Title: Caring for the Broken
Summary: "…It's killing me to see him pretend to be okay when he's not…" (Jasper turns into Jasico in this fic. This is set after they win the war against Gaea.)
Warning: Swear words and non-canon character death.
Author's Note: Basically I just want to see where I'm going with this fic (yes the series of chapters are not finished yet since IDEK if I want to [or if I can] see it through to the end). Feel free to join me on my ride to discovery.
Mandatory Author's Note (because I want to explain myself): I'm totally cool with people who ship Jasper, and I can respect that. And this fic does have Jasper at first. But I didn't kill Piper off in this fic because I hate her. I don't hate Piper, I just don't like shipping her with Jason. Her death was kinda necessary for this fic to even progress with its plot so... Yeah.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series or the Heroes of Olympus series.
Chapter 1: Jason Wants To Stop Dreaming
The war with Gaea has claimed many lives, and Piper McLean had lost hers. Jason Grace couldn't live with himself.
Jason couldn't turn to Leo. Ever since she died, the son of Hephaestus tended to keep himself busy with building new things and repairing his old inventions, all the while muttering something about finding an island. He could feel his best friend was on a mission for something important, and the son of Jupiter didn't want to distract Leo from his work when Leo's on fire with ideas (and sometimes, literally on fire).
Jason couldn't face Piper's father, Tristan McLean, either. Besides being a high-end celebrity that Jason had no hope of ever getting even a mere appointment with, Jason didn't think it was a good idea to speak with the father of the girl he thought he killed.
Jason couldn't trouble Reyna with it. He figured Reyna had to be tired of his bullshit by now, ever since he had led her to believe they could have had something together. Not to mention it would be uncomfortable to discuss it with her. Reyna was busy with affairs at Camp Jupiter, which was no surprise, and Jason knew better than to distract her with trivial things. Trivial to her, that is.
Jason couldn't bother Percy or Annabeth. After finding out what he and his girlfriend had went through in Tartarus, Jason had felt discouraged from burdening either of them with anything. The pair had started living together in New Rome about two weeks ago and have been busy with college life since then. The amount of Iris messages between Jason and them had been dreadfully small since they moved to New Rome, and the conversation was always brief. Jason would constantly waver between spilling his guts to them and keeping his grief to himself, and he'd always end up doing the latter.
Jason could say the same for Iris messages between him and Hazel or Frank. He also didn't have the guts to ruin their happiness with his problems. The son of Mars and the daughter of Pluto had already moved on from the daughter of Aphrodite's death a little less than a month ago. Talking to them about Piper now would be like reopening an old wound. Jason simply didn't want to see Hazel weep against Frank's chest again, knowing that Piper and Hazel had become very good friends during the time they spent on the Argo II.
Jason couldn't speak to Nico about it. Nico had issues of his own to sort out, and Jason didn't want to add to them.
He remembered what Nico had told him at the balcony of the South Wind palace when they got stranded in Africa.
"I'll take you to Epirus. I'll help you close the Doors of Death. Then that's it. I'm leaving – forever."
And, true to his word, Nico had mysteriously left a day after Piper died. No one knew why the son of Hades left and what had become of him now. Jason believed, no, knew Nico was alive. His gut feelings have made him refuse to think that the Ghost King was probably a ghost himself during the days that followed Nico's disappearance.
A small part of Jason chided himself for not trusting his friends and comrades enough to talk about it. But the son of Jupiter was no burden. He always tried to push his personal feelings aside for the sake of duty. For the sake of normalcy. For the sake of not making these particular people worry about him.
Other people usually avoided talking to Jason unless it was important, and it suited the son of Jupiter just fine. What bothered him is that, when they talk to him, they spoke with obvious hesitation and guarded expressions, watching what they say around and to the Roman. There was always a look of wariness in their eyes that scrutinized Jason's face for a sign of anything wrong. He could sense their worry, like the son of Jupiter had been an ominous grey cloud about to pour down heavy rain at any given moment. Those other people he conversed with said nothing more meaningful or deeper than the condolences they offered when they couldn't avoid bringing up the sensitive topic that is his dead girlfriend.
Despite not speaking about his feelings with anyone, it wasn't as if Jason hadn't tried to move forward on his own.
He did take up a few girls' offers to date them in an attempt to get over Piper, but they'd stop seeing him after a date or two because he was too hung up on the daughter of Aphrodite. He tried smoking and drinking, but Piper's look of disapproval would cross his mind every time he would take a drag or a glass of any alcoholic beverage, and made him quit a mere few days after starting. He would often think of joining Piper in the afterlife, but he had Camp Half-Blood and his friends to look after. He couldn't die even if he wanted to. Not when she had sacrificed her life for him. He can't end the life Piper died for.
In the end, Jason was bearing the weight of his guilt and grief alone.
Jason pretended to be okay when there were other people around. He laughed at jokes, gave friendly smiles, made no indication that he often lost his appetite by eating despite not feeling hungry, and tried to be happy. But he could feel the underlying feeling of unease from everyone around him.
In any case, his cheerful front discouraged people from acknowledging the elephant in the room, namely, how Jason feels about Piper's death. He wanted to believe that, if he wears the cheerful mask long enough, it would become his true face.
Yet Jason struggles to keep the mask on every passing day.
Jason hadn't been sleeping well despite getting exhausted from physical training, which was his current method of busying himself enough to not think about Piper. His screams would echo throughout Zeus' Cabin on particularly stressful nights, thankfully not loud enough to make concerned campers come running in with weapons in hand to search for the monster causing Jason to yell in fear. Most of his nights were a tempestuous cycle of crying himself to sleep and waking up in tears not long after.
He would always dream of Piper when he slept.
The same scenes would repeat themselves in his head, starting with Piper swearing to the River Styx to protect Jason. Her words to him during that private moment on the Argo II had made Jason smile and kiss her deeply out of sheer love, especially with the way she visibly cared for the son of Jupiter.
The scene would suddenly shift into one of war, where a trio of Cyclopes working for Gaea had proved to be too much for Jason to handle in his worn-down state. Amidst the chaos, Jason had seen Piper making her way to him across the monster-infested battlefield out of the corner of his eye. The Cyclopes had surrounded him and kept attacking simultaneously. Jason had been weary from summoning winds and lightning that only seemed to lessen and not stop the onslaught of blows to his person. He had been unable to fly any higher than the towering monsters; the first few times he did so, they had swatted him down to the ground like a worthless insect. For hulking creatures, they had unbelievably fast arm reflexes. It would have only been a matter of time until he tires out completely and collapses, vulnerable to monster attacks. Just as he had carelessly turned his back to one of the three Cyclopes to deal with the other two, he had heard Piper's voice yell out "STOP!" in Charmspeak at the top of her lungs. The extent of her Charmspeak was so great that it had affected even Jason, causing him to freeze in his spot as had the Cyclopes and nearby monsters. But the Cyclops behind Jason had heard that command mid-swing, and it was too late. Piper had shielded Jason's frozen body with her own, taking the punch the Cyclops threw while shoving Jason out of harm's way. Jason had fallen forward when Piper pushed him. Her body had skidded across the dirt, lying limp and deformed among monster carcasses. Piper had taken a blow that proved to be fatal, fulfilling that oath she had made with her dying breath. Although he had finally received his father's godly blessing after seeing Piper's battered body on the ground and, in result, wiped out a good majority of the enemies around him starting with the Cyclopes in a fit of rage, Jason had felt responsible for her death ever since.
The next scene would show Piper's lifeless body in his arms as he carried her away from the silent battlefield. They had won against Gaea, but Jason felt like he had lost.
On nights where he wouldn't immediately wake from the memory of carrying Piper's body back to camp, his mind would proceed to make him dream of things he knew didn't happen but scared him nonetheless. His dream would often continue to show Piper stir in his arms, asking him why he let her die as her kaleidoscope eyes cried tears of blood. Degrees of her body's decay varied from dream to dream. Sometimes the dream would show Leo shake his head at Jason and walk farther and farther away regardless of how determinedly Jason ran or flew to catch up to him. And sometimes the trio of Cyclopes would beat him up in his dreams, and Jason would just let them.
Due to the nature of Jason's dreams, the number of sleepless nights continued to increase for the Roman.
Jason just wished he'd stop dreaming altogether.
A/N: Sometimes I think I'm too mean to Jason when I write fics with him in them.