With his arms tightly around his fellow brother, Castiel laid Samandriel on the cold concrete ground. The angel could feel his vessel's heart hammer in his chest as his angel blade was retracted from the smaller male's body. He was shaking but couldn't feel the borrowed body's senses. Bright sapphire hues darkened in pain as he just held the lifeless body, ignoring the wing pattern scorch marks upon the ground.
He had his orders which still rang clear in his mind. A woman's voice murmuring in his subconscious kill him. Heaven's command to it's good little soldier. Yet those feelings crept up within him. Doubt and regret filled his very consciousness and consumed him from the inside out. These very feelings which damned him to fall in the first place. He could still see the fear in Samandriel's eyes. They would haunt him worse than any other angel, demon, or creature he smited.
The shaking increased in intensity and he was vaguely aware of the men running toward him. His hearing barely registered the footsteps on the gravel. He didn't look up as the Winchesters caught sight of the lifeless angel in his arms. Their voices resonated with him but he couldn't grasp their meaning.
An automatic response slipped passed his lips in a semblance of his tone of voice. That was when he felt it. The single tear trickling down his face. He reached up and gently dabbed, pulling his hand back to inspect the crimson droplet. Of course, how could he have expected something more? His once white wings were tainted and and dirtied from his fall from Grace. Mark for eternity and set out as an example to the rest of the obedient little soldiers what happens when you rebel. Now he was tainted and cursed to shed tears of blood. Tears of a being fallen from Heaven.
He could vaguely sense Dean's body itching to move toward him. The bond they shared betrayed the feelings of worry, sympathy and pain. There was something underneath it all. Something like uncertainty and even fear. He had done this. He had taken his brother's life without so much as a second thought. Samandriel had looked up to him, loved him as he loved the rest of his brothers. He loved Castiel and trusted him. Castiel had risked everything to save him. To end his torture and suffering. His screams had chilled Castiel down to the core. But he failed his brother. He failed himself. After eradicating countless of his brothers and sisters, he could not save one. The angel began to think that his was damned to failed atonement and that he would forever live with his sins.
In a flash of brilliant green, his cerulean hues found those of the elder hunter. For a split second time froze around him and he felt as if everything would be alright. For in that simple human. The Righteous Man, the servant of God would be the one grip him tight and raise him from perdition. Dean Winchester would save him and absolve him of all his sins. For the very first time in Castiel's existence, he understood what it was to be in love and be loved.