. My life would hurt him more than my death ever could."
Revan gripped the saber's tighter in her hands, "So be it then.." she rushed forward, and within a second, she driven her right lightsaber through his heart, literally breaking it.
She breathed heavily, trying to hold back the tears, as she felt his arms wrap around her, squeezing her tightly against him.. as she felt his warm blood run down her hands, after what seemed like an eternity, his grip loosened, and she felt his body slump down to the ground. The added weight of his body dragged her down to the floor aswel, and she stared blankly ahead of her for a moment, before finally, gently, pulling the lightsaber from his chest.
Finally, realization hit her in the face, as she looked down at her bloodied hands, they started shaking hard enough to make the lightsabers slip from her hands and with a loud noise, fall to the ground.
She gripped her head, she hadn't really done this.. he wasn't dead, this was a dream. A bad, very bad dream, it was all in her head, only in her mind.. it had to be. Carth couldn't be dead, he was Carth, he didn't die.
Despite repeating the lie in her head, her hands started shaking harder, and her lips parted, letting out a scream of anguish.
She hadn't just killed the man she loved, she had killed the last part of her that could feel, she'd killed the last flicker of light within her.
Bastila stepped up behind her and wrapped her arms around Revan's waist, "I know sweety.. I know.." she whispered gently in her hair, "But you know it needed to be done, he would not bow before you.. he threatend your power.. you had to end him," she pulled the other woman backwards a little, away from Carth, and held her against her chest, gripping her bloodstained hands into her own, "What a mess.. we'll get you cleaned up."
Revan couldn't speak, she just gripped Bastila's shirt and kept denying what she had done, shock still having the upper hand.
"Shh.. it's okay." Bastila whispered, stroking her hair in a way that made her seem like a mother trying to comfort her sad child.
Revan could faintly hear footsteps approaching, two pair, one of them sounded metallic, and the other just sounded heavy, making the ground vibrate ever so slightly upon impact.
"Statement: Ah! I see the meatbag has been dealt with! Nicely done, Master! It is so good to have you back."
She noticed Bastila looking up and nodding at something, before she felt a pair of strong arms move around her waist, and lift her up into the air with great ease.
Bastila stood up too, staring straight at the man who'd just lifted her up, "Take her back to the ship, and get her cleaned up a little," she glanced back at Carth for a moment, "We're almost done here, HK, prepare the ship for takeoff."
HK turned and made his way back to the ship, before Canderous took off though, Bastila grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks, "Don't forget that she's not a Mandalorian, got it?"
He rolled his eyes, "Yes Princess." he looked down at the much smaller figure that hung weakly in his arms. It was hard to believe this was the actual Darth Revan, the one that had defeated his clan during the war, the one that had killed Mandalore, what was it about the pilot that turned her from that strong, admirable woman he respected and loved so much, into this?
"I'll take good care of her."