Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Carribean, that's Disney's, but I do own Alice, she's all mine.

My name is Alice Turner. You've probably never heard of me. I'm not surprised to be perfectly honest. Stories always tend to leave out the most important character, especially if she has the unfortunate fate of being a woman. Well I can assure you that I do, in fact, exist, and though you may think you know the story of my life, you are, in effect, mistaken.

My little brother is William Turner and he had been in love with Elizabeth Swan since before I can remember. She was all he ever spoke about and it was infuriatingly annoying when you are trying to learn how to use a sword. I did though, and just for the record I was a far better swordsman than he was, but if he had merely gotten his head out of the clouds and concentrated on what he was doing he would have been far harder to beat.

So anyway, one day these pirates attacked Port Royal right, and I'm getting my sword and my knife ready and Will is saying "Stay here you'll be safe" and I'm thinking, are you crazy? I'm coming with you. But I don't say that, I just wait until he leaves and then sneak out the back door and spend the night killing pirates and rescuing children. It was tremendous fun. But then I get home and where is Will? And I'm thinking oh great; he's gone and got himself killed because he wasn't concentrating on fighting he was thinking about Miss Swan.

I really don't know what he sees in her, honestly, the girl has no personality. She does have pretty dresses though. What I wouldn't give for one of her pretty dresses. Hey, I may be a sword-fighting blacksmith (though Will claims that he makes all the swords, ha! Good joke Bro) but that doesn't mean that I don't dream of ribbons and corsets and fans. Unfortunately I only have one dress and it is a terrible brown colour, and since I'm a little short on appropriate undergarments I have to wear a pair of Will's breeches underneath – don't tell.

Anyway so I started to run around town looking for Will and I couldn't find him anywhere, seriously. I even checked at the Governor's house but they were a bit annoyed and said something about Elizabeth being kidnapped. So I guess one good thing came out of the pirate attack.

Then who do I spy but Will conversing with a pirate! And not just any pirate but the one that almost choked his beloved Miss Swan and let all of Port Royal see her in her underwear. (I must say I had a little chuckle at that, someone should commend that pirate, who, by the way, is ridiculously attractive.)

So anyway, there is Will sneaking around the docks with a Pirate who seems to be intent on stealing a ship, and not just any ship but the fastest ship in the Caribbean. I must say he has good taste for a pirate. But they have cooked up some hair brained scheme to take it so while they were walking across the bottom of the ocean with a dingy over their heads looking like complete tossers I just snuck on board the Interceptor and waited for them to get her well out to sea before anyone noticed I was there.

I must admit the pirate's plan was pretty genius, and it made the poncy soldiers look like a bunch of idiots in wigs (which let's face it, they are). And off we were to sea before anyone even bothered to check the apple barrel for Will's, more attractive, big sister.

Of course when I did reveal myself (quite by accident, might I add, they were playing some silly game with the boom and they knocked my barrel over) there was a whole lot of "what are you doing here?! You shouldn't have come!" etc and I was all "Well I can't very well go back now" and the pirate, who apparently is called Jack Sparrow got me to climb the rigging and keep a look out, which I am amazing at, by the way.

Then, we finally pulled into Port at Tortuga where I was promptly ordered to "Stay with the ship" which, of course, I did not do.