"Choo Choo I love you"
A Bojangles original
It was a normal day on Sodor Island, it was a warm spring's morning and all of the female animals were giving birth, very loudly, sometimes sounding like a scene from a low budget indie horror film, however nothing was louder than the sound of a late-for-work Thomas the Tank engine.
"OoOh Hot diggity pockets I'm going to be so late again, quick, more coal!" Yelled Thomas as he emerged from the train lodge rapidly.
"Hurry up you lazy Bastard!" Moaned Percy as he too was running late because Thomas forgot to set the alarm.
"Don't get cheeky you lil cunt ok?!" Exclaimed Thomas in a threatening manner. Percy was the smallest engine on the entire island, as a result of this he was bullied and mocked on his arrival by the big trains, this meant that he was more aggressive than the others and had trust issues that deeply affected his relationships with his lovers.
As Thomas and Percy dashed to the station, Thomas was overwhelmed with guilt and realised that no matter how many trains he fucked or how much coal he consumed, he was always going to be hollow inside... Not literally of course considering he's a fucking steam train. He glanced at Percy, he noticed how his green painted coat glistened in the radiance of the sun.
"Oh so green, so pure... But he's such a cunt" whispered Thomas
Thomas knew how insecure Percy was, this was why he simply could not keep playing with his heart like this. Thomas could not love, oh how he tried yet time after every unsuccessful time, he broke the heart of another. Although he could not love, he could still care, which is why he punished himself every time one of his catastrophic, yet passionate relationships came to and end. As the wind forced itself against a charging Thomas, he contemplated how he would do it, how he would break the news to Percy, how the words would spill gently from his lips like cheap bourbon from the mouth of a fallen drunk. Wow, so deep.
"Percy, I-I..."
"What is it you absolute Thunder Cunt?! We are already half an hour late, all because you take forever to cum, now fucking hurry up!".
"God dammit Percy you ignorant shit, we must speak, not with such harsh tongues, but with delicate words woven from the silks crafted from the bottom of our charcoal hearts" Thomas said this in such despair, but to no surprise, Percy resisted.
"MAte I will FUCK you up! And not the way you usually like it you cheap slut, now please please please please please please hurry up and get to work with me, perhaps Nick will finally man up and let us have a ménage a trois with him ahaaaAHAAHAahaehe".
"No but Percy..."
"LISTEN WHORE, I WILL STRIKE DOWN THE WRATH OF PERCY ON YOU SO HARD, THAT YOUR ENGINE WILL NEVER QUITE BE THE SAME, NOW COME ON. AND DON'T TRASH TALK BACK TO BE OR I SWEAR, I DOUBLE SWEAR, I WILL TELL THE ENTIRE STATION ABOUT THE 'ACCIDENT'. OK".
You see, the accident is something that changed Thomas forever, something that made him reflect on his entire existence, perhaps even made him regret it all. Ok really he just took a shit load of acid and entered a 10 party orgy involving Percy, a few colleagues and his second cousin. All was going well until Thomas began to enter a bad trip and began crying louder than the newborn lambs of the spring and then took a shit in his bosses mouth, you could say that Nick was... Furious (this is totally not foreshadowing). It was like a Greek tragedy being rewritten by a German porn director.
Ridden with a temper from their previous feud, Thomas and Percy entered the station in vain, like a bratwurst in a rectum.