Alienated Acceptance
In one the largest, most extravagant houses in the area, of the county of Los Angeles, lived a troubled girl. Megan was the name her parents had given her when she was born.
By the age of nine, her parents had split and her world came crashing down. Only her older sister, Marissa understood the frustration she felt.
Since the second Megan was born the two were inseparable. Marissa, being only a year old when Megan was born, was happy to have another baby around and instantly grew attached to her little sister.
That little sister happens to be me, and this is my story.
Let's begin on the morning of my fifteenth birthday, August 15th. I awoke to the sound of the wind and rain thrashing against the side of the house. I looked over at my clock, 9:15 a.m. I had slept in. With less than an hour to get ready, I tossed the blankets aside and swung my legs over the edge of my bed. As I put my bare feet on the floor, something hard dug into the side of my foot. I looked down to see my open suitcase on the floor. I had fallen asleep in the midst of packing the night before.
I quickly got ready before I finished packing. As I packed my last few belongings, there was a knock on my door. I looked up to see my sister standing in the doorway.
"Morning Sleepyhead. Happy Birthday," she greeted me with a smile. "Dad called, he's on his way."
"Greaaat," I groaned.
"I honestly don't understand why you've decided to go live with him you know," she commented questioningly. I stayed quiet and continued packing, in an attempt to avoid her curious gaze. I began thinking about the reason I had decided to move in with my dad. "You're not going to tell me are you?" Marissa asked, interrupting my thoughts.
Before I got a chance to answer, I heard the sound of my dad honking the horn. I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder.
As I walked out of my room I heard my sister say, "You don't think you're getting away without saying goodbye do you?" I glanced over my shoulder at her and continued down the hall to the stairs. "Megan," she called after me.
I stepped down the first stair and paused. "What?" I mumbled, turning around to look at her, she had followed me down the hall.
"What are you running from?" she asked looking me in the eyes. I heard my dad honk again.
"I'll tell you later," I replied and continued down the stairs. When I reached the bottom I dropped my bag by the door, sat on the bottom stair and began putting my shoes on. Marissa sat beside me. I sighed. I finished tying my shoes, but continued to look down at my feet.
"I'll miss you," I said looking over at her.
"I'll miss you too," she replied standing up. I stood up, slid my arms through the sleeves of my jacket and zipped it up. Marissa took a small box out of the pocket in her hoodie and handed it to me.
I sighed again. "You didn't have to get me anything."
"You say that every year," she responded. I hugged her. She hugged me back tightly. We stood there in a tight embrace until we head my dad honk for a third time.
Marissa sighed. "You don't have to go you know," she told me.
"Yes, I do. I don't know why, but I just," I paused, "I have to get away for a while."
She hugged me once more before opening the door for me. I grabbed my bag and headed outside.
"Thanks," I said, looking back at her. The expression on her face nearly broke my heart. This would be the first time the two of us would be apart for any long period of time. The separation would be hard for both of us.
The one time we were apart, I was in the fifth grade. My class went on an end of the year trip for a three day weekend. We didn't get to talk for the entire trip. The weekend seemed to drag out and I had to be encouraged to have a good time. After that experience we vowed not to leave each other like that again; yet here I was breaking my promise.
I knew I was hurting Marissa by choosing to live with my dad, but I couldn't handle the stress of faking a smile, day after day at school.
Marissa would have come with me if she could have. However, my dad had remarried and neither my sister nor I got along with his new wife or her bratty children. We had both felt like outcasts when we visited. Even our younger brother, Simon hated going to our dad's house.
We used to visit up until I turned twelve. Simon was only four years old at the time. We were staying for a week in the summer and my dad's wife, Sharon, had made some remark to my sister about my siblings and I. Marissa had finally had enough after three years of Sharon's rude comments.
My sister, being only thirteen had picked up Simon, declared, "I hate it here, we're leaving," and stormed out the front door.
Naturally, I followed. I guess at that point my dad had called my mom because we hadn't made it very far before she pulled up beside us in her new silver 2003 Mercedes S55 AMG. She was furious, I remember. When we got home Marissa ran up to her room and locked the door, only opening it for me.
At dinner that evening, Marissa refused to speak to anyone, she was convinced that it was our mom's fault for sending us to stay with our dad for the week.
She had calmed down by the time we went to bed that night, but announced that she would never set foot in our dad's house ever again.
She still hasn't, to this day, three years later. If that had never happened, Marissa would probably be coming with me.
Being in the car with my dad was awkward. He wished me a Happy Birthday as I shut the passenger door and buckled my seatbelt, then the silence set in. This would be a long hour and a half drive.
I knew he was confused about my abrupt choice to come live with him. He knew that Marissa and I were close, but he didn't bother to ask why she hadn't made the same choice as I had. No doubt his memory of the event three years ago was just as clear as my own.
I put my headphones in my ears and turned on my Ipod Nano. I gazed out the passenger window and watched the rain wash over all the familiar places Marissa, Simon and I had played, back in the day when the three of us were young and innocent, before we knew what it was like to have our family torn apart by divorce.
As I reflected on my childhood memories, the song on my Ipod changed to "With me" by Sum 41. I listened, mesmerized by the words that Marissa and I had painted on our bedroom wall on the night I told everyone I had decided to go live with my dad. I don't want this moment to ever end. Where everything's nothing, without you. I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile, Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.
I sat there thinking about that evening and how much fun Marissa and I had had before I told her my decision.
I began to wonder when I would get to have fun with my sister again. I had no idea. Not only that, but I had no clue when I would see Marissa again.
I felt a tear roll down my left cheek and quickly wiped it away before my dad saw. He wouldn't say anything. I knew he wouldn't. But still, I didn't like crying in front of people. I preferred to cry in solitude.
He pulled into the long driveway and parked outside the massive house he owned with Sharon. I hadn't been there in years and had forgotten how big it truly was.
My dad had told me sometime during the drive that they had built a pool around the back early this year. That was about all he had said for the entire trip. My dad got out of the car and headed inside, leaving me sitting there by myself.
I took a deep breath before shoving the car door open and stepping out. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder as I walked slowly to the front door.
Pushing the front door open and looking inside, I was not surprised to see that it was completely different inside, of course they had remodeled.
My dad was always away at work, making tons of money, so they could buy even bigger, more expensive things. So I knew during my stay here I'd have to fend for myself.
I stepped inside and shut the door quietly, again not surprised to see that my dad had disappeared. Everything so far was the same as when I was last at his house, my dad and family I mean. They hadn't changed as far as I could tell.
As I turned around I let out a tiny scream. Standing in front of me was Marcus, the youngest of Sharon's children.
He sneered at me.
"Hi, you scared me," I said(,) forcing a smile.
He didn't return my smile and stared at me for a few seconds before asking, "Why are you back?"
The annoyance in his voice was clear, he didn't want me living in his house. When I didn't answer him he turned and demanded that I follow him to my new room.
I followed him in silence. His attitude shocked me, he was only seven after all. Then again, he never did like me, probably because his mother didn't. I couldn't wait to see how she would greet me.
Marcus left me alone in my room on the main floor at the end of the hall, most likely an add on to the house. It seemed to be somewhat isolated from the rest.
The view from my window was beautiful I had to admit, all different types of trees gathered together. Later I would find, my window seat, looking out would be where I would spend most of free time.
After Marcus left, I dropped my bag on the bed and began to unpack the few important belongings I had brought with me. Some of my things from home were being sent a few days after my arrival, but my dad said he would buy whatever I needed.
If he thought he could buy my love and affection, he was in for an expensive surprise.
I had decided I would continue playing soccer, so he would need to buy all my new equipment. Also, I would need new clothes because I had only packed for about a week and my dad hated that I was a tomboy.
Apparently I was supposed to wear skirts, dresses and lacy, frilly clothes all the time and my entire wardrobe was supposed to be pink. That's how he wanted it.
Unfortunately for him I despise the colour pink. I'm not a complete tomboy. I do enjoy singing and dancing, although no one besides Marissa knows it. On occasion I paint my nails and I do wear make up.
That's about as 'girly' as I get. So my dad would just have to suck it up and perhaps, if I was lucky, he might except me for who I am. I had my doubts.
I laid down on my bed, hungry but I decided I would rather be alone than with my dad and his family.
It was no longer mid-morning outside when I opened my eyes next, I guess I had fallen asleep. My stomach growled loudly as I sat up. The clock beside my bed said 4:08 p.m.
I had a light snack before dinner with my new family, to avoid passing out from lack of food. I'd skipped breakfast.
I returned to my room and opened the present from Marissa. It was a silver necklace with two small hearts on the chain. Engraved on one was 'bffs,' on the other 'sisters.'
"Dinner is ready Megan," my dad informed me from the doorway, as if he was afraid to set foot in my room.
I put the necklace on and followed him to the kitchen, sitting in the empty chair beside Sharon's daughter, Lauren. No one at the table bothered to look up from their meals as I took my seat. They hadn't even waited for me before starting, not a surprise.
Sharon finally looked up at me. "How are you Megan?"
"I'm fine thanks. How are you?" I asked politely.
"How are your mother and siblings?" she questioned, not answering my question.
"Good," I answered with a shrug. I stabbed the pasta with my fork and put it in my mouth so she couldn't ask me anything else.
That bothers me, when someone asks how my family is doing, not like Sharon cared how they were.
They talked about their days as they ate their dinner, I remained silent as I continued to jab the pasta. Occasionally someone would glance over at me and look away.
I excused myself from the table when I was finished and went to my room, shutting the door. I knew I would end up crying myself to sleep. My dad didn't seem to notice the disgusted looks I got at dinner, and if he did, he didn't care. I felt awkwardly out of place.
Flopping on the bed, I felt the tears form in my eyes. As the hours crept by, the tears never ceased, but eventually, I slowly drifted into an uncomfortable, light sleep.
My alarm woke me up at 8:15 a.m. the next morning. The night before, I had discovered that I had my own bathroom attached to my room for my use only. Marcus had neglected to tell me that.
I had a quick shower and got ready. Soccer tryouts started at 10 a.m.
Since it was a Wednesday morning, my dad was at work.
I quietly padded my way down the hardwood flooring of the hallway to the kitchen and made myself some toast, searching through cupboards and drawers to find what I needed. Although, by now, it was quarter after nine, I seemed to be the only one awake.
Dinner had been awkward last night, so it was a relief to be out of the uncomfortable situation of attempting to be the perfect guest.
I filled my water bottle with the cool filtered water from the refrigerator and tossed in a few ice cubes.
As I pulled on my soccer socks followed by my cleats I realized my cleats were a tad bit tight. New ones were soon to be desperately needed if I made the team.
It was 9:50 a.m. when I got to the field. There were a few girls gathered in a group talking and laughing. I slowly made my way over to them for fear of being teased for standing alone.
One of the girls glanced over at me and whispered to the group. They all turned to look at me. I felt my cheeks go red with embarrassment. Taking a deep breath, I approached them.
"Hi," I said shyly.
"Hi," the girl that had noticed me first responded. "I'm Ashley," She smiled. It was one of those smiles you could tell was fake, one where she knew she was better than everyone else and was wondering why she was wasting her time trying to converse with me.
The four other girls all introduced themselves; Sam, Carly, Jennifer and Ava.
"You're George's daughter aren't you? That snobby rich guy that lives with his self centered wife and her two bratty kids in that huge house on the top of the hill," Ashley said more as a statement than a question. I was glad to hear that someone else besides my sister and I agreed that Sharon was narcissistic, although a bit shocked that she would openly dis my family right to my face.
"Um...yeah. George is my dad," I said looking anywhere except at the girls.
"I heard you and your sister walked out a few years ago," Jennifer said. She was obviously the gossiper of the group, I could tell already. I nodded.
"So how long are you staying with your dad for?" Sam asked.
"As long as I want," I replied.
"Why did you suddenly decide to come back?" Carly questioned, looking at me.
"For his money, obviously," Ashley remarked. I couldn't believe that she could state her assumptions so blatantly. It was as if she thought she knew everything. Speechless, I stood there and gawked at Ashley in disbelief.
She turned to look at me. "So you play soccer?"
Quickly regaining my composure I asked, "That's sort of a stupid question, wouldn't you say?" trying to prove I wouldn't allow them to push me around. I caught a glimpse of Ava holding back her laughter.
Ashley recoiled, not expecting my remark. "What position?" she asked trying to get the attention back on me as the four other girls were staring at her.
"Striker," I informed her, not bothering to ask what position she played.
"Oh, another striker, that's what I play," she said after waiting a minute for me to ask her.
"Oh," I said dully, trying to end the conversation.
"Up for some competition?" Ashley asked, glaring at me.
I shrugged in response.
A young woman walked over to us and placed her belongings on the ground. "I'm Kristin for anyone who doesn't already know, and I'll be coaching this year." The other girls that had slowly arrived at the field gathered around.
We started practicing after we did two laps around the field to warm up. Unfortunately for me, Kristin paired me with Ashley for partner drills.
We had to run down the field passing the soccer ball back and forth. Ashley insisted on passing the ball too far in front of me so I either missed it or had to sprint to get it. She knew what to do to make me look bad.
Eventually I figured out all her tricks and managed to beat her to them, which in turn made me look better than I was.
Of course this made Ashley upset. She continuously tried to sabotage my chances of making the team. Every time she noticed Kristin watching us, she would make some kind of attempt that caused me to fumble.
At the end of practice we ran a scrimmage. Ashley was put on the opposing team which was a relief. When I went to take the ball down the field, she kicked me hard in the shins.
I managed to score twice during the scrimmage which was two times more than Ashley had. My goals were lucky, most of the girls at the tryouts stopped passing to me once they figured out who my dad was.
After tryouts were over Kristin called us into a huddle and told us that cuts would be made next Tuesday, same time and place. Great, that would mean I had a week with nothing to do. School didn't start again for another two weeks, at the beginning of September.
I took the long way home, it gave me time to be alone with my thoughts. Did I really want to play soccer with a bunch of girls like Ashley? I guess I'd have to put up with them because I really wanted to play. It would give me something to do with my spare time. Hopefully I would eventually gain acceptance amongst the girls on the team. It shouldn't matter who my dad was, or so I thought.
When I got home I had a nice long shower, in attempt to wash away how terrible I felt about myself.
The next week went by surprisingly fast. I called Marissa every day and we talked for hours. I usually went for a long walk around the neighborhood while on my cellphone with my sister.
Tuesday came quickly. I showed up early again and saw Ashley, Jennifer, Sam, Carly and Ava together in a circle again, same as last time.
Kristin came early so I managed to avoid another unpleasant conversation with Ashley. The cuts were made, and the first line was picked. Our strongest players were, to my surprise, me, along with Ashley, Sam, Carly and Ava, and a few other girls I didn't know.
When Jennifer's name was not called for the first line, Ashley whipped her head around to glare at me. I knew I must have taken Jenn's spot on the line, but that was the choice Kristin had made. I didn't understand why it was my fault.
I felt fairly good about making the first line so I decided I would called Marissa on my walk home.
"Hey you!" Marissa answered, knowing it was me from her caller id, no doubt.
I smiled. "Hey"
"How was soccer?" she asked.
"I made the first line!" I told her excitedly.
She congratulated me a million times. I told her the story about Ashley and the other girls on the team and how I took Jennifer's spot on the line.
When I got home I told her I had to go. She went silent.
"I miss you Megan," she responded finally.
"I miss you too Marissa," I replied with a sigh.
"Come home, please?" she pleaded.
I shook my head forgetting she couldn't see me.
"Please?" she repeated.
I explained that I couldn't come home yet, I had to be accepted first. I needed to be accepted somewhere. She told me she understood and wished me good luck.
September came a bit too quick for my liking. I spent my last few weeks of the summer practicing for soccer or talking to Marissa.
The first day of school, my dad was at work. Sharon drove Lauren and Marcus but I opted to walk.
I checked in at the office and they gave me my schedule and explained the layout of the school to me.
My plan to arrive early had worked out, and I had time to find all my classes before school started. I didn't want to be wandering around aimlessly in search of my classes all day. Sparing any dignity I still had would be the highlight of my day.
English, Science, Lunch, Math and P.E. That was my terrible schedule.
English wasn't too bad. None of the girls from the soccer team were in my class, which was somewhat of a good thing. Although that meant I knew no one in the class.
Science, again I sat alone. There were a few people from my English class that I recognized.
At lunch I quickly ate my ham sandwich in the cafeteria. Not wanting to sit around by myself, I took my books up to the library to work on the homework I had already been assigned. I finished with time left over so I decided to read.
Math, my worst subject was next. I recognized a girl from my soccer team, Ava. She noticed me and gestured for me to sit with her. I looked over my shoulder to make sure she was talking to me. She smiled when I sat down.
"Sorry about Ashley," she said halfway through class.
"She doesn't seem like the nicest person," I mumbled in response, hoping Ava wouldn't take offense to my disliking of her friend.
Ava laughed. "She can be a real pain sometimes, she's full of herself."
"I noticed," I said smiling.
The rest of class went by fairly quickly and I headed off to the gymnasium. I didn't have a change of clothes to change into for P.E. so I had to sit on the side and watch.
The first person I noticed was a guy that was in all of my classes. Jake was his name if I wasn't mistaken. He was fooling around with his friends, annoying the teacher.
"Stop staring at him," I heard a voice beside me say.
Startled, I looked up. Ashley was standing beside the bench I was seated upon.
Gathering up all my courage a glared at her and asked, "Do you own him?"
Shocked once again by my comment, Ashley took a while to think of a comeback. "Your a nobody Hun, stay away from him. Besides..." she paused, "he's in love with me."
I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "In love with you? Hard to believe."
A frustrated look of confusion and defeat spread across Ashley's face.
I smirked. "You've got nothing?"
She glanced over at Jake and an evil grin appeared on her face. "Hey Jake!" she yelled across the gym.
Jake turned to look at us. He grinned and headed our way.
Ashley faced me and said quietly, "You're messing with the wrong girl, prepare to have your little heart shattered and stomped on."
Before I had time to even think of anything to respond with, Jake reached us and put his arm around Ashley.
"How's the hottest girl in school?" he asked her.
She beamed. Her eyes never straying away from him. "I'm..."
"Who's this?" Jake asked cutting her off. He nodded towards me.
Ashley's smiled faded and she turned to glare at me. "New girl," she mumbled.
Jake took his arm from around Ashley and held it out to me. "Jake," he said grinning.
I shook his hand and blushed slightly. "Megan," I told him returning a smile.
They played volleyball durning class, I watched Ashley continuously observing Jake whenever she could, and when she caught my eye, she shot me the death glare.
After school I walked across the parking lot and began my long walk home. I heard my name shouted from across the street, but didn't bother to look up. Surely they were calling someone else.
"Megan!" they called again. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jake looking right at me, grinning as usual. He ran across the road to me, not even bothering to look both ways up the street to see if there were any cars coming.
Reckless, I thought to myself, causing a smile to spread across my face.
"Hey," he said running his hand through his somewhat shaggy, light brown hair.
"Hi," I said blushing. Wondering why he was talking to me, I looked around for any sign of Ashley.
"So you're new hey? How do you like it so far?" Jake asked me.
"It's a bit of a change from my old school," I said looking away when I realized how lame that sounded. Not like I had moved very far. I mentally beat myself up inside for being so nervous around Jake.
"Yeah, the girls here can be pretty nasty. So Ashley tells me you made first string for soccer. That's wicked."
I smiled, he must have asked Ashley about me.
"Jenn is really good so you must be pretty decent to take her spot," he continued.
Shrugging, I replied, "I'm okay I guess."
Jake laughed. "I should come watch sometime, see how okay you are."
We continued talking all the way back to my dad's house about soccer and school before I realized he was walking me home.
"Well, I should go, see you tomorrow right?" he asked.
I nodded and thanked him for walking me home. So far he was the nicest person I'd met since I changed schools.
The next few weeks flew by. Jake accompanying me on the walk home became a regular occurrence. He insisted every day after school, telling me that it was no big deal, he had to go that way anyways. Ashley approached me one day after school when she witnessed Jake walking with me.
"What are you doing with Jake?" she asked me. "Didn't you hear what I told you the first day of school?"
"I heard you," I remarked glaring at her. "Like I said before, do you own him?"
Ashley glanced at Jake and back at me, "He's my boyfriend so stay away from him."
I looked at Jake, he had told me that they broke up months ago.
"Um Ash... we broke up, don't you remember?" Jake asked looking at her.
Without answering, Ashley turned away and stalked off.
The next day at school all the stares were directed at me. I over heard two girls talking about how Jake was planning to ask me out. And he did, after school on the walk home.
I agreed, not caring what Ashley would think, or try to do to sabotage our relationship.
Over the next few months, Jake's status lowered because he was with me, Ashley had been spreading rumors. He didn't seem to mind and told me he had been prepared for it to happen when he asked me.
We tried our best to ignore the looks and whispers as we walked down the halls. Although we were social outcasts, I was happy. I had been accepted by someone, Jake.
Marissa was happy for me and told me to persuade Jake to move to my old school so I could move home. When I told Jake that, he said he would, if that's what I wanted.
I thought about that idea for weeks before I told Jake I wanted to move home. I missed Marissa, my mom, my friends and my cat, Marx. I even missed my annoying little brother, Simon.
And that's where I stand today. The school term ends next week and during the break I'm moving home. Jake's mother is sending him to live with his dad who happens to live conveniently close to my mom's house. Marissa tells me that she's ecstatic and can't wait to see me and meet Jake. After feeling like an outcast for most of my life, I'm finally happy with my life and I wouldn't trade the people in my life for anything.
Lakeshore Slate (blue)
Infiniti
2008 G35x AWD Sport
2003 mercedes S55 AMG
silver