Disclaimer - I do not own Harry Potter or any of JK Rowlings books. Although I wouldn't mind a peice of Draco Malfoy to call my own. Tee hee.
Authors Note: The dates at the bottom of this one-short are most probably wrong, so if anyone wishes to correct me, they are more than welcome. Also, I used one of Evanescence's songs called "Understanding" as a template for this story so you may see quite a few quotes from the song. Please R&R! Criticism is more than welcome.
The Last Diary Entry of Draco Malfoy
We as humans hold many memories deep within our minds. Wether they be the happiest moments we have in our life, or the ones that would haunt us forever. It's the memories that bring us great sadness and grief that we try to hide them. Push them to the back of our mind until we have temporarily forgotten them – until we have temporarily erased them. But the imprint of what has happened is always there. Burning a constant flame that will never go out. A day will come when this barrier holding back the hidden memories is broken. It deteriorates slowly and piece by piece the truth of what I am trying to hide has awoken from it's slumber. I can't wash this memory away in the shower. No matter how hard I scrub your blood from my skin, it is still there - invisible. I try to scratch it all away. To rip you off my skin. I hope everyday that this memory will go away, heck I wish like a 5 year old during Christmas that your face would just disappear, to just fade away until your presence is no more. But your face is still there, and your screaming leaves a constant scar to my ears. I can hear it everywhere burning away at my ear drums until I must scream at the top of my lungs to drown out your sound. Sometimes it becomes just too much that I cry. Yes I cry and although it does not make it all go away, it makes me feel better… makes me feel closer to you.
But we were not heroes fighting on different sides. We were cowards. In our mutual shame, we hid our eyes from the world to blind them from the truth. The truth that somewhere in our hearts there was something there for each other. You were my weakness and now my downfall. I constantly ignored this feeling of devotion. A Malfoy does not love. It is just not possible. Just not acceptable. But we managed to put our clothes on everyday, containing this feeling as we put on that mask to fool the world. And that is what made us cowards.
Let me tell you now, the darkness scares the living daylights out of me. At one time, the darkness was our friend. It hid our faces as we patrolled the halls of Hogwarts. God I looked forward to those nights. Although we did not speak of this feeling, although we did not touch, although we kept up on using our snarky remarks on each other whenever we passed each other, keeping to our masks, it was that damn feeling that connected us. I knew you could feel it too. I could see it in your eyes and you could see it in mine. I just wish that I could have just got one kiss … Just one hug from you. I just needed that feeling to be satisfied even if it were for just 5 seconds… It was like a drug addiction that needed satisfying. Even if I hated you so much for who you were, I just needed to be satisfied. But we both knew that it could never be. We were born on separate sides to fight. We were brought up with the morals and purpose to fight each other. We were designed to kill each other. The darkness is what brings your memory back to me. The darkness is what breaks the silence, bringing the throbbing screaming back to my heart.
Each day I think of you, my love for you still grows. And as I sit here, this is what I do for you. I want to fight the truth one final time and just forget you. Forget every reason why I hated you, forget that feeling why I love you. But I can't. I just can't let go.
It's been exactly 3 months of the painful truth eating away in me. Torturing me with the thought that I miss you. With the thought that I, Draco Malfoy was the one who became famous for your downfall. I am your murderer. I was the one that drove your wand into your own flesh. It was I who muttered those 2 words that one fears most. It is I, who I hate with such malice. I am the one that does not deserve to live.
Damn you. Damn you for not fighting me. You could have killed me with a flick of your wand before I could even blink. You could have defeated me and you knew it. You had that battle in the palm of your hands. You could have lived … I would have died for you, but you beat me to it. It was you who died for me. And I don't deserve that.
As your body lays 6 feet underground at the memorial graveyard for the fallen, it is deteriorating and will soon be just a pile of broken bones. But your soul will live on as youth and you memory will linger unchanged … Untouched…
I need to be with you for I cannot bear this all alone. I want to be with you and a Malfoy always gets what he wants.
I am coming for you Hermione Jane Granger.
Hermione Jane Granger
RIP
16/03/80 – 27/09/01
Draco Lucius Malfoy
RIP
17/01/80 – 27/12/01