"Life on Avenue Q: A tale of puppets, problems, and forgiveness."
My name is Princeton, I'm a 22-year-old fella just out of college. I'm not sure if it was a waste or not. All that time and work and all I got was a piece of paper saying I've got a B.A. in English. They were no help in finding a use for the damn thing, but I knew if I played my cards right I'd make a difference. That brings me to the situation of looking for a place to live. New York is huge and I've looked on avenues A-P with no luck. I was honestly close to giving up hope, but moving back in with my folks wasn't high on my list of options. It was a good thing I went ahead and checked the next avenue over, because they had a for rent sign and the price wasn't bad. I immediately moved in.
So now here I am, the newest resident of avenue Q. As great as having a place to live is, I'm still swimming in debt because my job fell through. 'What the hell am I gonna do?' I thought wearily as I sat on the front stoop, hoping the night air would clear my head. I thought about giving up, but that's when I found it, the sign I needed. It was a penny from the year I was born. I stuffed it in my pocket and headed back up to my apartment. Now, as I lie here in bed, I'm able to think of all the other good things I'd found here on Q. Nicky and Rod are cool, so are Gary and Brian. Christmas eve seems a little high strung but now that I think about it, I can see she means well. As for Trekkie, he just keeps to himself watching porn. Then there was her: Kate Monster.
Kate was something else. She was smart, she was funny, and man was she pretty. Not to mention her dream of starting a school for monsters. She was just so passionate. It'd been a few weeks since I had moved in but I couldn't get her outta my mind. Not to mention I had a raging hard on. This called for action, so I got outta bed and put on some music. That's when it hit me, I'd make Kate a mix tape for her birthday in a few days. However, this was easier said than done, because as soon as I started adding songs I got nervous. Taking a break, I decided to send her an online card.
'Dear Kate, I haven't known you long but you're an amazing friend. Thanks for making me feel welcome. Hope you have the happiest of birthdays, Princeton.'
I added a few smiley faces to the end before hitting send. Writing that gave me the courage to finish the mix tape. Once that was done, I indulged in Trekkie's favorite pastime to relieve my frustration, then I went to bed and dreamt of her. The next morning, I milled around the halls, saying hi to anyone I passed. The next morning, once I was sure she was up, I went over to Kate's. She was happy to see me, making my stomach flip in happiness that soon turned into something uncomfortable. "Can I use your bathroom?" I asked awkwardly. Damn my nervous bowels! Once that issue was taken care of, I came back to find her examining the tracks carefully. "I wouldn't go in there for a while." I warned, only half joking. I then scrambled to change the subject. "Look at the last song." I told her with a smile.
When she saw the title was 'How to say I love you in a song', Kate went red under her fur. "Princeton that's so sweet. I've never gotten such a nice present from a guy." She said as she hugged me. That's when I decided to ask what'd been on my mind since last night. "So, Brian's opening a show tonight at the round the clock café, wanna go with me….like, as my girlfriend?" I asked in a braver tone than I thought possible. I was so excited and surprised when she said yes that I couldn't hold back the shout of happiness that'd been building up since I'd been here. I was slightly embarrassed but she gave me a quick hug and thanked me again, so that helped. I glanced at my watch and saw how late in the day it'd gotten. I'd spent most of the day with Kate without even realizing. We both decided we needed time to get ready so we said "See ya later." And I left.
Later that night, after making sure I was as spiffed up as a clueless 22-year-old could get, I met Kate at the cafe. She was stunning. When she called me handsome, I sputtered and said "You too, shit, I mean you're a knock out.". Soon after that Brian got on stage and did a short routine before introducing the singer: someone called Lucy the slut. She was a big breasted bimbo that honestly just made me uncomfortable. She wasn't sweet and modest like Kate. The slut tried to hit on me, so I ordered Kate and I some long island iced teas to ignore the annoyance. Soon after that, things got…fuzzy in a few ways. Kate and I started kissing, a lot. Soon after, we went home and I had one of the best nights of my life. After we'd had our fun, we just held each other. I'd never been close to someone like that before, but after being with her like that, I knew Kate was the one. "I love you, Kate." I told her softly. I was shocked when she kissed my cheek and said she loved me too.
The next morning, I woke up alone and hungover, so I threw on a bathrobe. I walked around wondering if I'd been blessed enough to have last night happen, only to find my love sitting in my living room talking angrily with her boss. When she hung up, she turned to me and smiled. "I just quit my job. If I'm gonna teach, it's gonna be my way." She announced. I nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. We had coffee and got dressed, then Kate gave me a long kiss before heading back to her apartment. I sat there with a stupid grin on my face, then I decided to see what the rest of my neighbors were up to. Rod and Nicky were doing their usual bickering, and Gary was selling his stuff. It was Brian that had the buildings big news. He and Christmas eve were finally getting married. Everyone was invited.
A few weeks later, we were all there as they tied the knot. Everything was going good until Nicky said Rod was gay, causing both of them to leave. After that, things got even worse. Kate caught the bouquet and smiled at me, sending me into a full-blown panic. "Kate, I have something I need to say. I feel like I've lost track of finding my purpose. Can we please just be friends?" I asked nervously. I love Kate, but I wasn't sure what else to do. My heart broke when I saw her reaction. "If you can't commit we need to end this." She said, both angry and hurt. I couldn't find the words, so I nodded and left. When I got outside, I broke down. At home, I drowned my sorrows with half a case of beer. What was I so afraid of? Loving her or losing myself? Either way, she was gone and my life was shot to hell.
I walked outside to find Lucy from the café wandering around knocking on doors. When she saw me, her face lit up. "Hey sugah, can a girl get a place to crash? I'll make it worth your while." She suggested with a wink. I had already hit rock bottom, so I had nothing to lose by saying yes. What followed was angry sex and regret. I missed Kate, I needed her. The next morning, Kate came by. I tried to tell her it was a bad time, but she wouldn't listen. She'd seen Lucy and coldly asked "Is her name purpose?" I didn't know what to say, so I walked to the bar for a drink while Lucy stayed at the apartment. I had several beers and some whiskey. I must've had too much, because when I woke up, it was the next morning and I had one hell of a hangover. On my way home, I passed Nicky, who was now completely homeless because Rod had kicked him out. Seeing Nicky ask for money gave me an idea. What if I could raise money to help fund Kate's monster school? Then she'd take me back! I bathed in the genius of the idea, then went home. My happiness was short lived, because when I got back, Lucy was gone (apparently some idiot had dropped a penny from the empire state and hit her), and there was a torn note on the floor. After piecing it together, I saw it was from Kate. She wanted me to meet her last night. Fuck! I just couldn't catch a break. Still determined, I went around and collected as much money as I could from the neighbors. I was surprised when Trekkie gave the most, 10 million! I thanked everyone then went to find Kate. When I found her, she gave me the coldest of cold shoulders. "You stood me up. You keep hurting me." She said flatly. I did what any man with dignity would do in this situation, I fell to my knees and begged her to take me back, showing her the $10 million dollars of startup money I'd gathered. "Even if you don't take me back I want you to have this. You deserve to live your dream. Even more than that, you deserve all the happiness in the world. I want you to know I'd do anything to give you that." I said quietly. I was surprised when Kate took my hand and kissed it. "Thank you. We can work this out but it has to be one day at a time," she said with a smile. "I'm gonna be pretty busy with getting the school started." I told her I understood and that I would help however I could. Then we kissed and went our separate ways for that day. I went home to find Rod had let Nicky back in and that Rod now had a boyfriend that looked a hell of a lot like Nicky named Ricky and that Lucy had turned to Christianity after her head injury. Everything was going to be fine in the end. This was real life on Avenue Q and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
End.
Epilogue: a year and a half later.
Hey, Princeton here again. Everything has gone really well. Brian and Christmas eve moved up to a high-end apartment on avenue P and are both happy in their jobs, Gary actually has a little money in the bank (for now) and is still the super of our building, Trekkie is now a well-known porn director but still lives upstairs. Nicky, Rod, and Ricky are living happily, with the couple now married and in their own apartment while Nicky lives across the hall. Lucy is an avid churchgoer and is now a successful singer of modern Christian music at night. I guess that just leaves me and Kate. We're doing better than ever, but still taking things slow. We alternate staying at each other's place and have thought about moving in together. The monster school has boomed and has over 100 students. That also meant I got to put my B.A. to use as the school's director of writing and literature.