Jon -
Things are going as well as can be expected. Everyone listens to me, which is a welcome change.
I hope it was worth going halfway across the Seven Kingdoms to meet with the Mad King's daughter after changing your mind on a whim. If you don't come back with a mountain of dragonglass, possibly new allies, and ideally some more food, there might be a revolt.
From me. Because seriously.
Sansa
Sansa -
So far so good. The dragon queen has entirely too many titles, some of which mean absolutely nothing to me, but her dragons are real and also kind of assholes. We'd barely gotten to the island when one of them swooped down, and it seems like it was literally just to scare us.
There's a shit ton of dragonglass here, though, and the queen has decided to let us mine it and bring it back to Winterfell. Unclear on whether she believes me, but it's something. She keeps whinging on about "bending the knee," which you'll be happy to hear I've refused to do. Some battles went south, so I think she's starting to need us as much as we need her.
I miss having you blatantly challenge my authority in front of all our lords and ladies. It's preferable to Davos bungling announcing who I am and trying to engage in bro talk about Queen Daenerys (who is admittedly not actually that bad, all things considered).
Tyrion Lannister sends good wishes.
Jon
Jon -
Tell Tyrion I said hi. Of all the men I've been betrothed/married to, he's by far the least awful and the most worthy to still be alive. Which worked out quite conveniently, actually.
So Bran and Arya both showed up, and they're both kind of crazy. I'm happy to see them and all, but seriously. What the fuck. Come home and deal with them, they were always your favorite siblings, not mine. I'm happy to keep taking care of the other stuff, but they're super creepy.
Sansa
Sansa,
Working on it. Since when do you say fuck?
Jon
Jon,
Well, Bran's having visions of a lot of shit he really shouldn't know, and it's frankly pretty creepy. He's also claiming that he both learned from the three-eyed raven and is the three-eyed raven. He's basically refused to elaborate on any of that, but he says he needs to talk to you. Yes, I asked him for details. He's refused to give those, too.
Arya apparently has a list of people she's planning to murder. I kind of thought that it was a joke, but then Bran confirmed the existence of the list and Cersei's being on it. I mean, I don't disagree in theory, but I also feel like this little sword she's carrying has a pretty high body count? And also she talked Brienne into sparring with her and then won?
Oh, and she's also got that Valyrian steel dagger that was supposed to be used to kill Bran. Littlefinger gave it to Bran for some reason (?), and he gave it to Arya. Probably to murder our enemies or something.
I think I've got it sorted for the moment, but our family is actually really fucked up.
Sansa
Sansa,
What the actual fuck. On my way.
Jon