We have not touched the stars,
nor are we forgiven, which brings us back
to the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,
not from the absence of violence, but despite
the abundance of it.
Snow and Dirty Rain, Richard Siken
I.
It is a broken world outside.
However, in the confines of one of the grand ballrooms in one of most exclusive resorts in Orb, there is no hint of the desolation ongoing elsewhere in the world.
Cagalli sees all of the grandeur—from the draped silk over marble pillars to the bruschetta and caviar for hors d'ourves to the pronounced velvet on the dresses of the escorts of the different representatives—and blanches at the sight. There is nothing that disgusts her more than the great contradiction in their government. How can all of them indulge in such luxuries when they have the knowledge that somewhere out there is the gruesome sight of mangled limbs and burnt cities?
"Pay attention, Cagalli."
Her vision focuses on the comforting gray which frames her father's face. She scrunches her eyebrows because her father should not be an exception to her own scrutiny of the representatives, but her heart is conflicted. Uzumi Nara Athha, as she has known for her entire life, is a man of strong convictions and of peace.
"How can you stand all of this?" she mutters as he walks in step with her to their seats at the very front of the room. She stumbles once and internally curses Myrna for giving her such uncomfortable heels to wear for whatever day they are supposedly celebrating. "Father, outside Orb it's—"
"It is none of our concern," he cuts in smoothly, not sparing her a glance. He nods in acknowledgment at the people bowing to their Chief Representative and to their Princess. "We are a neutral state and we will not meddle in the affairs of others. You know the words of our nation, Cagalli."
"But those rumors about Morgenroete helping the Earth Forces develop mobile suits in Heliopolis—"
She stops mid-sentence as he gives her a warning look. Cagalli huffs and puts her chin up higher than before. They are now seated on their cushioned chairs atop a small platform. The guests before her cower slightly once they were on the receiving end of the Princess's glare, but retain their front of courtesy and respect—and whatever which is to be afforded for the most powerful and influential family of their country.
"Please, Cagalli." Uzumi sighs and Cagalli's shoulders hunches in defeat. "Not today."
The door on the left side of the room swings open and a woman rolls in a cart with a tall five-tier cake which Cagalli knows is filled with lemon chiffon and laced with vanilla icing—it is for her father, after all, and her father is very picky with his dessert. The woman looks more than ecstatic as she pushes the cart; probably more than honored to have been chosen as the creator of a cake which was nothing short of perfect.
Once the cake is in front of them and after the woman has basked in her two-minute walk of fame, Cagalli takes her cue and stands, walks the short distance to the microphone stand and does what she hates the most: act like a princess.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen; representatives, friends and esteemed guests," she says through her big smile—gritted teeth, really. There is a flash from a camera of one reporter and she tries her best to continue with her front. "I, Cagalli Yula Athha, am grateful that you all are present today to join me as we celebrate my father's birthday."
She awkwardly shifts her weight, trying to balance herself in her dreaded shoes. The hall is quiet as everyone tuned into the speech being given by the blonde. Cagalli wants to roll her eyes, but her father is watching her and will punish her accordingly for whatever misdeed she is to do or attempt to do tonight.
Let us forget for a moment that someone—whether they are here on earth or out in space—is dying; instead let us revel in such extravagances!
"Well, I don't really have anything else to say." There is a pause as part of the audience chuckle; the others, in Cagalli's opinion, are too old to hear her. "Father already knows that he is my world as I know that Orb, this nation we all love, is his. All the representatives here can attest to that fact."
A server brings a glass of sparkling cider to her and she takes it with one gloved hand and raises it past her shoulder. The members in the audience follow suit and Cagalli turns to face her father.
For the first time that night, her smile is genuine.
"To the heir of Orb, Chief Representative; my father, Lord Uzumi Nara Athha."
II.
How is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?
Cagalli feels her knees weakening and the nausea overcoming her senses.
"Father, you've betrayed us all!" she cries and falls to the floor. She is oblivious to everything else around her—the bullets ricocheting against the walls and the bodies dropping on the floor—and gives into the heavy weight in her chest. Did her father not believe in the neutrality of their nation? What are these weapons before her and how could they be here in Heliopolis, a colony of Orb, the land of peace?
"Crying won't do you any good!" She doesn't know how her legs are still supporting her, but she is being dragged by this boy who doesn't know anything. Who is he? Why is he helping her? "Come on! Run!"
She is snapped back to her senses when he starts to push her into a bright elevator—to where? Cagalli looks around and realizes this leads to one of the evacuation pods underneath the colony. It only fits one more person and this boy—whoever he is—has saved her, but who is going to save him?
"Just get in! I'll go to the other side. I'll be all right—"
"Wait! You—"
The door slams shut and the shaft travels downward. Cagalli is nauseous and betrayed and to top everything off, the life of that boy is now on her conscience.
Father already knows he is my world—
"Miss!" Another man, a soldier assigned to man the escape pod, holds her up as her limbs no longer can support her weight when the doors open again. "Are you okay?"
"No," she answers shakily. "No, I—"
Gasps break out all over the room and her head snaps to the screen where live footage of Heliopolis crumbling down is being shown.
It is a broken world outside.
And now it is hers which has shattered.
III.
"I was there in Heliopolis! I saw it burn down in front of my own eyes—"
"Do you want to explain to me what you were doing up in space? Haumea knows how you got there—"
"I don't need to explain anything to you! You're the one who has explaining to do!"
"Since when did I answer to a spoiled daughter?"
"Since you decided that your daughter isn't worth personally watching over! Since you stopped caring for me and handed me over to Myrna! My love for Orb stemmed not out of an altruistic sense of patriotism, but because you loved it more than anything else in the galaxy and I thought doing so would make you love me!"
What could not be helped: the gravitation field around the earth which let her tears fall freely to the ground, the particles in the air around them which carried the sound of her crying; how she had never truly felt like she was part of a family?
"Am I to call you Father? Are you my father at all? You should know who you are, Lord Uzumi; if not a father to me, then at least to the citizens of Orb."
"Cagalli—"
"Those weapons I saw in Heliopolis, those machines which are now in Zaft's control, they have the power to destroy and to kill. Why would you grant anyone that power? Naturals, coordinators—I thought you were impartial to them; I thought you believed that a person's worth was not to be measured from the circumstance of their birth! But to give your aid to the Earth Forces, to help in the creation of something with the intent to fight…"
He is silent after her outburst. Cagalli glares at the speechless Chief Representative—how could she call him her father after everything she has seen?
"I'm leaving."
Finally, Uzumi speaks and stands from his office chair. From across the table, Cagalli tries not to show how her resolve is faltering—especially with the stern look on his face.
"You are not going anywhere. You know nothing of the world! It is not safe for you—"
"It's not safe for anyone anywhere! We're at war and Orb is now a target of Zaft because of those machines!"
"No one's going to watch over you—"
"Like you have?" Cagalli scoffs, shaking her head as years of disappointment from the accumulated missed birthdays and award recognition days, from not having a father to show off what she's learned or done. "I've learned to stop expecting someone to watch over or protect me."
She walks out of his office, of the parliament building with odd stares coming from those she passes by before they bow down in respect. Once she returns back to the Athha estate—the home that has never felt like a home—she gets to packing and heads to their private shooting range to let off steam.
It doesn't surprise the next day when a man at the airport approaches her and introduces himself as Kisaka Ledonir, a colonel from the navy and her escort until she returns to Orb. If the knowledge that this man is there with her will bring her father peace, then she will at least give him that.
IV.
His name is Ahmed. He is the only boy the same age as her fighting in the resistance and they easily form a bond. She learns new things from him, how to drive and adjust accordingly in the harsh sands of the desert; in return, she teaches him how to shoot a gun. His aim is better than hers, but she knows that she is a better driver than him.
His name is Kira. They are reunited and his being alive eases her after the countless days she has spent wondering about him. They fight side by side, go out and eat kebab—that is, at least before they meet the Desert Tiger.
Later, Cagalli sees her friends die—watches as Ahmed dies in her arms—and it is only now that the war becomes her reality.
It is Kira who understands how it is to take and to lose, how it is to shoot and to be shot at. There is a mutual understanding between them based on what they've done and what they will do, but there is still a stronger connection between them which Cagalli doesn't comprehend entirely. While they haven't exactly said that they are friends, Cagalli is sure that is what they are. She leaves the resistance and joins the Archangel—with Kisaka following after her, naturally.
Kira is fighting to protect his friends onboard. Cagalli doesn't know why she is fighting—to learn, to prove something to herself, to her father?
No, she's fighting because she doesn't want to see the world burn, whether it is the Earth or the Plants. She wants the war to end because she wants no one else to die and suffer and he's the one pulling the trigger to that machine—
His name is Athrun.
Cagalli's sure she isn't supposed to be blushing as Kira asks her how she spent her time on that island, but she is. Surely her father wouldn't approve of her taking a small liking to a soldier from Zaft instead of one of sons of the other representatives in Orb—but why is she even considering what her father would think?
V.
"Archangel will proceed into Orb's territorial waters! Do not open fire!"
She may have been a bad daughter, but she will not let this ship sink—she will not die here.
"Who-who are you?" the man at the end of the com-link stuttered, shocked at the appearance of a small blonde teenager from the battleship.
"The question is: who are you? If you lack the authority to make the proper decision, then connect me to the government!" Her heart is pounding too fast and it's the thought of dying which scares her enough to overcome her pride just for the moment. "Put my father, Uzumi Nara Athha, on the line!"
She breathes in. Never mind the wrath of her father—and her own pride be damned.
"I am…"
Who are you?
"I am Cagalli Yula Athha!"
VI.
"Orb will not attack another nation, will not allow another nation to attack them, and will not intervene in the conflict of other nations…"
She looks up at the red Astrays filed inside the Morgenroete building and frowns.
"Orb is such a nation." She glares at the tall machines while Kira takes in the sight of more metal. "Or at least, it was supposed to be such a nation—until my father betrayed it, that is."
"Oh, my." Erica Simmons shakes her head disapprovingly at the Princess's words. "How many times have I told you that it isn't true? Lord Uzumi had no idea about Heliopolis was helping the Earth Forces with mobile suit development—"
"Shut up! Do you think that excuse is acceptable?" To Cagalli, it didn't matter anymore whether he knew or not. "He is the Chief Representative! If he didn't know, that in itself is a crime!"
"That's why he took responsibility."
"You mean handing duties to my uncle and blurting out a bunch of nonsense? Nothing has changed!"
"It can't be helped." Erica sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Lord Uzumi is very important to Orb right now."
"How can you say that about the coward?" she spurts out angrily, recalling who and what had greeted her upon arriving at the estate.
"Lord Uzumi has given you so much love and care over the years. He will be saddened." Erica's eyes gave a pitiful glance at the vengeful girl. "In addition, I'm not surprised to see you get slapped, what with the way you had acted yesterday."
Cagalli lifts her hand and uses her palm to cover her cheek and huffs in indignation and embarrassment. Kira looks to her and his eyes widen as he notices the now quite prominent pink shade on the side of her face.
She hates her father.
VII.
"If you should kill someone's husband, his wife would hate you. If you should kill someone's son, his mother would hate you. And if someone should kill you, I would hate that person. Can't you figure out this vicious cycle?"
If someone were to kill her, why would he care?
No, she is thinking too bitterly; of course he would care if someone killed her—as she, and the rest of the nation, would care if someone were to kill him.
She frowns. Why is he making leaving so difficult? "I understand that! But I can't remain in this country, sitting back like everything's fine—"
"What can you accomplish with such a cheap and smug sense of heroism?" Uzumi is very angry with his daughter, he realizes now as she sees the holster lying on her bed. He places his hands on her shoulders and breathes in and out to calm himself. "Pointing a gun isn't the only way to fight."
She feels her knees giving in—again—and fumbles until she manages to sit on her bed. He continues to eye her thoughtfully and sees that she is holding back tears in her eyes—sincere eyes; her frankness is a trait he's always admired in her. Though she is hasty and recklessly acts upon her instincts, she does so with honest beliefs and good intentions. It is what he loves about her.
Despite whatever she may think, he loves her. He has loved her ever since he first set his eyes on her chubby little cheeks. And he loved watching her grow into the young lady she is now. Perhaps not the most refined, but at least she was more or less morally upright—and that is what matters not just to him, but to the nation she is to inherit.
"I'm sorry," she mutters and her eyes glance up at him furtively.
He smiles at her and she looks surprised as he does so. Perhaps, Uzumi muses to himself, some affection between them has long been overdue.
"Come, Cagalli." Uzumi stands from his seat and walks to his daughter's side, placing his hand on her shoulder. "We can pass by the ice cream store on our way to the dock and pick up a bucket of rocky road."
"You remember my favorite?"
"Of course."
VIII.
It is in her commander's uniform she feels the most powerful. That is, the people in the military base are now actually looking up to her. And as she stands next to her father, he looks down at her—still, what with their height difference—but treats her not as a foolish child, but that of an equal.
And she does not know when all her hatred for him disappears—or if she even hated him to begin with. What Erica said was true: he had given her love and care through her years. And while he was not a constant present in her life before, he certainly is now.
Especially as the war is inevitably drawing closer.
Uzumi places his hand on her head and ruffles her hair. She has taken this as a sign of his affection and accepts the gesture fondly. They have much time to make up for. Since they've taken to staying over at the rooms in the military bases because of how busy they are with the preparations of the military, they have found a way to bond over coffee and hot chocolate—his and her favorite drinks, respectively.
Their days are numbered and yet Cagalli dreams of a future in which her father watches her finish her studies, helps her as she runs for a position in their government, and gives her away at her wedding—but hopefully not to the dreaded Seiran boy. She dreams of a future with no war, where she and her father have all the time in the world to be not the last of the noble Athhas, but the family that they are supposed to be.
IX.
"Father, we'll all escape together!" Everyone else in Kaguya is panicking and running around, frantically typing into their computers and checking on the last-minute additions or repairs to the ships which are going to launch from the mass driver island. "I cannot leave without you."
"Father!"
He continues to ignore her as she continues to call for his attention. All she wants is for him to agree to escape with her because there is no way in hell that she was going to leave him to be burned down by the Earth Forces.
"What's taking you so long?" Finally, he addresses her, turns to her and drags her by the shoulders. "Hurry up!"
His movements surprise her and she jerks back in response, but he resumes pulling her into the ship, into the Kusanagi which is to launch into space and leave Orb and leaving Orb meant leaving her father.
"But—"
"We have our responsibilities and you have yours!"
"But still—"
"If we're left without anyone to carry out our hopes, we're finished!" She looks up at him with tear-filled eyes. "Why can't you understand that?"
She is still in shock and doesn't know what to say. In her head is a jumble of thoughts: please don't leave me don't let me leave without you please Father we'll escape together don't leave me alone please—
Before she knows it, she is being pushed into the arms of Kisaka and she struggles but she is no match for his brute strength.
"Take care of my foolish daughter."
"Yes, Sir!"
"Father!"
She pushes against Kisaka's arms in an attempt to escape, but again his hold makes her look like as if she isn't trying at all. Instead she is immobile in her place and her tears are falling freely. And what could not be helped? By now she has accepted in the inherent gravitational laws. But could war have been helped? Could peace truly be attained?
"Stop giving me that look." Uzumi grimaces, his blue eyes faltering at the sight of his daughter looking so miserable. "It doesn't suit the daughter of the Lion of Orb."
"But—"
"You're parting from your father, but you're not alone." He digs into his pockets and procures the picture he has kept for sixteen years, the photograph which has tortured his conscience as he denied his daughter of the truth of her heritage. But if he is to entrust the future to her, he also has to give her the past. "You'll be with your brother."
Uzumi looks at her for the last time and his heart aches because he wishes she would say something—anything at all—but he has resigned to the fact that she is in shock and instead chooses to be strong for not their nation, but just for her.
"I feel very fortunate to have been your father."
She watches as the door closes in front of her and blanches because of the sense of déjà vu this scenario brings; this has happened to her before, back when she was on Heliopolis, when Kira pushed her into the elevator which led to the escape pod.
What happened to the boy, she wondered about for days but then later discovered.
Cagalli doesn't need to wonder what will happen to her father. She will live the rest of her life—that is, if she lives through this war—knowing that her father chose to burn along with Orb. She will live knowing that he has laid down his life for the country he loved, that in the end he chose to be with Orb over his own—no, adoptive daughter.
She continues to cry and is helpless in her seat as the screen display shows the mass driver collapsing after their launch and Kaguya burning.
X.
It is a broken world outside.
However, he has taught her that it doesn't have to be.
Notes: To celebrate my finished paper, I'm giving you guys this little thing. I did not expect to drag the story on, but I couldn't help it. Originally I planned this to be Asucaga like the rest of my oneshots, but I had a short SEED marathon and enjoyed re-watching the scenes between Uzumi and Cagalli and decided to write about their relationship instead. Welps, if you guys have any requests for AU/non-AU AxC oneshots, I'd be happy to comply! Also, I didn't bother to include the events of Destiny. Disclaim, disclaim, disclaim. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this! Please leave a review. :)