APOV
It has been five days since I left him. Five days of absolute agony and darkness. I have been a complete mess ever since. I have been surviving only on coffee; I cannot bring myself to eat. I don't know what to do, how to make the pain go away. It feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I still shiver when his voice echoes in my head.
"Count Anastasia". Tears sprung to my face as the belt lashed on my back.
"You cannot love me, it's wrong". With that I walked out of his life. I then knew that Christian Grey was not capable of giving or receiving love. He hurt me. He would have never done this if he had loved me. I was just another notch attached to his bed. I ended up like the other fifteen subs.
Tomorrow I start my new job. I have to stop with all this wallowing. I have to forget him and move on, it's not the end of the fucking world. I vowed to stop thinking about him. "Who are you kidding" my subconscious sneers at me. I have to keep myself busy. So I start preparing for work and watched TV afterwards. As much as I try, I cannot stop thinking about him. Part of me hates him but somehow I still love him. I wonder if he is thinking about me." Surely he is fucking another sub by now. You were nothing to him just a piece of ass. He pushed you away like a rag doll. "My subconscious appears again." She is right. Time heals all wounds. Maybe someday I will meet my white knight and he will love and cherish me. I highly doubt that I will be able to reciprocate.
My first day at work is great, I make new friends and my boss Mr. Leighton is a real gentleman. I lose myself in manuscripts and it is already noon. I have one hour and I make my way to the deli across the street for a quick sandwich. I manage to eat barely half of the sandwich. But that is improvement. I return to work and find a large bouquet of roses beautifully wrapped on my desk. I immediately know that they are from him .The card reads: "congratulations on your first day at work" CG. Why is he sending me roses? We are through. I place them in a vase and continue with my work. A few minute s later my email pings. My mood sinks when I see it's from Christian. What does he want from me? Why can't he just leave me alone? I am trying to forget him and he is making it impossible. I decide to ignore the mail and continue with my work.
At four pm I return home dog tired but I am happy with all the work I accomplished today. The apartment is lonely and I desperately wish that Kate was here, I hope that she is really enjoying herself with Elliot. She is due to return in two weeks time. I pour a generous amount of redolent wine and I relax on the couch. I do not have to cook since I have ordered takeout. I am startled as my phone vibrates. I smile as it's from the devil herself.
"Hey, Ana, I miss you so much. Congrats on your first day at work." I have to put the phone away as she squeals loudly. I take a deep breath as I prepare myself for the Katherine inquisition.
"I am great, Kate. So how is Barbados and Elliot?" I try to keep my tone as even as possible.
"What's wrong, you sound so ….off." oh no.
"I am fine. It's just that I am overwhelmed by my new job, you know making new friends and all." I opt for a convincing tone but failed miserably.
"Don't bullshit me Ana. I know better. What is bugging you? Just spit it out." Of course she knows. I scoff. Jeez can't she just let it go?
"I….I broke up with Christian." I manage not to cry and brace myself for the Katherine inquisition
"What? What did that obscenely rich bastard do to you? I will have his balls on a platter if he has touched a single hair of yours. I am returning home right now. To hell with Barbados" That is why I did not want to tell her. I knew she would be overprotective and would cancel the trip.
"No, Kate, you stay where you are. I realized that Christian and I are too different and breaking up would be best to both of us. Please do not worry about me, really I will be fine. I need to do this on my own" I say hoping that she is convinced.
"The hell you are going to do this on your own. I will make you forget that fucker. I am coming home right away weather you like it or not."Before I can protest she hangs up. She is so exasperating but I am glad that she is coming. Christian is not someone who I can easily forget. He was my first love. The only man I have ever been intimate with. I push all thoughts of Christian away as I contemplate about what to do next.
I decide to go hiking and I change quickly in some old sweats and sneakers. I always feel rejuvenated when I hike in the forests. It allows me to reflect on my thoughts, steering me from reality even for a while. I make my way back ruthlessly through the thick trees as dusk begins to fall. I have a nagging feeling that someone is watching my every move. Maybe I am just being paranoid. I increase my pace but I suddenly froze when a gun is pointed towards me." Elena." I whisper as my pulse beats furiously.