When you feel like you're feeling now
And doin' things just to please your crowd
When I love you like the way I love you
And I suffer but I ain't gonna cut you 'cause
This ain't no place for no hero
This ain't no place for no better man.

-Short Change Hero, The Heavy, The House That Dirt Built

Dear Lisbon,

I know you must hate me right now. I don't blame you. But I want you to know everything. And I actually mean that this time.

Firstly, Red John. I know that you didn't want me to kill him. You were always going on about how I shouldn't kill him, how even he deserved his day in court. Well, I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Once he's gone, I'll disappear for a while well you government types sort it out. It will be out of "self-defense". You know the truth. It's out of revenge. I can't have any sort of piece with him still out there, even if he's in a jail cell. He has to be six feet under.

I know by the time you get this letter, you will try to find me. Lisbon, don't. Red John will kill you, and I will never forgive myself for that. You're one of those self sacrificing martyr types, but for once in your life let someone else take that burden.

Secondly, Teresa Lisbon, I love you. It's ironic isn't it? The saintly cop falling in love with the villainous soon to be murderer. And yes, I am the villain. Don't argue with me, Lisbon. I know you want to. I'm honestly a terrible person. I have an overabundance of hubris and a self-serving attitude. You're thinking that I do have a few good qualities, but they cannot overshadow the darkness in me.

It's sad that in order to kill a villain, you need a villain. But, Lisbon, you are the good in me. All of these years, you have been the one to keep me from succumbing to the darkness. If not for you, I would be no better than him. Because deep down, we aren't that different. You will see what I mean in a few hours when he is dead.

I need to thank you for everything that you have done for me. You have stuck your neck out so many times and risked everything for me. You have no idea how much that means to me. All those times when it seemed as if I didn't care, I did, I just didn't want you to get hurt. (And yes, you would've gotten hurt, if not by Red John, then by me.) But after my family died, you gave me something to fight for. The first few years of our partnership, I was still fighting for just my family, Angela and Charlotte. But then you began to worm your way into my heart, and you began to build a family up around me. You and the team, you guys gave me something else to fight for. So know that when I kill him, it's not just for me, it's for everyone whose life he has destroyed.

I truly wish that we could've had a life together. Maybe if we had met in different circumstances, we could've. I know you don't always believe it, but you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, inside and out. That is the truth. There are so many things about you I love, and you're adorable unaware of most of them.

We probably won't see each other for a very long time. I'm sorry, my dear. I want you to move on. You're surrounded by amazing people. Grace looks up to you. Cho protects you like a sister. Rigsby too. They love you very much and want to help you; let them. And I know that you miss your brothers, and have been using work as an excuse. You should reach out to them. I'm sure if you got all of them together, Tommy would make up with James and Scott. They all would, for you. You tend to have that sort of effect on people; making them want to become a better person. But I'm afraid there are some people out there who can't be saved and I'm one of them. You tried, and you've changed me for the better, but I'm just too dark.

I'm sorry it had to end this way. I truly am. But it's better this way. Don't try to find me. You won't. It's cleaner this way and I know you prefer things to be clean. Maybe I'll find you in a couple years or so. I hope you'll have moved on and found your Prince Charming, my angry little princess.

Goodbye,

I love you,

Patrick Jane

Jane allowed his eyes to sweep over Lisbon's prone form for what would be the last time. Her coffee cup was next to her, still letting off the occasional wisp of smoke. Jane set the sleeping pills next to it, so she would know what he did.

Painfully, he laid his pen down and folded his letter so it would fit into an envelope. He scrawled her name across it, putting every ounce of care into each letter. The envelope was propped up against her coffee cup, clearly in her sight.

Jane checked his gun again before slowly making his way to the door. On a spur of the moment thing, he turned around and pressed a soft kiss to Lisbon's forehead. Then he grabbed the thin blanket she had draped over one end of her couch and tossed it over.

As he walked back to the door, his eyes lingered on a photo of the entire team that rested next to the one of her brothers snowboarding. The corners of his mouth slipped up a bit in a smile at the thought that she had put it in her home. But he needed to get going.

Jane squeezed his eyes shut and stalked out the front door, without looking back.

This ain't no place for no hero
This ain't no place for no better man
This ain't no place for no hero
To call "home"
And every time I close my eyes
I think, I think 'bout you inside

Little piece I suppose taking place before Jane kills Red John. I haven't decided yet whether or not I should continue (Lisbon's reaction, etc.). I'd love to hear your thoughts.