(Rose Centered)

Every time he spoke my name I couldn't hold anything against him. He was my life and love. He gave me anything and everything I ever wanted. I got to go on great adventures that only a few actually get to participate in and others spend their entire life dreaming off. I used to be a shop girl. My day consisted of me waking up, going to work, eating chips and watching telly, only to go back to sleep and start all over again. He gave me a chance to change the world I knew. But then I lost him. I fell through the void and was trapped on the other side of that God forbidden wall. I missed him so much. The first few months I did nothing but sit and cry over how much I missed him, but then the stars began to go out and I began working on the dimension cannon. If I could save the world and get back to him then it was worth a try. I spent countless hours working, sometimes even twelve hour days just running on the hope of seeing the Doctor again.

There were days that I wanted to give up and just spend the rest of my life curled up in a ball. Sometimes my mind would turn to suicide, that if I end it now then everything would be better. I couldn't do that to my mom, Pete, and Tony so that thought almost always left as soon as it came. Then there are times where my mind wonders if everyone would have been happier if I had just fallen into the void. Yeah my mom would miss me but she had Pete to get her through and I wouldn't have to hurt as much as I am right now. On my worst days there is a thought that if I never met the Doctor, could forget everything that we ever did then I wouldn't be hurting. I could be still in my daily routine of waking up, going to work, and coming back to do it again. Or I could be here with my family, have a dad, my mom, and a baby brother but without the constant reminder that I could have more; that I did have more when the Doctor was in my life.

The dimension cannon finally worked; I was back home and that means I was back where my Doctor was. I took off, running down the street, fighting off Daleks that were getting in the way. Nothing would stand in the way between me and my Doctor. I was able to find a house and lock onto an outgoing signal from the TARDIS. My heart beat painfully in my chest as I saw him on the small screen. I wanted to cry in joy, for I had made it back to where my heart laid. I don't know how it happened but I ran out the house to search the streets for him and I found him, but I should have paid closer attention as he was hit by a Dalek. I was going to lose him yet again, I couldn't bear it. I sobbed as the golden energy took him away, burying my face into Jack's chest. Slowly I turned to look at his new figure only to be met with the same face I fell in love with. I couldn't believe he was still here, and I knew he was the same as he pulled me close in a hug. Our joy was cut short when things began to escalate and we were taken to the Dalek's crucible.

I was on the beach again, but instead of being with a hologram on the Doctor, I was actually with him; make that two of him, if you could call the Metacrisis the Doctor. I knew what was happening; I just couldn't believe that he was going to do this to me again and by his own choice. I had to change his mind, maybe if I can get him to say those words that he was about to say to me so long ago it would convince him we still were supposed to be together. I didn't expect him to turn the tables on my plan. Yes he said those words to me, the ones I had always been dying to hear but it wasn't Him who said it, it was the clone, the copy, the Metacrisis Doctor. He didn't even say goodbye as I made the mistake to kiss his copy and give him the chance to sneak away. Maybe I was wrong, that he never loved me, but then I remembered the Metacrisis was him, just human. If the Metacrisis loved me then that means he did too. That's when I realized that not only was I in pain but my true Doctor was; my heart broke at that.

After the beach I had nightmares, most times John (the Metacrisis Doctor) would come running in to try and comfort me. Most of the time I would push him away, I didn't want comfort from a fake that looked, sounded, smelled, and acted like my Doctor; I wanted my Doctor. I knew it hurt him but I couldn't help how I felt. Those nights were always easier than the nights where I forgot and gave into his comforting hugs. On those nights I would give in and accept the comfort John offered me. I would forget that he wasn't the real one I wanted, the one my heart belonged to. I would allow myself to forget only to scar John more, break him into a million pieces even though the pieces couldn't be broken any further. Those were the nights I made him play Doctor.

Though the nights varied, the days were always that same. I couldn't look at John or listen to him. He was too much like the Doctor but not enough. At first he insisted that he was the Doctor but eventually he gave up because like I told him so many times, he may be the Doctor but he wasn't my Doctor. So we formed a routine. We would try to avoid each other, which wasn't as hard as one might think since we lived in a mansion. The times where our paths cross were always difficult. John used to say hi, make a comment or reference to a past adventure; those times passed quickly when I wouldn't respond and instead would bolt down the hall, running away from him and the shadow of the he was supposed to be. Now we pass like each other is invisible. I know he looks over his shoulder at me when we pass; I can hear it in the way he hesitates a step before continuing down the hall; I can hear it in the pleading eyes and thumping sound of his heart that just hopes today would be the day that I could accept him as my Doctor. But I just can't bring myself to see him or love him as my Doctor; at least not quite yet.

I guess time does change people; 7 months I should say. Despite what John thinks I had always been watching him. At first it hurt to be near him, but as time went by I began to see the differences between him and the Doctor; little actions like how John would drum his fingers together, or how he said wizard when something wasn't working quite how he wanted it too. I guess the differences helped me distinguish them both separately, as their own people. I tried to get closer to him, talk to him, but I had caused so much damage. Every time I would show up in a room and see him, he would be bolting down the hall in a second. When I would open my mouth to talk to him in the hallway he would run as fast as he could to get away from me. I couldn't believe that I was capable of hurting him this much. He seemed so disconnected during our travels that I was surprised he could feel; then I remembered that John was human.

My heart ached in pain at what I had done to him. He was so fragile to begin with and I just continued to break him, throw him out when I was all he knew in this world. That is when I realized that all this time I had been crying of the Doctor's pain and my own pain, but I never even considered the pain he was feeling. John had lost his home, the universe he knew, his own race, and he had lost me. I couldn't even imagine what he must have been feeling. This gorgeous broken man had been burying his pain and hurt in order to try and help me, comfort me and I did nothing but push him away when all he needed was acceptance. I watched as John ran down the hallway and into the garden around back; he always went there when he was hurting. I sighed as I realized that I did love this man for who he was, I just couldn't see it in my own selfishness. I walked downstairs and headed towards the door that John had run out of; I needed to fix things.

(John Centered)

I sat down on the bench that was outside in the middle of the garden. I put my head in my hands and thought about that past 4 months, 15 weeks, 3 days, 20 hours, 15 minutes, and 22 seconds. I love Rose so much, I even told her but I just didn't know how to handle all these new human emotions. They hurt so much; I felt hurt, anger, resentment, sadness, abandonment, and guilt. I felt hurt that she couldn't accept me as her Doctor. I felt anger that the Doctor would hurt Rose like this. I resented that I was the Doctor but not quite enough of him. I felt sadness that I no longer had my home, the ability to travel, or the only life I had ever known. I felt abandoned by the Doctor who left me here and by Rose who was supposed to spend forever with me. I mostly felt guilt. I felt guilty that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't an exact copy of the Time Lord that helped create me. I felt guilty that I continued to hurt Rose just by being alive.

I guess I was too preoccupied in my own thoughts that I didn't even realize someone had followed me out into the garden. At first I thought it was Jackie since she was the only person that actually talked to me; yes Pete talks to me but not outside of business matters. I didn't look up, assuming that it was Jackie but my head shot up when I heard Rose's voice hit my ear. I looked at her in surprise and fear. Fear that she would completely reject me, that I did something to make her hate me, but there was also that hope that would not stop clawing up. That hope used to save me, but for the past few months it has done nothing but destroy me, yet I still can't seem to destroy it. I still hope that one day she will accept me and love me for who I am, despite the fact that I am not her original Doctor and part human. I guess the surprise and hope on my face was showing because she took my hand; the only thing that could keep me grounded was her.

We talked, and I guess time does change people because I can't believe that this broken and hurt girl could be so gorgeous. She told me that she was sorry for hurting me, that she was just being selfish; I told her otherwise because no selfish being could be as loving and perfect as her. I was still fighting the hope that continued to rise the longer we talked. I knew it was selfish to want her to love me; I knew that just talking for a couple hours couldn't fix all the damage both I and the Doctor have done to her. My hope didn't care it seemed though, it festered as the conversation continued, as we walked more and more into unknown territory. I looked at her and felt myself melt at the radiance of her light. She was the only being in the universe that could do this to me; make me forget my worries and feel like the luckiest man in the universe. That's when everything boiled over and the conversation became quiet. She looked up at me and I felt my heart beat faster as she leaned into me and whispered in my ear the three words I had been hoping for during the short time of my life here in the parallel universe. In the next moment I was kissing her. When I pulled back I couldn't get rid of the grin and neither could she.