A/N: Hey, it's Cha-Cha and Mugi here! Presenting our first AU fanfic :O And our first Gakuen Alice fic which is borderline serious. This is a shocker, coming from the critically acclaimed (?) writers of IM Alice and Kitsu's Journal. What a memorable event.

Ready to ride the Nopetrain to AU-Land?

Summary: AU. The coffee shop is always available, for conversation, conflicts, compromise, and sometimes, just sometimes, for the coffee itself. KitsuAnna.

Even Monkeys Fall From Trees

Part I - First Day on the Job

I hated this. Hated everything about this fucking situation. Surrounded by these kids all day long, complaining about their petty lives. Rich bastards.

I'd never worked an honest day's work in my life. And yet here I was, in a fucking hairnet, about to start my first shift. I was shitting myself.

"I'm not wearing this," I muttered darkly as Nonoko sniggered behind my back, not even trying to spare my feelings by disguising it as a sneeze. I glared at her and she shut her mouth, still grinning.

"How come none of you guys have to wear this?" I whined, tossing the devil item into the nearest trash can. Koko shrugged.

"Guess Tono- our manager trusts us to keep our hair in our heads. You may flaunt that ponytail now, dude, but you don't realise the kind of destruction it could bring to an establishment such as this. Malting all over the kitchen like you own the place-"

"Okay, I get it," I snapped, "ponytails make a mess. But that still doesn't mean I'm going to wear this fucking thing. Tono- I mean, our manager, is gonna have to deal with it." I grinned sadistically. "But truth be told, it's nothing to do with hair. He just wants to make my life miserable. And you're both in on it!"

"Paranoid much?" Koko grinned, shaking his head. I just shrugged.

Everything about Koko pisses me off, from his stupid jokes to his obsession with the Ninja Zombies™ fandom and his inability to keep a serious conversation going. He is the exact opposite of me, the kind of person I would have usually taken great pleasure in causing grievous bodily harm. But Koko is my best friend, so he can kind of get away with it.

"So when do we open?" I asked, trying not to let my voice waver. Koko would pick up on it immediately and tease me mercilessly. Sometimes I swear Koko can read my mind. It's kind of spooky.

"Like a superhero," Koko said, demonstrating his skills. That kid really knows how to get to me.

"The kids will be on their way down any moment. We'd better get the watermelon ready," Nonoko muttered darkly, shuffling unenthusiastically into the kitchen.

"Watermelon?" I asked, brightening up a little. Maybe this job wouldn't be so bad. I mean, I get to eat free snacks, sit around all day, clean a few tables and pour coffee. Really, it's not so hard. I didn't know what I was getting so worked up about.

"It's almost seven," Koko piped up, pointing to the large clock on the wall. I've admired that clock ever since I've moved here. So, like, since yesterday. But really, it's pretty awesome. All old looking and stuff. It takes up the entire wall on the right hand side, and has some kind of Chinese lettering around the sides of it. I never was good at Chinese. I wonder what it says. Probably something stupid, some form of subliminal messaging, like 'Coffee is the nectar of the Gods'. No wonder these kids get addicted.

"Hey, Kitsu, get to your post, Hyuuga's almost here!" Nonoko nagged, hastily placing a plate of chopped melon cubes on the counter by the door. I reached for one but she slapped my hand away, shocked.

"Not for you, dumbass," she whispered, straining her neck to get a good look out the front window, "it's for him!"

I'm fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. I thought it would be fine. The students on campus are all about our age, and it's a good university, high on the charts, the biggest in Tokyo, I think. It's not like I've ever been to Uni, but I've seen the shows on TV. I know the score. But I wasn't prepared for this.

Rich bastards. I swear, if another person gives me another piece of clothing as a tip, I'm going to smack a bitch. I get what you're trying to do, mocking me, making fun of my old, worn clothes. It's called vintage, people! I'm not a hobo just because I may dress like one. I have my pride. Well, some of it at least.

The place was so screwed up it's unreal. The minute Koko turned the little 'open' sign around, the café was flooded with students. At, like, seven in the morning. This must be some damn good coffee, although I wouldn't know seeing as I don't drink the stuff.

Turns out this infamous 'Hyuuga' is just some second year kid with a large following and even bigger ego. Two first year girls held open the doors as he and his entourage strode in, more first years snatching the plate of fresh melon slices from Nonoko's hands and hurriedly trying to slip them into his mouth, much to his annoyance. He just handed them to a blonde boy who happily inhaled the lot.

They claimed the armchairs in front of the clock and sat in model like poses. Okay, they probably didn't do that on purpose. They're just naturally beautiful people. Damn rich kids with their money and their ravishing good looks.

"So that's Hyuuga, huh?" I muttered to Koko, who nodded, eyes shining slightly. "So what's your thoughts on this one?"

Koko's known for being able to read people well. One look at a guy and he can tell you his life story.

"He's the cool, charismatic leader type that everybody looks up to. He pretends he doesn't care but truth is every time that girl shoves a melon cube in his mouth he's squealing like a little girl on the inside. He has it all, and yet he's distant and untrusting. He likes puppies, but he'd never admit it. He likes to eat cheese before bed even though it makes him gassy. He's never kissed a girl before. He doesn't drink soda that's not from Canada. And he hates that guy." He pointed to a skin headed guy sitting at the back of the café, ass on the back of the chair, feet stinking up the coffee table. I shook my head, mouth creeping into a grin.

"No way you can tell all that. You just made that up, didn't you?"

Koko nodded.

"Yeah, but I probably made him more interesting than he is in real life. Kitsu, give me a puppy and I'll go see if he giggles."

"Very funny. Sadly, I don't have a puppy on me right now but I'm sure if I did he'd be tittering like a schoolgirl."

With raised eyebrows I scanned the coffee shop. It seemed to be neatly divided into two sections, and it was pretty obvious that there was a bit of rivalry going on, although I couldn't figure out why. The most obvious was the looks of pure hatred Hyuuga and some skinhead kid with his ass perched on the back of a sofa near the wall were exchanging.

Koko, sensing my discomfort, slapped me on the back. "Go on, Kitz! Show them what you're made of! Wait on those kids like you've been a waiter your whole life!"

Easy for you to say as a guy brimming with confidence. And I'm the coffee brewer, not the waiter. That's your job.

"At least let me get my groove on with some decent music," I muttered, reaching out to the stereo player and slotting in an All-American Rejects CD.

As it began to blast out a familiar track through the loudspeakers I picked up a small A6 notepad and biro before handing them to Koko.

"Your job, not mine," I replied, thankful for my current post. "Tono said so himself."

"What?!" Koko visibly wilted. "But I don't want to talk to those snooty rich kids! You have better social skills than I do!"

You're such a liar.

"Just ask Tono. I brew the coffee, because when he took us in he saw your brewing skills and was embarrassed to call you a worker at a coffee shop. Hence, why you wait the tables."

Koko pouted. "That's a bit harsh. My coffee making isn't that bad."

"Yes it is. Now go get those kids orders."

He glared at me with a frown that looked strangely like a smile before turning his back on me and storming over to grumpily take those kids' orders. Of course, this frowning-smile is nothing to worry about, since it's just something about Koko that's a little peculiar; his frowns, glares and scowls look like he's grinning. They just do. It's a bit weird, but after a while you get used to it.

As I was musing over this, slim fingers began snapping in my face, bringing me back to reality. Fighting the urge to seriously mutilate something, I turned around, expecting some stuck-up asshole with an English accent or a fancily-placed facial mole that would irk me for all eternity, and came face to face with the bluest of all blue eyes I'd ever seen in my life.

A face of ivory greeted me, framed with pale candy-pink hair that fell in soft curls down to small shoulders slightly pointed with the shape of the navy blazer that covered them. Perfectly arched eyebrows, a snub nose, plump, peach coloured lips, a pointed chin and a petite frame greeted me. And at last those big, almond-shaped cerulean eyes rimmed with long eyelashes darkened by mascara.

An absolute beauty stood before me. And she was clearly pissed off.

"You work here, don't you?" she asked haughtily, folding her arms. "Your incompetence to listen to what people are saying is both arrogant and insulting."

Something twitched inside of me, but glancing over I noticed Tono sending me a warning look and swallowed my pride. "…Yes. I work here. Yes, I'm incompetent."

Seeming satisfied with my answer, the pissed off expression turned slightly smug. "I see it's your first day on the job. I'm a regular customer here so I would've seen you around before if that wasn't the case." She caught my eye. "My name is Anna Umenomiya."

"Just call me Kitsuneme, everybody else does," I shrugged, deciding not to hold out my hand for her to shake in case she pushed it away, further humiliating me. She wrinkled her nose.

"Doesn't that mean 'fox-eye'? What kind of a name is that?"

"It's a nickname."

"Oh." Then, suddenly remembering why she was here, the annoyed expression returned. "I came over here to tell you to turn off this music. It's too common for a place like this. This here is… classy. Much more classy than the racket you're insistent on listening to."

I was a little taken aback. "You don't like The All-American Rejects?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Do I look like the sort of person who would listen to that?"

"Hmm… guess not." Realising Tono wasn't watching, I used this as an opportunity to push her fancy wooden buttons. "What kind of music would you prefer, then? Blink-182?"

Her expression darkened to that of fury. "Are you insulting my intelligence? There's no way in one million years that I would even think about listening to such overrated drivel! Mozart is decent in structure and taste. That's the kind of music you should be playing in here! And that's all there is to it!"

Yeowch. Didn't mean to strike a nerve.

I decided to test her patience just one more time.

"And you're sure you're not in the mood for Led Zeppelin?"

She glared at me.

"Oh… oh, you're such an idiot!" Her fists clenched. "Now turn that music off!"

"Fine, fine." The All-American Rejects CD cried as I took it out of the player, so I decided I'd get out my mp3 player when I got the chance and would listen to it with my earphones as I was serving people at the counter and brewing my coffee. Then, searching around, I eventually found something interesting. "Hey, Umenomiya!" Laying on my thickest, sweetest voice, I continued. "I have U2's With or Without You single. Want me to put that on? It's probably the classiest thing I've got here."

With a huff, she folded her arms tightly. "…I suppose so."

"Great." Since U2 have always held a place in my heart, I allowed myself to play it and hoped this wasn't the CD I accidentally overwrote when I was going through my Breakfast Club phase.

"I'm leaving now," she snapped. "My boyfriend will be wondering where I am."

And then, to my utmost horror, she walked away and sat down beside the skinhead sitting on the sofas by the wall, with his feet casually propped up on the coffee table I'd only wiped down earlier that morning.

What a douche.

Once classes began, Tono ambled off towards the bar on the opposite side of campus, leaving Koko and I supervising the coffee shop.

Of course, mere moments after he crossed the road and was out of sight, Koko began air-drumming and we put in our American Hi-Fi CD, beginning to rock out to The Art of Losing as we rolled around underneath the tables.

"This job is amazing," I heard Koko wheeze in between laughter. "It's only the first day and I'm already feeling like I'm achieving something!"

"Goofing off on the first day is hardly an achievement," I reminded him, abandoning the floor to go and make myself some hot chocolate.

"Throw me a doughnut," Koko called as he sprawled out on the couch the skinhead kid had claimed earlier.

"No. Go get it yourself."

"But I'm so far away!" he whined, kicking his feet against the wall. When I pointed out he was leaving scuff marks he quickly changed position so he was completely submerged in sofa cushion.

I began wondering if we'd have hours of an empty coffee shop like this every day. Surely there would be some kids skiving lectures or having free periods? If the student rush hour this morning was anything to go by, these kids couldn't live without spending every waking moment in this damn coffee shop.

And then, as though I'd experienced a shocking look into the future moments ago, an older kid walked in, with sandy blonde hair and a pale complexion. He took one look at Koko, whose head was sticking out of the gap between the sofa cushions, and stepped out for a moment, checking that the sign definitely read 'Alice Academy's Café Au Lait'.

"Get out from there," I groaned, pulling at Koko's arm uselessly as he freed himself from in between the couch cushions.

As he began brushing himself off the kid entered again.

"Welcome to Café Au Lait," I said quickly. "Would you like to sit down?"

"Sure…"

He very awkwardly shuffled past the two of us and sat down at one of the bar stools without much enthusiasm. I headed towards the counter, hissing at Koko to fix up the couch.

"What would you like to order?" I asked, heart racing, hoping Tono wouldn't come back in time for this kid to snitch on what we were doing. He stared at his hands. When I looked down I noticed he was cradling a small china doll no bigger than Koko's thumb (which, irritatingly enough, is twice the size of mine).

"Cappuccino with cinnamon, please," he said dully, avoiding eye contact. As I began to brew his coffee, I threw in small talk to keep the coffee shop on life support.

"So, how come you're not at a lecture?" I asked, distracted by the colour of the wallpaper, a creamy golden-brown colour that reminded me of the cinnamon powder I was holding in one hand.

"I just came back from a hospital appointment," he said in a small voice. "My lecture will be over in a few minutes anyway, so there's not much point in turning up."

"With an attitude like that you'll end up just like Koko," I tutted, shaking my head. "He made excuses like that when he skipped periods in high school, and look at him now - freelancing in a coffee shop for the rest of his life."

"You don't know where I'll be in ten years!" I heard him yell from the couch, where he appeared to have gotten stuck again.

Absent-mindedly I tossed him a custard doughnut, the treat sailing over the blonde boy's head like ET on the bicycle. He caught it in his mouth, like he always did when I threw food in his direction, and began to drip custard on the couch leather.

"Clean that up once you untangle yourself," I deadpanned in his direction, before reaching over and handing the blonde boy his drink. He took it with a slight nod and warmed his hands on it, setting the tiny doll aside in a 90 degrees sitting position.

"So what's your name?" I asked, helping myself to a cupcake Nonoko had iced earlier.

"Kaname Sono," the boy said, stirring his cappuccino absentmindedly. "I'm in my third year here."

"Cool. I'm Kitsu. It's my first day on the job." I held out my hands and we shook on it, pride filling me as I realised I'd made my first friend on campus. Even if he was one of the shyest students I'd seen so far, befriending a third year student seemed like a good start.

We continued to idly make small talk as Koko wrestled the couch, a pleasant atmosphere filling the air as American Hi-Fi continued to belt out fast-paced tunes.

And then, as the giant wall-clock struck four, the cogs and gears began to move quickly. Tono returned, looking miffed as Koko continued to frantically scrub at custard stains, and he brought a flood of coffee-deprived students with him.

As the orders began to pile up around me I became acquainted with a girl with a pixie-cut and striking violet eyes who only identified herself as "Nope", a girl with easily forgettable features who called herself Usami, and Kaname's two third-year friends, Tsubasa Ando and Misaki Harada, a high school sweetheart couple who were engaged and already diving into wedding planning over their frappuccinos.

They all seemed pretty wary of the opposite side of the room, but I couldn't place why, and still felt too shy around them to ask.

I noticed a curtain of candy-pink hair in the distance but my hopes wilted as she sat down beside the skinhead kid once more and one of her bitchy-looking friends came to order instead.

Of course, Koko saw the perm and his face melted into a smile as he ambled over, planning to make his move.

He'd never tell anybody this, but he has a serious perm fetish. It's kind of bizarre.

Naturally, he'd forgotten that all the rich bastards at this school considered themselves to be in a different world, and I watched as he was pitifully rejected.

The girl with the jade eyes and the perm now turned to me. I noted her face greatly resembled one of those pinch-faced hairless cats.

"Two moccaccinos, please," she said sourly, eying me like I was something on the bottom of her fancy daddy-bought shoes.

"Sure thing," I grunted, deciding against breaking out into the Cat Face theme tune. Then I paused. "Oh, we're out of chocolate syrup. Hang on, I think we still have some in storage."

As she began muttering very pointedly about the wooden efforts of the new staff, I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, grabbing onto clumps of my hair and pulling.

Stupid rich bastards. Stupid stuck-up rich bastards. Stupid stuck-up snobby pathetic whiny bratty idiotic annoying rich bastards.

I rummaged around the shelves and found a bottle of chocolate syrup sitting on the top shelf, gently prising it away from the other bottles and holding it, visualising the outcome of me squeezing the entirety of the bottle over my head and sliding across the counter and into Cat Face's lap.

My thoughts were dashed suddenly when a loud crash sounded behind the door, quickly accompanied by a sea of raised voices.

"What happened?" I managed as I stumbled out of the storage room, dazed. Cat Face sighed and pointed dramatically over to the other side of the room, where a short boy with tufty hair was sprawled on the floor, the lenses in his glasses cracked and a shattered mug of coffee lying beside him.

"Wh-What?!"

Quickly I hoisted myself up and over the counter, wading through the crowd towards the kid. Even if I had no idea what sort of attitude these rich bastards had towards each other, I wasn't about to let this poor weed be stepped on.

"What's going on here?" I demanded, picking up the boy and brushing him down. He reached for his glasses pathetically, face burning in humiliation.

"You're new here, aren't you?"

The skinhead kid stepped forward, arms folded as he looked down on the tufty-haired kid, disgusted.

"What of it?" I shot back. From the corner of my eye I could see Tono watching from his seat at the back of the room. There was a warning look in his eye but I think he was interested in seeing how I handled rough-housing under my watch. "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave. I can't accept any form of bullying in this coffeehouse, no matter what the circumstances. Please apologise and leave the premises."

The room suddenly fell silent. All around me the stuck-up bastards were watching, almost fearfully, as though they knew something I didn't.

In retrospect, I probably should've taken this as a warning sign and walked away. But, being the prickish working class douche that I am, I stood my ground.

The skinhead kid's expression was beginning to harden.

"You can't ask me to leave for protecting what is rightfully mine," he said in a dangerous tone. Two girls to the left of me clung to each other in fear.

"The coffeehouse belongs to Tonouchi," I said coolly, "so elaborate, twit. What gives you the right to pick on my customers?"

His face darkened even more.

"Nobody talks to me that way," he growled, taking a threatening step towards me. He grabbed onto my collar tightly. "That kid was on my territory. And no Black Cat is allowed to do that."

"Hold on… what?"

"You're new, so I'll let this slide." He yanked his arm away from me and turned back around with a snarl. "I'm heading back to the dorms. But mark my words, peasant-" The skinhead bastard turned back to me, face like thunder. "If you butt heads with me again, it isn't going to be pretty."

As he left, a trailing group of rich kids following suit, I let out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding and eyed Tono coldly as he sauntered over.

"What's your problem?" I demanded. "Why didn't you stop him? He was bullying that other kid and almost killed me!"

Tono took a long drag from his cigarette - ignoring the 'no smoking' policies we were required to hang on three out of four walls in this joint - and sighed.

"There was nothing I could do, Kitsu. He was telling the truth - Mochiage and Hyuuga own rights to their territories in this coffeehouse. Since it's the only place on campus that brews more than three kinds of coffee, it's become a popular spot for the students. For that reason, up until two years ago it had been neutral territory. For as long as I've been working here there's been a lot of conflict between students over their families' rivalling businesses and whatnot, but when Mochiage and Hyuuga arrived and adopted the two conflicting sides of the student body, they've been renting out the opposite sides of our coffee shop and it's been that way ever since."

This was the type of pitiful social class dilemma that had never occurred at my high school, so I couldn't really make sense of what all the fighting was about.

"So Mochiage pushed that kid down because he was a… what was it called, some sort of cat?"

"A Black Cat," Tono informed me matter-of-factly. "That seems to be the gist of it, yes. It wasn't on purpose, of course - the poor kid probably didn't even realise he was treading in the danger zone, but this happens a lot. You just have to deal with it. Expect a lot of smashed coffee cups coming your way real soon."

"Well, that's comforting."

Two dicks with too much power and free time, controlling the entirety of the student body? Going as far as to hurt their classmates when they stepped on claimed land - or floor, should I say?

I opened my mouth and emitted a groan so loud a few customers around me looked up.

"What is it with all you rich people?" I grumbled, storming back behind the counter and blasting out Thin Lizzy. As the customers voiced their complaints and Koko began rhythmically head banging, I couldn't help wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into.

By accepting this job, I've pretty much dug my own grave, haven't I?

A/N: So here I am, uploading this without Mugi's consent. But it's all good, it's all good. I'm sure she'll forgive me for any continuity issues she'll pick out tomorrow.

Anyway, here is another apology for not updating Kitsu's Journal as regularly as I used to. It's been a while since I've worked on a separate Gakuen Alice fanfic, but this one has refused to leave me alone.

Yes, Kitsu is such a babe he uses words like twit. It just adds to his boyish charm and charisma. The others are probably going to end up with pretty strange phrases and lingo too.

Forgive all of the music references, I got excited while going through my play list on my mp3 player, ahaa. The Art of Losing is currently my favourite song, though. It just feels like the theme tune of Kitsu's life. IDEK.

Favourite? Follow? Review?