It was something very similar to looking at the sun I mused thoughtful as I gazed upon the object of my affection. He was training again, pushing all his limits though he had already accomplished all that he had been lusting after so avidly that it had consumed his life almost entirely. Sweat beaded on his head and flowed down in small rivers cutting through the dirt and grime that marred his perfect complexion. Yes, it was very much like looking at the sun I concluded mentally.
It burned your eyes and blinded you to all else. Oh yes, I had been blinded. So painfully oblivious was I to all that went on around me unless it had something to do with my precious Sasuke-kun. How many times had I ignored Naruto in favor of trying to catch his obsidian black eyes? Too many to count and certainly far more than he deserved. It was like walking around blind folded, trying to make my way through life while ignoring its very existence in favor of something so much more wonderful and yet so very impossible. I stumbled in the dark groping blindly for something solid to hold onto: all my thoughts, mind, and even my very soul had come to need him. If he wasn't around my mood plummeted. When he frowned in disappointment I gritted my teeth and gave it my all. It seemed that training under the Hokage didn't matter; I was forever weak in his eyes but damned was I if I didn't try to change that.
It burned you, searing your flesh and scorching your very soul leaving scars that could only be seen through the eyes. I couldn't count how many times I had cried on his account. So many tears had fallen, coursing down my face making waterfalls that only seemed to flow for him. I was forever weak in his presence and I was reminded of it with every rejection, insult, and scathing remark that had ever passed his perfect lips to ring in my pathetic ears as the tears fell again.
Sometimes I seemed to have lost the ability to cry. I would just stare out my window as the leaves danced to the wind as it tore at them, ripping them off and sending them far away as they danced to the rhythm of the wind helpless to do anything but. Then he would prove that wrong and the salty liquid would soon be shed again dropping to the ground sparkling like priceless diamonds until they hit the earth and exploded sending themselves everywhere.
Though the sun damaged it was something that life centered around. Indeed without it the world would be engulfed in shadow and die. It was so with him too. When he left a part of me went with him, a piece that I couldn't replace no matter how hard I tried. Neji was proof enough of that. A piece that I just couldn't seem to get back until that one seemingly normal morning.
I had been sitting faithfully on that same bench just as I had since he left. He had dragged his battered and bruised body leaving a trail of crimson in its wake as he moved painfully slowly forward. Without a second thought I was up and at his side as his eyes tried to focus in on who was crying profusely while they shouldered his weight. Me, I was the one that clotted his blood as we made our way to the hospital. I carried him moving as fast as I could while quelling the bleeding and mending all I could of his broken body.
Twenty four hours later and I was sitting by his side. Nothing could have gotten me away from that spot, I certainly didn't care that I hadn't showered and I still had his blood smudged on myself. Naruto had visited and hadn't even bothered to ask me to leave, he understood and I was infinitely grateful. Tsunade attempt to get me to sleep and I had refused politely but then she knew that I would answer that way, I had worked under her for a time after all. I was still there and I would be until he was awake.
When I had devoted myself to him so fully I couldn't really pinpoint even if I were to try, he was just a big a part of me as I was. I wasn't Sakura if there wasn't any Sasuke. It had started as a crush and had become so much more than even the word love could describe, as an elephant to a whale.
I whiddled away an apple's skin as I waited for his eyes to open. I had asked one of the nurses to get one for me and she had complied, it gave me something to do. There! I had seen it, the small tremor of movement as it rippled along his muscles as his eyes jerked up. His body would have followed suit if I had not held him down. A look of recognition flittered past his eyes before his mask had made them unreadable.
"How are you feeling?" The medic in me had come up as I eyed his many bandages that covered his fair skin from view much like a mummy with a critical eye.
"Hn." It was a characteristic sound that I had heard so many times yet it seemed so new this time. Perhaps it was the fact that he was back and this was his first word home, where he belonged. Giving a small watery smile I contented myself to finish peeling the apple all the while looking up every so often as to reassure myself that he was still here and that it wasn't just some twisted dream that I would soon wake from. I didn't think I could take the disappointment again.
Finishing my task I wordlessly offered up the apple that I had meticulously cut to perfection. He eyed it for a moment before he let out a little snort of impatience. "Where's the dobe?" He averted his gaze out the window as if the very sight of me had sickened him in some unknown way. Swallowing thickly I fought to respond.
"He…he'll be back soon." All fell silent, the wind whistled outside drawing my attention to it. Taking my eyes off the ground that had suddenly become fascinating I watched as the tree by the window lost a single leaf to the wind's vicious onslaught. Maybe it was the fact that the leaf was so small in comparison to all the others. Maybe it was that the little leaf had been dieing gaining a brown color to its edges that curled slightly. Whatever the reason, the leaf was caught up in a whirlwind as it swirled around inside the mini hurricane outside the window. I watched spellbound before it flittered off to destinations unknown dancing as it went.
A few months later found a completely recovered Sasuke, a once again ever cheerful Naruto that was well on his way to become Hokage, and me. Me, the person that still gazed upon the sun in wonder, awe, and adoration as some things never change and never will. I suppose somewhere deep down inside me I knew that the sun hurt. It burned me leaving marks that no one could see, blinded me and for that I was lost, but none of that mattered as the earth needed the sun and if that was all there was to pay I would gladly take such a bargain.
This was updated on 11/18/06 to fix on the run on sentances and other grammer errors. There are most likely more running around in here, somewhere. -Cloey Marie-