AN: I found this story I wrote about a year ago lost in random documents. Apparently this was my first attempt at writing a tragic story...so I hope you like it. I've been considering a sequel, so I'd like to hear what you thought of this story.
Loneliness. It's like I've been exiled from reality, along with RiverClan.
Wolfsky stared into the forested distance, unaware of time moving on. All she knew was that no cat would ever accept her again. After she had been exiled from RiverClan, she had fled into unknown territory.
They don't understand me...they don't understand what I was forced to do...the sacrifices I was forced to make... Wolfsky blinked quickly. Now was one of the few times she was truly aware of herself. She kept slipping into a different world, moving farther away with every passing moment. All she could think about was fading StarClan spirits.
It had all started with a stunning silver cat haunting Wolfsky's dreams, nightmares of power and death. She had never told anyone in RiverClan about the cat, for she didn't want them to worry. But if Wolfsky had told just one Clan member, she might still be in RiverClan.
Wolfsky remembered a silver cat, just like the one she'd dreamed about, climbing out of the depths of the river in her territory. The silver cat didn't seem tired at all from swimming. In fact, it was filled with energy. The cat seemed like it didn't just perform a normally exhausting task. It seemed more like it slept for a moon and awoke brightly. The silver cat, with no distinct Clan scent, had looked surprised to see Wolfsky.
As reality faded for the first time, I suddenly felt as free as the wind. It was like I had stepped inside my dreams, encountered the silver cat for real. A horrible vision flashed by of the cat motionless on the ground, covered in its own blood. Without thinking, I said shakily, "What do you want from me?" I heard the silver cat whisper a reply, but it was like I couldn't understand cats anymore. It was like I wasn't even a cat at all. Suddenly, every fading part of the real world vanished, replaced by a thick darkness. I felt myself move, even though I could not see anything. I heard a desperate yowl. I felt hard ground against my side, and I was unable to think.
Wolfsky shook herself out of the past. She wished she had known then, known what had happened to her. "No," Wolfsky mewed out loud. "RiverClan is no longer my home. The past is in the past." She felt anxiety building up inside her despite the words. She darted around the trees, hoping she would feel at least a slight bit of freedom. Wolfsky had felt locked up ever since she discovered the reason things kept fading around her. She was ready to give in to another world, but something kept her holding on to the nothingness that was reality.
I blinked and found myself curled up in Birchspots' medicine den. "What happened?" I mumbled, not even bothering to look up. I sounded distant, like I was still in a different place. Like I was only half connected to reality. I heard an angry meow above me, but I wasn't conscious enough to hear the words clearly. I blinked rapidly and pulled myself into a sitting position. Birchspots and Fernstar were staring at me, looking crestfallen. Fernstar explained to me that she was leading a patrol when she saw a bright glow. She had seen me murder the silver cat and pass out. When Fernstar told me who the strange cat really was, I was furious with myself for not realizing. I also didn't realize that cat spirits were somehow visible to many living cats...
Wolfsky struggled to stay conscious as her past dragged her down again. She would always hate herself for her inability to tell a living cat from a dead cat. She would always hate herself for murdering the silver StarClan cat. She would always hate that she couldn't tell the cat was a fallen warrior, a spirit risen to the sky, risen to the stars. Why isn't StarClan's glow visible to me?
I stared into the river, standing on the exact patch of grass the warrior had died at my claws. An unfamiliar scent surrounded me, and I didn't move. I barely even breathed. I didn't want to uncontrollably hurt another cat. I heard a distant-sounding meow from somewhere behind me. "My name is Darkpetal. With me are Sandflame and Fallenpool." I didn't recognize any of the names. I felt bursts of unconsciousness as I slowly turned around. Darkpetal noticed the shocked look in my eyes and said, "We are warriors of the Dark Forest, sent to find a living cat to aid us in taking over the Clans." There was a very evil glow in the warriors' eyes, a glow that suggested murder and torture. Something inside of me broke, and I knew that these three cats were the reason I couldn't control myself. Why did they have to choose me, out of all Clan cats?
Wolfsky sighed desperately as she studied her surroundings. She hadn't even noticed that her paws were carrying her away from the dense trees. She was now in a grassy clearing with plants she didn't know by name. She scented a nearby Thunderpath as she tried to concentrate on something other than Darkpetal and her warriors.
The Dark Forest cats had explained to me that I apparently wasn't normal. I could travel between worlds and see things other cats couldn't, though I never figured out what that truly meant. Now that I knew it, it started happening more often. I blinked and found myself to be in a blank, lifeless forest. Darkpetal, Sandflame, and Fallenpool appeared in front of me, watching a glowing tortoiseshell fade slowly. Another StarClan cat. I wanted to protect the tortured cat, but I felt the Dark Forest warriors taking over me again. I blinked, and I was back in reality, a tortoiseshell cat at my paws. I heard distant, angry mews from passing RiverClan warriors. I didn't care. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I wanted to control myself, but there was no hope. I sliced open the tortoiseshell's throat. The desperate StarClan spirit quickly faded, along with the world.
Wolfsky closed her eyes, telling herself she was some kind of horrible beast. She angrily remembered that she had tried so hard to be an innocent RiverClan warrior. But the Dark Forest was more powerful than her will. She had become a complete monster, so lost in a different world that she didn't know who she was anymore.
As the sun set behind her, Wolfsky stepped out of the clearing to the edge of the Thunderpath she had scented. I don't know StarClan, or myself. All I know is that I hate whatever I am, and I hate the Dark Forest, more than any other cat in existence. I really wish this had never happened...
Wolfsky knew that however much she missed RiverClan, she could never go back. She could never be accepted. No one understood. They couldn't understand. They didn't see the war going on between spirits. The Dark Forest was controlling most of Wolfsky's thoughts and actions. She had spent her last days in RiverClan forgetting who she was, wondering why she felt so loyal to Darkpetal...so evil. Wondering why she couldn't stop herself from fading like the many StarClan cats she had been forced to kill.
The weather only made Wolfsky's thoughts worse. She watched a single raindrop fall onto the Thunderpath in front of her. She felt like she was burning, a huge fire rising inside of her. A hated, angered, undying flame in the storm. A fire she desperately wanted to put out, a fire that wouldn't be extinguished with rain.
Night had fallen, and the gray sky became darker. As the rain grew heavier and heavier, Wolfsky became more and more desperate to be back in RiverClan with her Clanmates, her friends. They weren't her friends now, though. She wished she could make them understand and see what she was going through. Wolfsky felt like she was drowning, the Dark Forest was pulling her deeper into a black river, farther away from reality...
The rain seemed to symbolize everything that had happened to Wolfsky. As it soaked her fur, she thought about the events that had led to her depression, alone at the edge of the quiet Thunderpath. Even though she was freezing with cold, Wolfsky's spirit was still burning with bright fire. A fire not created for warmth, but for destruction. A fire that would destroy everything Wolfsky had ever known.
The heavy sheet of rain pounded on the Thunderpath. It was like Wolfsky was one of the millions of tiny drops, falling forever, everything crashing down around her. Eventually hitting the ground hard and dissolving into almost nothing. Wolfsky felt nearly empty. Defeated, hopeless, broken.
Not only broken mentally, she was heartbroken. Heartbroken by the Dark Forest. Heartbroken by herself, although it wasn't her fault her life had turned out so badly. Wolfsky couldn't stand the pain anymore. She just wanted to give in to the dark world inside of her. But she decided that it wasn't giving up or death that she wanted. She wanted to be nonexistent. She wanted to be like the innocent, faded StarClan warriors and leave to a peaceful, empty world.
However, Wolfsky couldn't be innocent or alone. Scenes replayed in her mind. She had several visions, many involving death. She would forever be part of the Dark Forest, even when she did fade from all worlds. She would forever have the feeling that glass had shattered inside her. She would forever have the feeling that she was fully unrepairable. No, that wasn't a feeling. That was a fact.
Wolfsky curled up on the edge of the Thunderpath. She could barely feel anything anymore. Cold, fear, and sadness threatened to take over her body. She didn't want to save herself anymore. All she wanted was to stay here forever, without thoughts or feelings.
She looked up at the thundering sky. A flash of lightning pierced the darkness. Everything she could possibly be upset about swirled inside her. That was when she realized. She realized that the angry fire had gone out, leaving a cold numbness. She realized that she had become the emptiness inside of her.
She was destroyed.