A/N: This was written at one AM by my beta reader/sister. You're welcome.
"Hey, Hinata-kun," Komaeda said, "What are you doing tonight?"
"Not you," replied Hinata, as he pivoted on his heel and walked away in one fluid motion.
"Drat," said Komaeda, as he wandered off dejectedly. "I was really hoping I would get lucky."
"Did someone say… hope?"
Komaeda spun around to find a very fashionable girl roughly his age looking at him with the kind of gleam in her eye that scared off most sane people.
"Yes, I did," said Komaeda confidently. "Do you like hope too?"
"No!" the girl yelled. "I hate hope! It should be destroyed in order to cause despair!"
"You must be Junko Enoshima," Komaeda said angrily. "And despair is only good for overcoming so that you can have more hope. By the way, my name is Nagito Komaeda."
"I hate you!" Junko screamed, apparently recognizing his name, "How dare you spread so much disgusting hope!"
"I hate you for hating hope!" Komaeda hollered back.
"Wanna have sex?" Junko boomed.
"Sure!" Komaeda shouted. He then suddenly brightened up. "See," he said, "I knew I would get lucky tonight. I always do."
"Every night?" Junko asked.
Komaeda nodded. "It actually gets quite exhausting." He paused a moment, then added, "You know, if I were really lucky, then my partner would have a much more bangable rear end."
Junko looked offended for a second, but her expression gave way to surprise. She clapped her hands to her butt. "Holy poo poo," she whispered reverently. "That is the roundest, most kneadable rear end I've ever imagined. You might even say it's despair-inducingly sexy."
Komaeda came around behind her and slapped her buttocks. A choir of angels began singing. "gently caress yeah!" he sang, excited.
Junko spun around and grabbed him, kissing him passionately. Actually, she was trying to bite his tongue off. Same thing, really.
"Hope-loving bastard," she moaned. "I want you to gently caress me."
Komaeda hesitated. "Wait, do you mean 'gently caress' like gently caress, or 'gently caress' like-"
"gently caress me hard. Now. Against the wall," Junko clarified.
Komaeda then proceeded to violently dangle her ronpas.
The End.